Porn_Guy Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 so what are you guys saying? that Eva Braun was grossly in love with Adolf and therefore liked givieng fellatio and swallowing bucketloads of his fairly clumpy semen that was made inside a sole testicle? Is this how it relates to ALCHEMYST? That a woman in love will do anything?
Touche Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Ok, I'll weigh in on this. Here's the thing, Alch..when you're a very deep person, when you are kind of an introvert and when you don't open yourself up to too many people in your life, here's what happens: When you do, I think you give more than most. You're that way and so I am. Even after boyfriends starting with my first at 18 until I married and separated at 33...ever after that, I STILL thought as you do. Each and every time, I said what you did. Never, never will I give myself the way I just had. But guess what? You do. If you're a survivor and if you always live in hope, no matter how much you've given of yourself and you've thought that "this was my only one" believe it or not...it happens again. But only if you're open to it. You have to keep yourself open and somewhat vulnerable each time. But each time you get closer to the "real thing." Why? Because you get closer to the truth concerning the kind of man you need. But that's only if you don't put up walls. So really the trick is to keep yourself open and optimistic EACH TIME. It's a tricky dance between shutting yourself off completely and leaving yourself too vulnerable. I think since I was able to find that balance, you can too. Anyone can. I'm no one special or particularly more emotionally intelligent than the next person.
magichands Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 So really the trick is to keep yourself open and optimistic EACH TIME. It's a tricky dance between shutting yourself off completely and leaving yourself too vulnerable. Great post! Not the least bit gay.
pricillia Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 by "outside" i meant the person they present to the outside world.... oh ok, now it makes sense...? no I understand? no I do:p
Touche Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 oh ok, now it makes sense...? no I understand? no I do:p Yeah, because what we present to the outside world represents exactly who we are inside.
Touche Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Great post! Not the least bit gay. Thanks, Magic. I try to not show my true (pink) colors too often.
Author the_alchemyst Posted January 14, 2007 Author Posted January 14, 2007 Thanks for this great post, Touche. You really nailed it with this: Each and every time, I said what you did. Never, never will I give myself the way I just had. Somedays I really feel this way. And perhaps it's not the same as thinking, "Oh, I'll never find anyone ever again" or things similar to that because while I'm far from perfect or even being a "great catch," I don't think I'm such a bad one, and I do think that someday I will find someone. The problem is that knowing how I am, all of this hurt and betrayal I have inside makes me think that I won't fully trust again. Again, you are right in that I have a very hard time opening up to people, hence why I post so much on this forum. It's not as "personal" as talking to someone over coffee or something; I wouldn't be able to disclose the many thoughts that I do here, in person to someone, unless I really, really trusted them. But it's so hard for me to do so. And I feel stupid for knowing that for the first time that I was entirely open with my thoughts and feelings--myself as a whole--I got burned in the most horrible of ways. Sometimes I talk to two of my old friends about this, and they say that I am so sweet, nice, smart, pretty, blah blah blah, and that once I put myself out there, I will have no problem meeting a guy since there are "so many fish in the sea." To this, I will usually say that yes, there are many fish in the sea, but that they start walking on land as soon as they see me. And they laugh. I don't really want to talk about it anymore when they give me that generic retort. No, I don't want to "put myself out there" in the way they think I need to: I'm an introvert and I can't really help it nor do I want to. I not overly shy, but I am very quiet by nature, and I don't want to turn into some mindless chatterbox. I don't like going to parties, really, because it's just no my thing. The bar scene does interest me, but only in the sense that I would like to pop in there in the middle of the night to have a dirty martini and sulk by myself for a while. That's all. It just saddens me that I need to all of a sudden be different in order to be with someone, according to them. And then they'll always say that my exbf was a loser and a good-for-nothing, anyway, but I can't help but wonder: if I wasn't even good enough for a loser and a good-for-nothing, then how will I ever be good enough for someone who is actually good? I don't know if you or anyone else understand, but I always feel like I will never win with my personality. Much less my looks, not that I would want to win because of them.
magichands Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 And then they'll always say that my exbf was a loser and a good-for-nothing, anyway, but I can't help but wonder: if I wasn't even good enough for a loser and a good-for-nothing, then how will I ever be good enough for someone who is actually good? You might improve. A bit. Maybe. There's always hope. Are you rich?
Touche Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Wow, what a post, Alch. SO much I can relate too that I don't even know where to start. Damn, think there might be something to this astrology stuff? You know we have the same birthday, right? Anyway, where to start? Ok, first this bit, since I really can relate to this: I've been with men who I thought were "losers". They weren't as smart and they weren't as nice and they weren't as cultured and sometimes I even thought they weren't as attractive. But guess what? Sometimes they dumped me. And it made my self-esteem plummet. But after a long time I realized that it wasn't a reflection on me. It just wasn't a match. Didn't even mean I was better than they were or they were better than I was necessarily. Just not a match. So stop thinking about that...I mean like attracts like, right? So if you thought the loser rejected you, then it's because you were too good for him. He needs to find a woman who is not as good as you in order to feel good about himself. It's really true, Alch. I've seen it happen in my own life. But of course we naturally will first think there's something wrong with us and not with them. Not always true. So stop thinking like that. Ok, as to not trusting someone again. You HAVE to, Alch. You just have to. You said you got burned in the most "horrible ways." Trust me when I say that others, including myself, have been burned in even more horrible ways than you have. I'm not putting down or minimizing your pain in any way...but you have to realize that survivors rise above that and don't let that pain beat them down. You're not a quitter, are you? Remember that bit you said about still being the introvert? Ha, ha! Yeah, well I never changed that part about myself. Do you know my story of how I met my H? If not, maybe I should tell it again sometime. It's EXACTLY as you describe here: "The bar scene does interest me, but only in the sense that I would like to pop in there in the middle of the night to have a dirty martini and sulk by myself for a while. That's all." Hey, I don't recommend doing that on a regular basis but I do recommend being yourself. And it that's YOU, then do it. I met my H that way (minus the martini)...but yeah, I was ordering dinner and sulking. Somehow, my H found that attractive, go figure? So forget what you're friends have said. No, you should never be anything other than yourself. Let the next man take it or leave it. Don't pretend to be something you're not. I didn't. And I was FINALLY accepted with all my eccentricities, introverted ways....etc. And stop saying that you would never "win" , nor would you want to, because of your personality and your looks. That's a crock and you know it. Of course you do. You want someone to accept you just as you are. We all do. We all deserve that. Why don't you start believing that you can be one of those women who can achieve that? Don't change who you are and don't put up barriers either. You have much to offer the right guy. Now all you have to do is believe it. Believe and you will achieve, Alch.
Lostgurl Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Guys do care about that stuff. Its the selfish ones that don't care about that stuff. aye aye!
orangehose Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 It's just weird. In a way, I can picture myself in another relationship, though given my introversion, I sometimes wonder if I will ever meet someone else, but I can't picture being intimate with anyone else and actually enjoying it. Why do you think that is? For many of us (females in particular?), there's a high activation energy of either lust or comfort needed to make us say, get naked in front of someone else (or engage in oral sex, you name it). I got out of a relationship a while ago and feel the same way you do - that I won't be as physically into any future relationships... Ah well, we'll see!
orangehose Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 No, I don't want to "put myself out there" in the way they think I need to: I'm an introvert and I can't really help it nor do I want to. I not overly shy, but I am very quiet by nature, and I don't want to turn into some mindless chatterbox. I don't like going to parties, really, because it's just no my thing. The bar scene does interest me, but only in the sense that I would like to pop in there in the middle of the night to have a dirty martini and sulk by myself for a while. That's all. I don't know if you or anyone else understand, but I always feel like I will never win with my personality. Much less my looks, not that I would want to win because of them. I feel much the same way - pretty introverted, don't really "connect' easily with most of the population, don't divulge feelings with most people, don't like parties or clubs much, etc. I went through a brief phase of feeling like I needed to do whatever possible to become more extroverted, but now I sort of feel like i just have to be myself, warts and all. What's the point of being with someone if you had to act fake to get them? Better to be alone.
magichands Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 , there's a high activation energy of either lust or comfort needed to make us say, get naked in front of someone else Gotta love thermodynamics in the bedroom. I really need some urgent tutoring. http://www.students.emory.edu/HYBRIDVIGOR/issue1/thermo.htm
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