pureinheart Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Man Wanda.... She is a stalker.....so is stalking becoming the all American past time or what....people are that bored and have no life?????? One time was seeing a guy and I'm not sure who was lying...but he said he had broken up with her, she said he hadn't...so anyway she was stalking me (I didn't know it was stalking at the time). We all worked together and were laid off at the time....we all get called back and they put me in the same area with her (I think it was done on purpose as she was friends with management)....she tried to get me to react, but I don't especially when under fire. A little while later she calmed down and we began comminicating....big mistake....she just wanted fuel from me to keep that hate fire going....she had already re-married and everything. There are a lot of people in this day and hour that are not right in the head, and I seem to find all of them. Someone is not being straight up with you, I would certainly take this seriously as you never know what people are capable of these days....
Romeo Must Die Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Dont talk to your boyfriend. I wouldn't trust him. If you do ask any questions just ask the questions around your real questions. Where will you be today? Do you want to go out? See what he says. If he is telling the truth he will be where he says he is. Be patient and collect some evidence, get irrefutable proof. Trust your instincts. Put a tape recorder in his car, follow him when he doesn't think you will be around. Do whatever it takes, but if you tell him, consider everything you tell him he may be getting back to her. The detached cheater will protect the other woman even just to keep you from finding out. He will call you crazy and make you feel like you have gone mad, yell at you and complain you become too controlling. They'll throw "how hard they work" in there too, or tell you that you just don't appreciate them and it will throw you for a loop. And why woudn't you believe him, he is your partner right. IMO There is a reason she is hanging around and worse case senario, he is banging her (and probably has for a long time now) and it's only now that she's just getting bold with you. I think you may be in for a rude awakening. Girls just dont start hanging around for no reason. You are the weak link between them as far as she is concerned. Take it from a BW, there are alot of problems when Harry meets Sally.
Author wanda98 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 Things are worse. this is what happened today. My sister came round to calm me down, I told her everything, she was mad...really mad...she made me call him, just to ask what ---'s wife was talking about when she said that he had an 'admirer', I was calm and friendly, made small talk before the question. He didnt seem all that busy...when I asked him the question, he clammed up said that he was too busy to talk and that he would talk to me when he gets home in three days!! then he hung up. I didnt push it, and made it sound like a really innocent thing....my sister was there and thought that I did well considering the mess I was in. after that I fell apart, mys sister left for about an hour and then came back. I couldnt believe it when she told me that she had gone and confronted the woman....I DID NOT ask her to, but she knew her name and where to find her from me telling her all the details. This OW was shocked that my sister had confronted her, and seemed embarrased that we knew about what she had been doing. She then went on to say that....she thought that we had just broken up!!! and that my bf goes in there all the time and tells her how unhappy he is, and how he only sticks around me because I am fragile!!!!. He is NOT unhappy!! we are talking about getting married!! He told her about the ring (so it was an engagement ring, but nobody knows about it yet....she knew that it was an engagement ring, even my parents dont know!!!!) Then she told my sister....defensively....that she had an idea that my bf was lying to her, and so she was trying to find out the truth about what was going on with US!!!! thats why she says she was hanging around. She swears that there was no sex - just that they connected!. My sister more or less said to her that she was a liar, and then the proof came out of her wallet- photo of them together, his arm around her. A note sticky taped on the back about wishing her a happy birthday. Apparently my bf had visited her house, left her a gift because she was out - and wrote that note.My sister left with the OW saying that to tell me that she is sorry and that she doesnt want to see him again, my sister said that she was upset and had to go home from work. so now I am mad...hurt and confused.my sister has known my bf for nearly two years and genuinely likes him... and she said that she believes the OW's story. My sister is coming around tomorrow and wants me to pack up my stuff and go stay with her for a while. I just dont know.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Do you really want to marry a guy who would do this before you get married?
Zaira Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 COMPLICATED. Regardless of what you're boyfriend may or may not be doing with her, she IS stalking YOU. Call the Police. Get a restraining order. What she's telling your sister could be out and out lies. She's obsessed. She'd say or do anything. Your boyfriend needs to grow some balls. If he truly loves you and wants to marry you then he needs to tell the psycho to FECK OFF! Personally, I would go and stay with your sister. Then when he asks why, tell him EVERYTHING. You deserve an apology.
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 He's feeding her a bunch of lies, just like he is with you. And she's probably protecting him, that's why she says they haven't had sex yet. BULL CRAP!! BIG TIME!!! If they weren't having sex, she wouldn't be following you, finding out about your life etc... BREAK UP WITH HIM NOW. MOVE IN WITH YOUR SISTER. DO NOT BE at home when he comes back in 3 days. He is and has been lying to you, no doubt about it. Even if he hasn't had sex with her, he's emotionally involved with her and letting 'whatever it is' grow between them. Sorry for your pain, hang in there.
Author wanda98 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 Do you really want to marry a guy who would do this before you get married? well obviously NOT right at this moment!!! Im not completely stupid the ring was made 4 months ago - we were planning to announce our engage ment on valentines day.
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I just think that if had NOTHING to hide, he would have said so on the phone and told you when I'm home in 3 days we'll face this thing together and get the OW away, to stop harrassing and following you. He didn't and that says alot. His reaction - TO say Im busy and hang up just means he knows he's been busted. IF by chance it's all a mistake and this girl is a wacko-jacko, and nothing is going on between them, just in her head, then he'll DO all that is necessary to prove that to you and get you back. And he'l understand why you left to stay with your sister. PS get a neighbour to keep an eye on the house, be on the lookout. JUST incase when he does come home, he's really alone...If you know what I mean.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 well obviously NOT right at this moment!!! Im not completely stupid the ring was made 4 months ago - we were planning to announce our engage ment on valentines day. I realize that you are upset...but if he would be unfaithful at this point in the R, imagine after you get engaged/married...you are lucky that you are finding out now...I agree with WWIU...
Author wanda98 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 I just cant believe all this is happening, my sister said that she was adamant that she wasnt sleeping with him and that if she was really hurt (by him lying to her) then wouldnt she want to tell the truth? If she wanted to hurt him, telling me that they were having sex would be the way to do it. I am going to my sisters tomorrow, I have sent a message saying 'call me' to my bf three times and havent got one back.
Zaira Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I still think this chick is lying. If she spends so often outside your home then she'd know that you haven't "just broken up". In saying that though, maybe your BF isn't totally innocent. Maybe he feels sorry for her, and doesn't really know how to handle it. Some guys are pretty weak like that. Still, I think you need time out and he can come and discuss it with you when he returns. I'd let him know that you intend to take out a restraining order on her though. See what his reaction is.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Ok, I don't know if he's cheating or not, but it certainly sounds that way...if she's still with him, she wouldn't admit to sleeping with him and she doesn't want to hurt him...if he hasn't called you, doesn't sound very good...
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I just cant believe all this is happening, my sister said that she was adamant that she wasnt sleeping with him and that if she was really hurt (by him lying to her) then wouldnt she want to tell the truth? If she wanted to hurt him, telling me that they were having sex would be the way to do it. I am going to my sisters tomorrow, I have sent a message saying 'call me' to my bf three times and havent got one back. If there IS something going on between them and they're having sex, she is going to say as little as possible when it comes to the intimate stuff. Your sis caught her off guard. Just like you caught him off guard and he said I'm busy and hung up...How much do you wanna make a bet the two of them have talked already...Maybe she figured out as soon as your sis showed up, she better act innocent and like nothing was going on - Just close friends. Why hasn't he called you yet? Because he knows he's in the doghouse and now trying to figure out WTF to do next.
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I still think this chick is lying. If she spends so often outside your home then she'd know that you haven't "just broken up". In saying that though, maybe your BF isn't totally innocent. Maybe he feels sorry for her, and doesn't really know how to handle it. Some guys are pretty weak like that. Still, I think you need time out and he can come and discuss it with you when he returns. I'd let him know that you intend to take out a restraining order on her though. See what his reaction is. He could be telling her they've broken up, but in separate bedrooms, she can't move out now because of lie #1, #2, #3 (she's crazy and upset, needs time, might harm herself, I feel responsible etc...) WHO KNOWS what crap and lies he's telling. I agree with you about the restraining order.
Author wanda98 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 I just got an email from my bf saying that it is all a misunderstanding and that he can explain everything. He said that she is a nutcase and that he has tried to shake her off but cant. He said that he will call me tonight when he isnt so busy. so what do I do about her, shall I call the police before I go? maybe they would go and speak to her about it. Maybe a restraining order is the way to go, but I have only seen her twice in 12 months - is that enough to get one, just on heresay?
Zaira Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I just got an email from my bf saying that it is all a misunderstanding and that he can explain everything. He said that she is a nutcase and that he has tried to shake her off but cant. He said that he will call me tonight when he isnt so busy. so what do I do about her, shall I call the police before I go? maybe they would go and speak to her about it. Maybe a restraining order is the way to go, but I have only seen her twice in 12 months - is that enough to get one, just on heresay?I'd make a list of EVERYTHING that has happened over the 12 months, to both you and your boyfriend... then take it to the Police. He's been trying to shake her off? Hmmm, maybe he should have thought of the restraining order long ago, before it adversely affected your relationship. I'm sure you'll get through this, but make sure it's TOGETHER. You have to know that you can trust him on this.
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 He said that she is a nutcase and that he has tried to shake her off but cant. So either she is lying or he is. What do you mean he's been trying to shake her off? IF that is the case, then WHY is he spending ONE ON ONE time with her. Why didn't he agree with his friend, when the friend said she's a nutjob - He downplayed it all. If he really believes she's crazy, then why didn't he say so in the first place? WHy did he hang up? Look, some people when caught in lies, and about to be busted about their cheating, will DO and SAY anything to continue to lie and hide it. Deny deny deny. Don't trust him until you have actual PROOF. If it means you, him and the crazy one sitting in a room together and talking, DO IT and see what is said. Someone is lying, or they both are really good.....I don't know. Don't talk to her alone ,whatever you do.
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Write him back and say you're freaking out over this. Screw the emails, he should be picking up the F'ing phone and calling you, to make sure YOU are OK and to say I love you. Why the email? Think about it...Things don't make sense, something is off big time here...
Author wanda98 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 ok - I texted him suggested that we should get a restraining order. He sent one straight back and said that I was being ridiculous because he has only seen her four times!!!!!!! He said what is all the fuss about and that I was overreacting! I still havent told him that I read his emails!
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 OK, he's lying to you. There's more then... Uhmm, why the text messaging and emails? Talk this over on the phone. Long distance or not, this stuff has to be talked about so you can hear his voice!
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Maybe you should tell him about the emails and about your sis's visit to her. Tell him exactly what your sis told you what was said. If he isn't cheating on you, then he'll understand. He'll do all that he can to protect you and your relationship together. He won't spend another moment talking or seeing the other girl.
Zaira Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 ok - I texted him suggested that we should get a restraining order. He sent one straight back and said that I was being ridiculous because he has only seen her four times!!!!!!! He said what is all the fuss about and that I was overreacting! I still havent told him that I read his emails!Tell him the truth, and why you felt the need to read the emails. Tell him you're more than worried about this and prepared to end the relationship over it. I mean, she is STILL hanging around. Something has to be done.
Author wanda98 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 In his email he said that he had seen her "lots and lots" of times to his friend. WHy not say that to me? why play it down? Why wouldnt he want to get a restraining order?
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 It's time now to tell him you know about the emails. You dont have to say how you know...He is lying anyway. Here's the answer to all your why's. Because he's involved with her more than he's letting on. If you put a R-O against her, don't ya think she is going to tell the cops all about him and their relationship?
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