beachlover Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 I have been hanging out with this guy for the last few months. I found out that he had a girlfriend, we'll call her Molly, we had just been studying for classes and nothing had ever happened between us although there was definitely an attraction. He came over to my place about a month ago and while we were studying he mentioned that his relationship with Molly was over. At that point I was hoping that he would show more interest in me, but I wasn't going to make the first move. Before he left that night he kissed me, we ended up making out for an hour or so then he left. After that I was in and out of town for work and visiting some friends, we talked every few days the whole time I was out and about but never managed to see each other in person when I was in town. Last night we both finally had free time at the same time so he came over. We spent several hours talking and fooling around, and we were drinking too. After a few hours he told me that he had something to confess... he hadn't actually broke up with Molly. I started asking him why he told me that it was over... he said that he hasn't had sex with her in over two months and he spent most of his free time going out to bars with his friends and not hanging out with her, and that he didn't love her anymore. I can be really picky when it comes to guys, I have been screwed over by every other guy I have dated in the past, so I am very cautious with who I date. He is intelligent, determined, motivated, has his bachelors degree and had a job 9 months before he actually graduated at a great bio-tech company... he is amazing, to say the least. Except for what he told me last night... It really bugs me but at the same time I keep thinking about how great he is in every other aspect, now I am torn... He tried to have sex with me after he told me all of this and I wouldn't let him, I told him that I was uncomfortable with the fact that he still has a girlfriend, especially since the last relationship I was in ended because the guy cheated on me. He ended up staying the night last night because we were both too drunk and I didn't want him trying to drive home. This morning he asked me how much he told me last night and I repeated what he said about his girlfriend and I that was pissed. He said that he wants to start a relationship with me but doesn't know how to end the relationship with her. Now what?
Lauriebell82 Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 wow u need to get as far away from this guy as u can. he sounds like a jerk. he lied to u about breaking up with his gf, then cheated on her with u when he was drunk and confessed that he still with her, then didn't remember it the next morning! u can do soooooo much better. imagine that he actually did break up with molly and got into a relationship with u. what happens if he realizes that he doesnt love u anymore or want to be with u. is he going to find some other girl to to pursue and lie to about ur relationship status? STAY AWAY FROM HIM, because if u dont ur just going to end up in heartache. the only way to stop guys from treating u like crap is to not let them. and if u forgive this guy, then he'll think its ok that he lied and decieved u. just end it before u end up getting emotionally attached. there are guys that have a lot going for them out there that wont treat u like garbage.
Hitman10000 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Simple, become friends with his soon to be ex girlfriend. And then you do what you girls like doing, character-assassination.
Zaira Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 He doesn't know how to end the relationship with her? What rubbish Give him the flick. You deserve better than that.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Hi this is Lauriebell82's BF. Tell him to call u after he dumps his g/f. He sounds like a great guy. Honestly, sometimes things like this happen where a guy just doesn't like his GF< but never "offically" told her to get lost. It's not right, but it happens. Tell him to dump the broad, and call you. I mean come on, everyones been in a relationship that at some point they decided to get out of. Can't blame him too much. bye
Lauriebell82 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 my boyfriend is full of crap..dump the ******* before he breaks ur heart..guys are jerks, especially guys like that. just forget about him and move on.
Author beachlover Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 Hi... thanks for all the responses, I know I need to get away from him, but I am afraid that when he starts calling in a few days I will want to see him again... What I don't understand is why he decided to confess to me that he is still with this gf when he knew it would piss me off, he knows how much I hate cheaters! Hitman, I really like your idea I kinda wish I could get ahold of his gf at least to tell her what her bf has been up to, she has to have some idea that something is up. It's not like I could track her down anyway all I know is her first name (a very common one), what school she goes to (one of the biggest ones in the state) and her age. Lauriebell's bf, I had that thought too but who is to say that he wouldn't call me in a week and say he broke up with her when he really didn't? Apparently I am good at getting myslef into messed up situations with guys:)
ls3360 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 guys are jerks Hey! Don't pin that on all of us.
ShoeGirl Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Hey! Don't pin that on all of us. No offense... but I have not met any guy who never acts like a jerk, some act like jerks more than others... beachlover, Don't let this guy play that game with you, even if he breaks up with his girlfriend and you start dating him he will most likely cheat on you too, and I'm pretty sure you don't want that. Stay away from him
Lauriebell82 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 ok so not all guys are jerks, but even the great, sweet, nice ones act like jerks sometimes. but this guy is DEF. a jerk, get away from him as fast as u possibly can.
Author beachlover Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 apparently my posts are taking more than a day to actuallly show up... anyway, I hate this feeling right now... he just texted me, which usually means he wants to get together... I haven't answered it and I am not planning on it, but knowing him he will start calling or texting more tomorrow, I don't know how long I can take it before I will give in. The thing is that I know he is not good for me in the long run but he is so much fun right now, I also know I will end up getting hurt if I don't end this now. GRRRR I have a million thoughts running through my head.
Author beachlover Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 I decided that I am not going to let him do this anymore... what do I say to him, that I changed my mind and I don't want anything to do with his cheating? Or do I just start ignoring his calls and texts? What would you do? I have never been in this position before, any advice would be great!
Guest Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Let's use some communication and work on maturity. TELL him truthfully how you feel. 1. You like him a lot and are interested in a relationship with him. 2. But you want to be his #1 and the only way to be this is for him to break off with his GF. 3. If you don't trust him, then ask him for proof. If he is not willing then you will have to decide whether to trust or not. 4. Tell him after his break up, you will casually DATE him for 3 months. During those three months, you can work on getting closer to each other emotionally and getting to know one another etc. 5. Do not attempt to get into a serious relationship with him until you are sure he is not using you as a rebound. And that he is completely over her. 6. Be careful not to have sex with him too early on, as then you will be emotionally attached and will have a hard time extracting yourself if you feel unsafe. 7. Work on setting clear boundaries for yourself so that you don't get hurt by this guy or any other guy. 8. Learn to Love yourself and realize that you have a right to your feelings. 9. He sounds like an OK guy who is quite immature, but that could change over time. You just need to work on it with him.
Author beachlover Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 ok... he has called me 4 times in the last 24 hours, 2 of them were in the last 5 mintues... he finally left a message the last time getting mad because I am ignoring his calls. I need to figure out what to tell him, I am not willing to be part of him cheating, now that I know he is cheating! Am I just too nice, should I not call him back at all? Anyone have any advice for what to say to him?
PussInHeels Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 You can say that as long as he isn't single, you two have nothing to talk about and be firm. I've never stayed with someone I didn't care about anymore, especially if someone I actually liked came along. People break up for less, what's his deal? Perhaps he was lying about not caring as well...
daisydo Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I would get myself out of this situation and fast. He is a cheater and he lied to you. It does sound fun and exciting at first - but think about Molly. You were in her shoes just a short time ago. Remember the pain you felt. Also, if he is telling you he wants to break up with Molly to be in a relationship with you - that is a big red flag. He is promiscuous and is most likely doing this just to convince you to have sex with him. He has lied once before - he can and probably will lie again. If you must talk to him tell him the truth straight up. Tell him you find his promiscuity repulsive and you don't want anything to do with him anymore. Tell him he needs to be upfront and honest with his girlfriend and seek some counseling. Then hang up with him and never speak with him again. I know this all sounds harsh but someone who behaves like that has some deep issues. He has no respect for you or Molly. Stay away and find someone who has some scruples and will treat you like you deserve to be treated! I hope this helps. Be strong!
stace79 Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I think the important thing to remember (and I have difficulty doing this myself) is that you can only control what YOU do and think. If you are hurting, if you are upset, if you don't trust him...those things you can control. You cannot control what he is doing, and most importantly, you may not ever understand WHY he is doing it. That is the hardest part...we all want closure and some sort of explanation. Please move on...I have seen far too many situations with one person going between two others, and it is really unfair and hurtful. Even if everyone has honest intentions, nothing good can come from putting yourself in that situation. So given that this guy has already lied to you, I don't think he is having honest intentions. Do your best to be strong, delete his number and don't answer his calls. Hi... thanks for all the responses, I know I need to get away from him, but I am afraid that when he starts calling in a few days I will want to see him again... What I don't understand is why he decided to confess to me that he is still with this gf when he knew it would piss me off, he knows how much I hate cheaters! Hitman, I really like your idea I kinda wish I could get ahold of his gf at least to tell her what her bf has been up to, she has to have some idea that something is up. It's not like I could track her down anyway all I know is her first name (a very common one), what school she goes to (one of the biggest ones in the state) and her age. Lauriebell's bf, I had that thought too but who is to say that he wouldn't call me in a week and say he broke up with her when he really didn't? Apparently I am good at getting myslef into messed up situations with guys:)
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