Still having trouble getting over a situation that happened months ago

[akra]

I'll start this off by saying I'm 22, male, and my experience with women is limited to two purely physical relationships and the one described below.

 

Several months ago, I asked a girl out to dinner. She accepts, but doesn't seem too interested. Dinner ends up being very awkward. We end up having a pretty good conversation while walking around town after dinner, during which time she rejects me. At this point, I don't really care. I had made an effort and was happy about it.

 

Fast forward two weeks.

 

She comes back to me, goes back on the original rejection (asking if I think I can handle a girl like her), then gives me an opportunity to kiss her. I don't do it and I say that I'm not comfortable making a decision that quick.

We end up in a quasi-relationship thing in which she says she's not ready to date because she has feelings to sort out due to guys in the past, and all I have to do is wait for her. So I do.

 

This lasts about a month. I'm stressed out and confused pretty much the whole time, because sometimes she treats me very well, and other times very poorly. We're flirty with each other, but nothing physical happens.

 

After about a month of this hot and cold treatment, she finally decides to tell me that she's not interested and that nothing will ever happen between us, but added in the cliche that she still wanted to be friends. This was almost 3 months ago.

 

I was sort of crushed by this, because I had, due to lack of experience, invested a lot emotionally just into the possibility of a relationship. She didn't seem to care during her speech.

 

We still spent time together, and she would still treat me well sometimes, poorly others. I tried to talk to her about what happened between us, but she was absolutely against discussing it. I haven't tried recently.

 

Right now, we have a lot of physical distance between us, but will be back together soon in a situation where it'd be impossible to cut off complete contact with her. I still keep in touch with her.

 

The whole thing made me feel used and humiliated. All I want to do at this point is talk to her about the whole thing, get everything cleared up, and move on. The whole thing still dwells in my mind on a regular basis, even though I know we would've made a terrible couple. I've been looking for a way to get over it completely without having to badger her about it and without having to completely cut off contact with her, but haven't found it yet.

 

Thoughts?

[Reckless]

You have to get back into the saddle but with a NEW HORSE.

 

Seems to me you have very little TO discuss with her... doesn't look like you had anything near a 'relationship' you tried.. she wasn't the one for you. You were thrown - no denying it hurts but ya gotta get back on but not the same horse. Ask another girl out (someone that looks nice and sweet and intellegent). Do 'safe date' dinner movie or lunch and imaginary dentist appointment (if things aren't going well).

 

Forget about thrashing out what happened with old horse - ya never heard the saying ' da horse is DEAD stop beatin' IT!!"

 

* note to reckless to stop referring to women as horses

[Tormented]

Sounds to me, Akra, that this girl has some heavy issues to deal with...none of which belong to YOU, so why deal with it?

 

You mentioned that she was dealing with issues of guys in her past. I can assure you that if you continue to get involved with this girl, YOU will end up paying the bill of these past men. Is that something you really want to do?

 

My suggestion is to run - DON'T WALK - the opposite direction. This girl is damaged goods, and until SHE deals with the damage, she will stay that way.

 

Don't fall for the "damsel in distress" syndrome. It will only spell pain and agony for you in the end.

 

Just be grateful you didn't get into a serious or heavy relationship with her. Had you done that, you'd be hurting much more right now. Consider yourself lucky at this point. You escaped unscathed.

 

Like another posted said...get in a saddle on a different horse!

 

Good luck.

 

~T~

[akra]

I have no romantic interest in this girl any more, which is why I don't understand why it still bothers me. Completely cutting off contact with her isn't a viable option at this point.

 

I'd move on to another girl, but I haven't found one worth pursuing yet.

[D-Lish]

The girl's a game player.

She's using you to stroke her own ego.

Don't even bother talking to her about what is going on- just walk away and stop talking to her.

 

Girl's like her have issues...

kick her to the curb!

She sounds like a beotch.

D

[Salicious Crumb]

She comes back to me, goes back on the original rejection (asking if I think I can handle a girl like her),

 

 

Boom!!...stop the presses. That should have been a big red flag to you right there.

 

If a girl/woman asked me if I could handle a woman like her, I wouldn't even think about contacting her after that night was over.

 

Sounds pretty conceited to me and I don't like narcissitic people. And if she thinks she is too much to handle, then she isn't very trustworthy.

[BlueEyedSarah]

I have no romantic interest in this girl any more, which is why I don't understand why it still bothers me.

You want closure.

 

Completely cutting off contact with her isn't a viable option at this point.

Why can you not cut contact with her?

[Guest]

ok..people that are bad mouthing my babe had better stop it right now

 

i've let u jackels have yer fun for a while but it stops now

 

and if anyone objects to that - lets talk in private and then lets see how brave u are

 

my babe is not a burden - she a benefit and a positive shining light and maybe u all should stop yapping and actually take a look at WHAT ISSSUES she is tackling - anne and i will be together until death due us part - bet that one whiners

[akra]

We're both part of a small program that doesn't end for another several months.

[bluechocolate]

There is nothing to "discuss" with her. Stop trying.

 

Be civil during & polite during the rest of this program you two are attending & then cut her out of your life. Once this program stops you'll probably discover that that is not such a difficult thing to do.

[akra]

So is there any way to get completely over it before I can cut off contact?

[Poboy]

The whole thing made me feel used and humiliated. All I want to do at this point is talk to her about the whole thing, get everything cleared up, and move on. The whole thing still dwells in my mind on a regular basis, even though I know we would've made a terrible couple. I've been looking for a way to get over it completely without having to badger her about it and without having to completely cut off contact with her, but haven't found it yet.

 

Thoughts?

 

have some self repsect man. she is bad news all over ...

since you will be invloved with her in the program , keep it professional all the way... dont interact beyond that and dont give her any attention. she should get the message ... if she doesnt , last resort is in her face talk.

[akra]

I do want to remain friends with this girl though. Despite what happened, I've still had fun spending time with her. Finding a different/better girl is the best solution, but not easy. Completely cutting off contact can't happen for, at the earliest, 6 months. I'm not in love with this girl. At best, I'm attracted to her, and I know plenty of girls who I'm attracted to but not interested in.

 

 

Another thing I need to work on is not getting too interested too early. This tends to happen when I feel like a girl is out of my league, then she starts paying attention to me. This may be for another thread, however.

[Salicious Crumb]

ok..people that are bad mouthing my babe had better stop it right now

 

i've let u jackels have yer fun for a while but it stops now

 

and if anyone objects to that - lets talk in private and then lets see how brave u are

 

my babe is not a burden - she a benefit and a positive shining light and maybe u all should stop yapping and actually take a look at WHAT ISSSUES she is tackling - anne and i will be together until death due us part - bet that one whiners

 

And just who the hell are you?....guest