Cossette4 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I think I've finally figured out why it's taking me so long to "recover" from this breakup, which, by the way, is officially 6 months old today (if anyone would like to wish my terrible breakup a happy anniversary). Most of the people I know have one, maybe two, of the following aspects of their breakup that make it hard to deal with: 1. It was their first real love/first real breakup. 2. It was a serious relationship/long-term relationship. 3. There was an element of betrayal or disrespect involved. 4. It was sudden, uncharacteristic, and unexpected. 5. Other people around them seem to have successful relationships starting or being maintained at the exact time you are suffering. And I have come to the conclusion that my breakup encompasses all of the above: 1. Dated since we were 16 in high school. 2. Dated 5 years and 4 months. 3. Broke up with me over the phone and two weeks later moved in with a skanky trailer trash whore and refuses to talk to me (or any of his friends who think what he did was wrong). 4. All of my friends, all of his friends, and I found this treatment absolutely shocking because for 5 years he was the most respectful, loving, caring, person and we literally wonder if he "snapped." 5. I have 3 "best girl friends" and one of them just got a boyfriend, one just got engaged, and one just had a baby--and all are hopelessly in love. I know it's dumb to dwell on this and map it out like this and then point at it and say "Gee, look how bad it is!" but of course, that's exactly what my mind does. I also know that God doesn't give people things they can't handle, and I'm still alive after 6 months, so cool. But man, this sucks. I feel like the only way I'll feel better is if I'd get an apology for #3 and #4 (which I'm pretty sure will never happen) or if #5 was altered so my life fared better among my friends. Does anyone else feel like they are dealing with a breakup that seems to be attacking from 5 different angles?
jusified Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I definately feel all that. I had a really tough day yersterday. All these feelings are so hurtful and true ... But Cossette don't give up hope. Some times thats all we have, believe that you will meet someone that is right for you, if you did everything you can in the relationship and the break up then you have no regrets. I hope you find someone special soon becuse thats the best way to realise how bad your exs are and why you are better off with out them. You might even thank them for leaving you. smile cause someone special might be around the corner.
alasia Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I do know how you feel, totally. My breakup (only 2 weeks ago and still confusing me...) wasn't unexpected in the sense that I messed up, but I didn't think that my boyfriend would *actually* break up with me and be as cold towards me as he was, so it was quite a shock. We'd only been together for 5 months, but moved very quickly; we'd been living together for 4 months, he'd proposed and I found out 2 days after we split that I was expecting his baby (we had talked about starting a family, and were both excited at the prospect of it) He is my first love - I'm 23 but I haven't felt this way about anyone before. I agree totally with what the last poster said - it's tough, but you can and will move on - it sounds like you're starting to already. Good luck
Tormented Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Cossette...I DO understand where you're coming from here. Especially in the "betrayal" aspect of it. Boy oh boy, do I know! I have said it before and I will say it again...sometimes, it's not the ex we're having a hard time getting over, but rather, the intense pain they inflicted on us, but more importantly, the method they used to inflict that pain. If the breakup involved betrayal, was sudden, and cruel...then a much longer period of healing should be expected. We find ourself in complete shock, trying hard to shake off the brutal blow we've been dealt. We begin to question our own worth, and wonder if the whole relationship was a complete sham. We wonder if we've been played, and if our ex was ever the person we THOUGHT they were. And, of course, we wonder if they ever really loved us. The anger is intense, the pain even more so. And we wonder if we'll ever trust again. We wonder if the damage done is permanent, if we'll ever love again. And while we hurt as a result of their actions, it seems as though they're off into the sunset enjoying their lives without so much as a care of what this has done to us. We begin to feel as though we are serving a sentence for a crime WE never committed! And that's where the blind rage come from. A part (a BIG part) of us WANTS them to suffer for it, to the degree WE are. We WANT to see them take a fall, to feel the intense pain we've been forced to live with thanks to them. After all, seems just, right? Thing is, Cossette, they WILL pay someday. Maybe not today, not tomorrow, or even this year. But the time will come that will bring them to their knees and they discover just how horrible intense pain is. Life has a way of doing that. NOBODY is exempt from life's wrath. Oh...he may be living what SEEMS to be a "blissful" life now, but give it time. His ticket WILL be up, sooner or later. And when it does, your storm will have passed and it will be YOUR turn for a life of bliss. I know my ex will pay to. My biggest fear? That I won't get to see it! Mean, I know, but it's how I feel. Hang in there, Cossette. Many of us here know exactly what you feel. ~T~
jusified Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Tormented, that really describes how I feel. Its the betrayel, the shock and the inmense pain that is so hurtful. You know, if your ex betrayed you, or was not very committed or was simply a person that left during a tough time because it was easy then these things will eventually catch up to them. I d believe that if you are able to love someone with all of your heart and be the 150% person in the relationship then when you find the right person that dose the same the relationship you will have will be nothing but fantastic. But you know what, if the ex does enjoy a happy life for a long time its no longer our concern, we should go on with our lives and search for happines without them, and when we are happy I know we will know longer care about the ex. It wouldn't matter if they were happy or suffering from the deeds they put us through. Hold on to the hope, know that the ex is missing out on the best thing in the world.
DyingHeart Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I was just jilted by my fiance of 7 years. And while he's happy, I'm dying of a broken heart, hence my ID name. And yes, It's confusion, the pain, everything. I don't know when I'll feel better, but somedays I wish he would feel what I'm feeling. I wish he would hurt the way I'm hurting. But who knows, maybe deep down they do feel the pain. Do what you need to do for you. What ever that may be. I know I need to do the same. Bless our broken hearts, Chrissi
sunangel Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 we'll happy anniversary! this guy sounds like a psycho! How can he just flip like that? maybe it's better he's no longer around. As for the "skanky trailer trash girl"......... Eventually she will end up leaving him for her next victim or maybe this guy will just realize she's no good and then he'll realize what a bastard he's been to you! This old saying is sooooooooooo true! "WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND" Don't even wish him any bad..... Cause one day he'll be in your shoes!
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