RocketMan2 Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Hi everyone, Its me, RocketMan, i had to make a new account because my old one wouldnt confirm This isnt going to flow very well, im just gonna write the points that are spinning round in my head at the moment. I dont want to relate them together because thats what i do all day, spin everything round and try to work out connections and its driving me mad!! I cant tell the difference between what might be real and whats complete imagination. I need you guys to help me with the distinction My ex is going through a hard time right now with exam stress and problems at home, and we hadnt been spending quality time together. She was depressed before xmas which i tried to comfort her about, but never succeeded. This is probably what caused me to be less enthusiastic. Depressed about what? Well I dont know for sure, but shed put ona bit of weight and that was bugging her, we werent spending quality time together (vicious circle) and she was really jealous of one of my female friends, who i virtually stopped contact with for my ex's benefit. She ended it just after xmas completely out of the blue, saying she couldnt see a future. When she split up with me i asked her to look me in the eye and tell me if she loved me, and she said yes. She meant it im sure. But that she didnt feel IN love - understandable with all the emotion and being depressed? She had to take a break from our relationship before (only for a few days though) when she had lots of exam stress, and I cant help thinking shes doing the same now. She said very clearly that she didnt want to give me any false hope for any future reconcilliation, and said she'd made her mind up, it was over. She said it was the hardest decision shes ever had to make, which i guess means because she loves me, but shes having to force herself from me for 'logical' reasons rather than 'emotional' ones, like shes doesnt love me or something. The 'logical' reasons she gave though were plain wrong, and founded in this depression. she said that i dont have any confidence in her to amount to anything, and that im holding her back That hurt because i know shes the most brilliant girl in the world and can achieve whatever she wants. She said she knows id make every effort to change the things bugging her, but still wouldnt give it another chance. Its been nearly 3 weeks of almost solid NC, apart from initial begging on my part, and then her talking to me last week asking me for her computer password - quite impolitely too. All i'm doing in my head is spinning everything around trying to understand it, because I don't know that she wont just 'see sense' and come round. She never spoke to me about the problems, so ive never had a chance to help her realise the truth. If she wants to go and be single and free thats fine, its a reason at least. Its the not knowing. I cant move on because im waiting for her to speak to me. If she does and acts coldly, that will utterly kill me because i havent come to terms with it yet. If she asks for me back, then we'll take it from there. I have no idea how shes feeling, thats my problem. I cant accept what she said as fact because alot of the stuff she said contradicts itself. I know i need to wait for her to contact me, because i cant pressure her. I just dont know if shes ever going to. I love this girl completely and selflessly, Id do absolutely anything for her. Id die for her, seriously. It hurts so much and i dont know how to deal with it, and i know that the real pain hasnt even begun yet ((( Am i crazy for holding out, really? I need to speak to her ( I just want to be able to speak to someone who knows her and try and get a friendly run down, and get them to help her, but there isnt anyone like that. Im a blithering wreck guys. help thanks
Reckless Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Being a "blithering mess" after a breakup is part of the deal... its okay, even normal so don't worry about that. "...Its the not knowing.." Life isn't math - sometimes you just WON'T know for sure. I have to write a post on closure one day because the bottom line is - you don't close you just walk through the door and keep movin' Why did she do what she did? Sounds like she was depressed - people make all kinds of decisions in that state. Will she regret it? Probably Should you wait around for that? Absolutely not. What should you do? Nothing. NC and wait for the pain to recede. What about contacting her friends? Not a good idea - SHE probably doesn't know why she broke up with you, d'ya think her friends will? What about the pain? No easy way, you can't avoid it just bear it. Clichè clichè clichè but true "time wounds all heals"... ______________________________________________________ okay saw this thread - you could read it when you're tempted to call http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t108358/
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 14, 2007 Author Posted January 14, 2007 I cant explain this mate, I need to sit down with her and go over the issues even if we dont reconcile, and ive got to wait for her to be ready to do this. I dont want to be hassling her as she has to want to talk to me. I know she will in time, but its the waiting!
shockandawed Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Hey RocketMan, First of all, now the song is stuck in my head. I know where you are at bro. Reading your situation is so similar to mine. I am about two weeks ahead of you. I was with my fiance for 2.5 years. We went on a cruise the second week of December for her 40th birthday. She starts fights etc, the next week of silly stuff, breaks it off days before Christmas because of compatibility issues. I beg, plead try logic etc no luck. Go a week and half of NC. See her online, have an IM that turns very ugly, she is saying mean things and eventually admits to seeing someone else. Knife, Knife......Go another week, she sends nice email, I take it as opening, call, have long talk, no slams or anything, I tell her I can give her everything she wants. Take rose to her next night, on Friday, have IM which she eventually says she has moved on. Thats the abbreviated version. Point is, I am convinced she suffers from depression too. There have been around 4-5 similar episodes where she would get down, start nitpicking me on everything until she would just blow about the silliest thing, Completely shuts down, but after a few days, would start coming back, apologizing, saying I deserved better, etc.. I spent so much time this go around spinning everything she did in my head. Convinced she was acting out of depression and fear. Turning 40, not happy with her weight, alone at night, etc...and like you, initially she said some crazy things that drove me insane., that I made her feel stupid if she brought these things up, when all I did was try to comfort and reassure her. By telling her she was not fat and that it was silly to feel that way, she said I made her feel stupid. So then I am spinning more, regrets, what ifs, replaying every conversation etc.....trying to figure out a way to reach her. Considering having friends call, etc... The bottom line is those were all fronts. The truth of the matter is she turned her heart off on me and on for someone else. All the things she did was just to cover guilt. It hurts very much but I know that now. There may be more than she is telling you, don't know. Point is, you need to stop trying to save her when she doesnt want to be saved. You will only prolong your agony. I would tell you it gets better, but I haven't got there yet. You just gotta believe it will. Hang in there, we will survive this.
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 14, 2007 Author Posted January 14, 2007 Nice one mate, supportive words. Good luck!
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