Lovestoomuch Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Hello everyone, I’ve been reading the posts on this website and it’s really pulled me through tough times. So, I’ve finally decided to post and get feedback from people whose opinions I value. I was with my girlfriend for a little over a year. We lived together and she pushed hard for us to become domestic partners/ soulmates. She told me that she loved our life together and loved me. She will be 46 this year and I will be 42 The last three months of our relationship was very hard on her as her business was failing. She became very distant with me and when I asked why, she told me that her work was killing her. I responded by stepping up to the plate and doing everything around the house to ease her load. I even told her if she wanted out of that business, I could and would support the both of us while she went to school. Well, I'm on this site for a reason...She dumped me. It was the classic wake up from a very long workday to be met with, "We have to talk." I learned from this website about NC and followed it very well for 4 months. I still loved her, but was moving on with my life. I worked on myself (she told me I never wanted to go out and that I never dressed up for her) and have done a complete 180 degree turnaround. For the record, there was never any mental or physical abuse at all. I’m back in touch spiritually and have remodeled myself on the outside. I got a lot of date offers, but felt I was not ready, so I have been very single. We broke NC before Christmas, and I spent the entire holidays with her and her family. She told me several times that her mother absolutely loves me. Without too much detail, I am the only person she has been with that is decent, kind, has an honorable career, and makes great money. Her family was thrilled when she met me. The last 2 weeks we have spent every single day together. Our conversations have been deeper and more intimate (her words), than when we were together. She told me she has dumped 2 relationships before me and did the same thing to me. She also told me that she sees the complete change for the better that I have done for myself. She believes that God re-connected us for a reason, but didn’t know if it was because we would be back as lovers, or just friends. She had to go on a business trip for a week and has called me everyday to touch base with me. So there is no confusion, I’m also a woman. Yes, the hetro world does not have a lock on crappy relationships! I went on her stupid myspace page and found a 28 year old woman who lives in another state, posting comments saying, “soft kisses for you my love, love you, etc.” My ex under the who I’d like to meet wrote, “and of course, “M.” This woman’s name starts with M. A mutual friend of ours told me that she has never mentioned a love interest to her. Based on her comment to me about not knowing if we would be lovers or friends again, do I have to right to ask her if she wants to try to work it out and what’s the story with the young woman? My family is so upset with me for wanting to work it out as they feel I can find someone better. My ex is struggling financially and emotionally right now. My life other than this isn’t in turmoil. After she dumped me I put up a personal ad online and received many responses and date offers, but I never went out and I did delete the profile. I feel stupid for allowing myself to be in this position, but I love her. She definitely is dictating my happiness right now, and I can’t believe that she is interested in a 28 year old. Should I put my heart out on the line and tell her I want to work it out? I haven't done it yet because it's only been about a month now that we've been hanging out together since the breakup. What on earth should I do??? Thanks….. you guys rock!
Lonelystar Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 This is a hard question because if you do tell her that you want her back you might get hurt all over again if she says no. I'm not sure exactly what to do, but if I was you I would wait for her to say something and then you can tell her how you feel. Good luck!
Double D Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Worst thing is the not knowing and sometimes you have to take risks. Tell her what your thinking and feeling. Down side though is that the response may not be to your liking, which is another issue. If it feels like hard work then maybe its not right for you. I believe that a loving relationships of course need to be wprked on but should not be hard work. At the end of the day at least you can say you tried your best to make it work. He owe yourself this. GO FOR IT!
Reckless Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Break-ups usually happen for a reason. Once done it is rarely a good idea to go back for seconds. You say a lot about what YOU have done but do not mention any changes SHE has made - in any case people rarely change in essence and the same problems that broke you up will probably resurge in the future. Your call... Reckless
Author Lovestoomuch Posted January 13, 2007 Author Posted January 13, 2007 Double D, not knowing is killing me. If it is a no, I'll be hurt but at least I will move on. I should be moving on regardless, but I'm still hanging on. As for any changes she's made, she's been more honest with me the last 2 weeks than she was the entire time we were together. She's trying, but I do wonder in the back of my mind if she will ever get her life together. I know people that have had terrible things happen in their relationships (cheating, fighting, etc) and they work it out. We had nothing like that at all. So being totally willing, able, and stable enough to work it out when she probably isn't, hurts. It's been 5 months since the breakup and I've never hung on for anyone like this before....
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