foolishheart Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Hi I am really confused as I have never been in this situation until now. I have known this guy for almost 6 months now and really like him a lot. At the beginning we went out 3 times over a couple of months and then I let him come over one nite and some stuff happend. We didn't see each other again but kept in contact through text messages but not very often. One day he texted me and hinted out he would like to come over but stated that he more less just wanted to be friends with benefits and didn't want to get seriousley involved right now so at first I was cool with it and told him I respected that. But then something came up and he wasn't able to come over, this happend twice and so I just left it at that and emailed him back and told him it was probally for the best and that I really liked him but that I liked myself more and valued my self not to be in a relationship just for the sex I also told him that I realized that I contradicted myself by first saying it was ok and then saying it wasn't. He never responded and we went almost a month without talking and then Christmas eve he saw me in church in which I didn't talk to him but the minute I got home there was a text from him wanting to know if I saw him (this has happend a couple of times where I've seen him then he sends me a message wanting to be aknowledged) anyways I did reply and said yes I saw you but didn't get a chance to say hi he sent one back saying he really wanted to talk but didn't get the chance either, I never replied and I don't know why I did it but the other day I decided to send him a text and said hi in which we started talking and it led to him coming over. We had a nice visit and talked about things in general etc and of course it led to the bedroom after wards he did hold me in his arms for a bit and then he asked me if I was ok with it all and I said yes I am ok with it and he said well I just don't want to do anything to upset you and I told him that when I sent him that message about not being ok I told him I was feeling confused and he said he understood and it was ok. Is there any potential here or am I gonna be wasting my time knowing thats all he really wants? Can feelings change? He really did seem to be showing some emotion through his actions but I don't know what to think. I know if he really liked me he would be pursuaing me and he doesn't only when I see him then he wants to be aknowledged. I'm at a loss here. I will continue dating other guys and he knows this and he also knows that If I get serious about someone then I will not see him again. Please help... PS. I guess mayby I was reading to much into it the emotions part I guess I was thinkin to how the first time we were together he didn't say much afterwards and then said he didn't think he could sleep here and basically just bolted and he said "its not you ok" then this time I just thought it was different as he did stay longer and when he left after putting his jacket on he pulled me into his arms and kissed me and said it was good to see you and then gave me kinda a tight hug I read to much into I think. Thanks again and I look forward to joining in on some of the topics here.
Ironman75 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I've read alot of posts on this. Friends with benefit's. Really it's up to the people involved weather or not it's right or wrong. If you both understanding that there is no commitment then it's fine to me. And it's cool if either of you want to see other people. But what you can ask yourself is what do you want. Do you want some thing more? It sounds like it to me. But men are not mind readers and one day you say it's ok then the next it's not. That is confusing to anyone. If you want more and he doesn't then accept what you have or look for what you want. At the same time people's feeling and mind do change. So talk to each other see where he's going with this. My guess would be he will say let's keep it how it is and see what happens. So do just that. Hey that might be all he's good for. Or he could become the man of your dreams. But only time will tell. Now what I think is going on. He has a girl and your the safety net. He's seeing where your head is at at the same time caring for some one else. That's why you get stiffed. No answer some times to your text. And why he leave right after the sex is over. Also him holding you nice the last time was because he did miss you and wants you to miss him to. For the next time. If he has time to get one in he will. If not ok. See his interest is some where else. I say this because I am guilty of it myself. I've done the exact same thing to women. Now I know better and have changed my ways. Because to ever find true love you have to be ready to give true love. Now I'm not saying this is what's going on but it sounds so familiar and I know men. I am one. So really look at the situation and think. If your happy stay and if not then move on and look for what you really want. Hope this helps.
lovelorcet Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 He flate-out told you that he wanted FWB. You said no... waited awhile and then slept with him after which you agreed to FWB. You are now his f*ckbuddy. Once you reach f-buddy status your chances of being something more are about zero. So what is your question here?
upsetnhurt Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 foolishheart, You sound like a nice person and I doubt very much you would want a purely physical relationship with this guy. If you do, don't read my post any further and enjoy your time with this guy while it lasts. It sounds like you are hoping for more from him and unfortunately are trying to win his affection through the wrong means, sex. Ever hear the saying, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? That's appropriate here and in your best interests you should just walk away from this guy. No need to be mean about it, just realize that you are somebody's prize out there and you will be limited yourself emotionally (as I can tell you have some feelings for him) if you continue. Best of luck.
Guest Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 foolish - I went through everything that you pretty much described and I have to say that no his feelings didn't change unfortunately. He told me straight up that he wasn't looking for a relationship and at the end of the day he wasn't and all the holding, cuddling, kissing and text messages in the world didn't change that. Generally I liked him a whole lot and he liked the attention and was swayed by that... yes he liked him, there was a lot of attraction between us but he wasn't as into me as I was him. He did all the things your guy did 'are you ok with this etc'. To some extent I was, I knew the limitations and was happy with any attention i got but like you at the end of the day I think myself as worth more. Don't be fooled into thinking that is more that what it is or that his feelings will change. I think you need to step back and re-state your previous position, you like him and wont accept anything other than a proper relationship, you enjoyed the time you had together but you want something more and until that time you can't be around him. And then MOVE ON. Best of luck - I know it's hard, but FWB are crap and you feel crappy the whole time because you read all this stuff into their actions that isn't there but you just hope it is.
Recommended Posts