Author crazygator Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 Whichwayisup, You write that in a way as if to insinuate I'm a bad guy. I'm NOT a bad guy, nor did I welcome or want to be in this position. In your life you have probably dated guys that were recently out of a relationship - and when you started dating him, if he took a lie detector test and said he had more feelings for you at 14 days than he did for his ex who he dated for 14 months, he'd fail. That lie detector meter would be bouncing all over the place. I'm honest. 9 months for K does not equal 5 years for T. This is not as black or white as you make it out to be. Everything has shades of grey. On the feelings scale, mine for Tiffany might be an 8 or a 9 right now while Kelly is a 6 or a 7, but if I just chose blindly because of that, I could be leading myself off a cliff. I need to carefully weigh everything here. Finally, I did not show them this web site, just copied them on my first post via e-mail. I correctly thought it would be a relief for both of them to read, and proof positive that what I was telling them individually and what I truly feel are in sequence. I would not and will not share any replies with them.
Author crazygator Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 <<I agree. This is kind of a sick joke. Sorry.>> Alas, my fear in posting here has come to fruition. I feared people would read my story, make a blanket judgment of me as a person, and condemn me. I'm not at all a bady gu, but I'm being made out to be one. You don't know me, and you know very little of my situation. I did nothing wrong to find myself in this position. But since I am receiving criticism instead of compassion, I will leave. Thanks to those who understood and contributed thoughtful replies.
magichands Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 On the feelings scale, mine for Tiffany might be an 8 or a 9 right now while Kelly is a 6 or a 7, You're effectively robbing one of them (if you manage to hook any at all) of their lives whilst you conduct this internal review. Or should I say autopsy. I don't think love is supposed to be a game, or a competition. You don't love either of these girls, so your best bet is to continue "dating" both of them. Maybe the decision will then be made for you.
magichands Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I did nothing wrong to find myself in this position. Haha. Sorry, but you are waaay too sensitive. Don't you know that you are hurting them with your indecision??!!
sb129 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 <<I agree. This is kind of a sick joke. Sorry.>> Alas, my fear in posting here has come to fruition. I feared people would read my story, make a blanket judgment of me as a person, and condemn me. I'm not at all a bady gu, but I'm being made out to be one. You don't know me, and you know very little of my situation. I did nothing wrong to find myself in this position. But since I am receiving criticism instead of compassion, I will leave. Thanks to those who understood and contributed thoughtful replies. Dude. you are way too defensive.. you have to be prepared to take criticism on Loveshack. Thats what it is about. Nobody said you were a bad guy. But constructive criticism can sometimes help you get perspective, and isn't that what you want? We only know what you have told us, so of course we don't know the whole story. You can't expect everyone to applaud you and be sympathetic. If everyone had the same opinions how boring would this place be? I fear that you are a being a little obtuse. Open your eyes and mind to alternative endings.... it may work out for you. your fear of criticism (or should I say gutlessness) is what probably got you into the mess you are in in the first place. Grow a backbone!
magichands Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 you have to be prepared to take criticism on Loveshack. Especially from me. I'm the village arsehole. I mean, idiot. Idiot. Where's the backspace key on this keyboard??!! ^H^H^H^H Whatever.
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Whichwayisup, You write that in a way as if to insinuate I'm a bad guy. I'm NOT a bad guy, nor did I welcome or want to be in this position. In your life you have probably dated guys that were recently out of a relationship - and when you started dating him, if he took a lie detector test and said he had more feelings for you at 14 days than he did for his ex who he dated for 14 months, he'd fail. That lie detector meter would be bouncing all over the place. I'm honest. 9 months for K does not equal 5 years for T. This is not as black or white as you make it out to be. Everything has shades of grey. On the feelings scale, mine for Tiffany might be an 8 or a 9 right now while Kelly is a 6 or a 7, but if I just chose blindly because of that, I could be leading myself off a cliff. I need to carefully weigh everything here. Finally, I did not show them this web site, just copied them on my first post via e-mail. I correctly thought it would be a relief for both of them to read, and proof positive that what I was telling them individually and what I truly feel are in sequence. I would not and will not share any replies with them. Sorry that I've made it seem like you're a bad guy, I know you're not but and I'm sure this is a tough situation for you. You explained that both knew about eachother, you cleared that up for me...My train of thought was really just pointing out that yes, you're being honest, but is it fair to each woman to know such details? It's just a very personal, that's all. I am not judging you, and also, what I meant by showing them this site, I was meaning that you can share your thoughts and not worry about them reading...That's all. No harm was meant, k.
Author crazygator Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 I don't think you're in position to tell me what love is. Not only are they not happy to be in this position, but neither am I. To throw out a word like autopsy is rude, insensitive, and completely uncalled for. If this were easy on me, the decision would have already been made. I've date plenty of women in my life, but these are the two best, and were thrust into my life suddenly and at the same time. I'm doing my best to sort it out in a timely fashion. Your kind of "help" I can do without, though, so I'd appreciate you kindly leaving my discussion.
Author crazygator Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 That last reply was directed at magic hands.. Whichwayisup, thank you for your kind words.
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 9 months for K does not equal 5 years for T. Ofcourse. But the thing is then, and please take this into consideration, whatever it is between you and T may not be finished. Last thing you want is in 2 or 3 years to be happy with K, and T resurfaces - Makes you 'feel' once again, and then you have to decide all over again. I just hope that if you choose K, T is out of your life because you cannot continue a casual friendship with her......Ex's are ex's for a reason. Good luck and I hope you continue posting. You may receive tough love, harsh posts, but we've all shown respect. If we didn't care, we wouldn't post! Take whatever replies suits you best, but just so you know the harsher ones, may be the ones that open your eyes abit more and make you think........
Salicious Crumb Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Hello everyone, and thanks for reading my post. My name's Marc, and I'm a 29 year old male from Orlando. I am in the midst of the most agonizing decision of my life, and while I'm not looking for any one to make my decision for me, any helpful advice or direction would be SO greatrly appreciated. I am torn between two great women, and I feel like the decision I make here could determine how the next 10,20,30, or 40 years of my life play out. There's a decent chance I could end up marrying the one I choose, so you can understand the stress involved here. I did not want to be in this situation, nor have I cheated on anyone. I don't believe in cheating, and both women know about one another. Am I missing something here? You are dating 2 women at once, and thats not cheating? The only way that wouldn't be cheating if both women were ok with it.
magichands Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 To throw out a word like autopsy is rude, insensitive, and completely uncalled for. If this were easy on me, the decision would have already been made. I smell a huge ego. Your kind of "help" I can do without, though, so I'd appreciate you kindly leaving my discussion. I am the weakest link. Goodbye.
Author crazygator Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 <<Take whatever replies suits you best, but just so you know the harsher ones, may be the ones that open your eyes abit more and make you think........>> Thank you, but this is a highly emotional situation that I am rightfully sensitive about. Trying to find a resolution here has consumed my days. I don't make light of it, I don't make crude jokes about it. This could be the most important decision of my life and I'm treating it as such.
Sand&Water Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Reply: Crazygator, don't mind Magichands. He was just showing you the other face of the coin -or rather, the fourth side of the cube. This is tough for you -point understood. However, try not to dwell too much on the situation. The end result, is more confusion on your part and dyslexic judgment of your reality. You have been with K for 9 months. This is long enough. Will you wait for the 1.3 year mark in order to determine your true feelings? The situation with K will go downhill, from now on. IF things don't look up, you will loose K. T, on the other hand, isn't going to accept your old ways, as well. Reignite the old flames with T will be tough, but it can be done [ -to some extent]. Either way, you are doomed for a trivial and possibly an uncertain future with both. Regards, Sand&Water
Author crazygator Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 <<Am I missing something here? You are dating 2 women at once, and thats not cheating? The only way that wouldn't be cheating if both women were ok with it>> I'm not now and never was dating both of them at the same time. T and I have been broken up since 9/05. I have been dating K since September but recently admitted still having feelings for T. I told K I needed time to sort things out, and she has granted me that.
sb129 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Crazygator, being rude isn't winning you any friends here. All I wanted to do was give you my opinion. I am sorry it doesn't match with yours, and I appreciate you are finding it hard. But to sat we are not in a position to tell you what love is??? I most certainly AM in a position to tell you what love is. And it sure isn't waiting around for someone to choose you. True love doesn't allow for feelings for another person. The person you love occupies every neuron in your brain. At least mine does.
Storyrider Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 It seems to me you want T. but you are afraid she doesn't want you badly enough, so you're considering K as a bird in the hand. I think I agree with you that T. doesn't want you badly enough. I predict if you go back to her, she will dump you again. But unfortunately, you don't want K. badly enough. She deserves better. So, I agree with the other posters who thought you should take a break from both of them, and get some perspective.
sb129 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 ...Ex's are ex's for a reason. Good luck and I hope you continue posting. You may receive tough love, harsh posts, but we've all shown respect. If we didn't care, we wouldn't post! Take whatever replies suits you best, but just so you know the harsher ones, may be the ones that open your eyes abit more and make you think........ Thankyou whichwayisup. Well said... i agree with the ex'es are ex's for a reason... how come you and t broke up??
Author crazygator Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 <<Either way, you are doomed for a trivial and possibly an uncertain future with both. >> Thanks for the optimism.
Author crazygator Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 <<how come you and t broke up??>> I had been wanting a commitment for 2 years, she continued to avoid one and do her thing at college. There was no intimacy when we saw each other, and and didn't treat me with the love I showed her. But I was in too deep and she knew this, and caring for me as a friend, said she did not want to do that to me anymore. Now she's out of college, misses me, says she loves me, is ready for commitment, and wants me back. But is it only because I found someone else? That's the million dollar question.
sb129 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Crazygator, take a deep breath and step back from the situation for a second. You say you are highly emotional, which tends to warp and bias the way you think about a situation. They great thing about LS is there are alot of people on here who are unbiased and unemotional about your siutation, and can help you see the different angles.. NOBODY on here wants to see you hurt or single or whatever... but you need to calm down and stop lashing out at people who are trying to help you. I can't help thinking the lad doth protest too much... You need to make a decison and stick to it. Pronto.
sb129 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Ok now we are getting somewhere.... Do you want to risk it with her?
sb129 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I am always suspicious of people who dump someone, then when the dumpee finds someone else the dumper clicks their fingers and expects the dumpee to come running back. I can't speak for T, but if she has used you as a doormat before, and if she sees how easy it is to get you back (ie leaving K) when she clicks her fingers, ALSO coupled with what she said to you about overdoing it, it sounds like she will probably wipe her feet on you again.
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I know you're thinking that if you were to try with T again and then it didn't work out, you'd feel awful for letting K go....Sadly, this is part of love...Makes ya do crazy things. To be honest, I am not sure if T is reacting because now she knows you've got someone else and she's showing interest in you, (feelings and ego can do weird things too apparently, just go read some other threads all over LS) to make sure you still feel for her, but she may not want to commit to ya long term...So, what to do...... Your heart seems to be taken more with T, the passion and sexual desire...That is powerful, yet (as we've all had loves that are wonderful in the bedroom, just the rest of the relationship doesn't cut it) dangerous at the same time. With K, she's more stable, long lasting love... Question is, are you the type of man who needs to feel that passion more or be happy with someone who will love, support and be there for you long term....
Sand&Water Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 RE: You need to make a decison and stick to it. Pronto. Right. Precisely. As soon as possible. Now she's out of college, misses me, says she loves me, is ready for commitment, and wants me back. But is it only because I found someone else? That's the million dollar question. She is being honest, and sincere with you. Can't get any better than that. In college, there were tons of men she could have hooked-up and remained in a relationship with for years on end. But, she enjoyed herself. She came back. Are you willing to give her a second chance? and Is there anything else that is stopping you from going back to her? Life is not pausing for you. Sand&Water
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