Guest Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 I have just ben reading some of the threads on this Forum and have noticed the BS spitting vemon and I feel compelled to write so here goes. I have been involved in an A for 5 years. Yes we have had our moments and have split a few times only to reconcile, especially in the yearly part of the A. He has 2 kids both in their 20s although one still lives at home. I am a writer and so need long spells on my own in order to try and "create" something that might turn into a blockbuster! I see him on average once a week for a whole day and sometimes twice--depends on what else is going on in our lives. I do not know whether his W knows of the A but he is very careful and I never call him at home and so far MM hasn't left any clues. I look upon the A in a positive way. It actually suits us both, no one is getting hurt and I certainly enjoy my time with him and so does he, or one of us would walk away permanently. In the early part of the A I told myself (partly through peer pressure, you deserve more attitude) that I wanted him to leave but not any more. I have lived with a man for seven years so am not afraid of a committed relationship and do not feel that I am suffering from low self-esteem or a lack of respect. I know that MM is not happy at home (W is cold, no communicaton, taking him for granted , no affection, passionless, you know the usual). However, neither of us wants any more out of this R and I truly feel that if we did get together, never mind all the hurt that we would cause to his W and children, I am not sure it would work. I feel that being with someone 24/7 is not a natural state of affairs (no pun intended) and the absences really do make the time we have together more interesting and invigorating. Don't you get more of a thrill going to the cinmea once a fortnight, then just picking a DVD off the shelf in your living room because it is there?. If only the OW/OM can get their head around this, then Affairs would not cause the endless misery and hurt that ensues when the MM/MW leave home as that is bound to impact on your R with the MM. Reality sets in. Also let's be honest, the OW/OM is encraoching on territory where she shouldn't be --I know it takes 2 and all that, but her expectations shouldn't be that great. The MM should be seen as only able to offer the part- time relationship and if the OW/OM can accept that he is not fair game and just enjoy the A for what it is, I really feel that everyone wuld be a lot happier. I know that the BS is goin to vent, but in spite of what you say your W or H is NOT happy/content with you to be having the A in the first place. Face up to this and stop blaming the OW. YOu may not be aware of the A and I am not advocating that the MM/MW leaves the marriage either. I think that the OW/OM should be careful what they wish for. I would also add that although some of you might dispute this, and think that we are just using each other for sex, then think again. We actually do love each other whilst recognising the limits of the A. I can tell when someone is in love with me and I think most people can. We do have trouble keeping our hands off each other but I wouldn't want it any other way. A drink of water always tastes better after you have been for a long run and you really need and want it, than when you get it from the tap after watching TV. Hope this makes sense to some of you. Now I will return to my book.
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