LegalEyz Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 H and I decided to go our separate ways once and for all. Although I know it is right, for all the right reasons, why does it feel so wrong? Why does it hurt so bad??? I want to be with him, but he has refused to do what it would take to make it work. I know he loves me and I know he doesn't want this, but knowing that he cannot make the effort that we need to stay together, I know this will never work. I feel confident in my decision at times, and totally weak at others. Am I making the right decision??? How do I make it through. Sorry, just venting after a rough day.
Gunny376 Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Short answer~ you're going through withdrawal. Just as though you were addicted to cigarrettes, whiskey, drugs. Go No Contact for 90 DAYS! NO CONTACT! You've got to purge yourself! Cleanesd yourself of him!
Delarocha Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 The fact is we are who we are. That said, we can become better versions of ourselves. Why is it that your H is unable or unwilling to see what needs to be done? Although it is not your responsibility to be his counselor and walk him through these things, maybe you can try to point him in the right direction. I know I was a husband unwilling/unable to make changes that were obviously needed. I wouldn't have walked into a therapists office with a gun to my head. However, once the gun was out and pointed I found myself changing quite quickly and dramatically. Not everyone is capable of seeing themselves as others see them, as this can be a very painful process. Time apart may be exactly what you both need to rediscover yourselves. You mayfind in time that the NEED to be with him fades, and your decision to end the relationship will become more and more clear and correct. Likewise, the time apart may be the gun to his head that is needed for real change. If he truly values the relationship he will search himself to discover why it has failed/is failing. This is a two way street. You need to search yourself to discover what is really important. Do you want to be with him because you feel he needs you? If yes, that's not a very healthy reason to stay in a relationship. Clearly at the moment neither of you are meeting the others needs on a very basic level. I agree with Gunny that you are going through withdraw. Time apart may show you the other reasons you want to be with your husband. Then again, it may not. At the very least you will KNOW.
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