Vermillion Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 So I’m reading this book right now, and it brings up some interesting points. Basically it boils down to the fact that men like challenge, and that bitches get them hooked because they basically have a “take it or leave it” attitude towards the relationship, and this apparently keeps the man guessing (challenged?) and therefore interested. Where as the “nice girls” put it all out there too quickly and the man no longer feels like he is working towards something, thereby losing interest fairly quickly. No challenge=no longer feeling any need to put in effort. And then there is the sex issue. The book advises making him wait as long as possible but without being a tease about it. Not sure where the line is there... so I'm interested in hearing opinions. A lot of it DOES make sense to me, and it gives me a better idea of where I'm screwing up. As I don't seem to have much problem getting guys interested in me... it's keeping them interested that I'm having the issue with. They will go from doting all over me and being super wonderful, and then when I move forward to a "relationship" at their request mind you, it's all over. Do I really have to be a bitch to keep them coming back for more? LOL. I am a very straight up person, I'm not much in to the whole game playing aspect of dating, but I guess I'm willing to experiment a bit with my attitude towards it all. Any thoughts?
trulycute Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 i have this book too and to me it means to stand up for urself and don't take any crap off anyone and let anyone walk all over you....play a little hard to get, just be busy sometimes...let the guy know ure interested but don't call him all the time or text all the time...make him wonder what ure up to sometimes....let him come to you..... once ure in a relationship and he has pursued you for one then u already have that secure feeling of knowing that he is into you so u no longer have to pay hard to get or be indifferent, but still keep ur life and stay busy--that helps you to keep ur edge.... a man wants a woman who is independent and isn't a clingon but that doesn't mean that he wants to be ignored and not loved.... let him know that u choose to be with him and that if things aren't going well and ure not happy that you will leave....he can never take you for granted....he must crave and desire you, not always know that u'll be there to jump whenever he calls... true love is fun, but its not a game.....go with your gut concerning him, u'll know if ure with a good guy that will love that fiesty woman in you...lol... my bf knows i love him dearly and adore him to pieces but he also knows i'm strongwilled/independent and would kick his butt if he ever stepped over the line....lol.....that's what the book is trying to get you to be...
ls3360 Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Vermillion, In regard to the content of your post about playing hard to get: I don't think that's being a b**ch. I think it's just being smart or savvy. You don't need to be mean or cruel about it. And the partner benefits too if you do it to the right degree. -- Oh... and I think it works both ways. Both guys and gals respond the in similar ways.
Pyro Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 So I’m reading this book right now, and it brings up some interesting points. Basically it boils down to the fact that men like challenge, and that bitches get them hooked because they basically have a “take it or leave it” attitude towards the relationship, and this apparently keeps the man guessing (challenged?) and therefore interested. Where as the “nice girls” put it all out there too quickly and the man no longer feels like he is working towards something, thereby losing interest fairly quickly. No challenge=no longer feeling any need to put in effort. And then there is the sex issue. The book advises making him wait as long as possible but without being a tease about it. Not sure where the line is there... so I'm interested in hearing opinions. A lot of it DOES make sense to me, and it gives me a better idea of where I'm screwing up. As I don't seem to have much problem getting guys interested in me... it's keeping them interested that I'm having the issue with. They will go from doting all over me and being super wonderful, and then when I move forward to a "relationship" at their request mind you, it's all over. Do I really have to be a bitch to keep them coming back for more? LOL. I am a very straight up person, I'm not much in to the whole game playing aspect of dating, but I guess I'm willing to experiment a bit with my attitude towards it all. Any thoughts? A "bitch" does not attract me whatsoever. I have been there and done that. You want to keep me interested? Be yourself and respect me. I'm past all the games.
Woggle Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 This man does not love bitches. Any woman who pulls that on me would be out the door. Just be yourself and be natural. Let things fall into place.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 I do know some men with total bitches and wonder why they put up with their women. I don't understand it, and it certainly doesn't work with all men. The only thing I know is that I don't want to be with a man who wants a bitch. I like things to be straight up and think that bitchiness would be exhausting to keep up. I too tired to work that hard.
Pyro Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 I do know some men with total bitches and wonder why they put up with their women. I don't understand it, and it certainly doesn't work with all men. The only thing I know is that I don't want to be with a man who wants a bitch. I like things to be straight up and think that bitchiness would be exhausting to keep up. I too tired to work that hard. Some people may confuse bitchiness with spunk or being a smartass. Big difference between the two. A bitch is usually never happy with anything and is untrusting. Who would want to put up with that?
Porn_Guy Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 I do know some men with total bitches and wonder why they put up with their women. One of my best buddies is married to a woman who is a total bitch....few people like her. The kicker is she's 50lbs overweight and below average looking. She does have a good job and is educated, however. My buddy suffers from low self-esteem and for some reason likes being bossed around....no one has figured out why.
Woggle Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Men put up with bitches because many men have been conditioned to believe that everything is their fault and to apologize for their existence. When their woman nags them and treats them like garbage they think they deserve it and bend and twist themselves around trying to change whatever made her mad. I would just throw her ass out but every man is not like me.
Pyro Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 So in reality, men do not actually love them, but the ones who have no spine put up with their behavior.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Some people may confuse bitchiness with spunk or being a smartass. Big difference between the two. A bitch is usually never happy with anything and is untrusting. Who would want to put up with that? That's the kind of bitch I'm referring to. Controlling bitches. One of my best buddies is married to a woman who is a total bitch....few people like her. The kicker is she's 50lbs overweight and below average looking. She does have a good job and is educated, however. My buddy suffers from low self-esteem and for some reason likes being bossed around....no one has figured out why. Low self-esteem seems a likely reason to be with someone few people like. When you don't like yourself, you tend to subconsciously seek out people that validate that you're not worthy.
Porn_Guy Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 That's the kind of bitch I'm referring to. Controlling bitches. ha ha...this buddy's wife I was talking 'bout. She answers his cell phone half of the time. She has her own but enjoys keeping "tabs" on him. She screens his messages and mail also. Ha ha ha. I left a voicemail for him on his cell about 2 wks ago and he still hasn't called me back prolly cause she intercepted the message and then didn't tell him I called. I've known him for 25 years and he always calls me back within a day or two.
Woggle Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 This is why I got a prenup. If my wife starts acting like that I have an easy out.
Porn_Guy Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 This is why I got a prenup. If my wife starts acting like that I have an easy out. prenups aren't all that and a bag of chips....if she gets a good lawyer your prenup won't be worth the paper its written on.
Woggle Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 prenups aren't all that and a bag of chips....if she gets a good lawyer your prenup won't be worth the paper its written on. True but I had one of the best divorce lawyers in NJ write mine plus if I have to I can play dirty of a divorce should happen. Most men let themselves get walked on but not me. I will drag a woman through court for years if need be.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 I generally try to live by the golden rule. I don't like controlling, bitchy behavior, so I try to keep that to a minimum. My man (like Woggle) would kick me to the curb if I acted inappropriately too often. He lets me have a moment every now and then, as I do for him, but we quickly tighten up. I wouldn't even think of answering his cell phone or reading his mail. I just tell him he has a missed call if he's outside when it rings.
RecordProducer Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Basically it boils down to the fact that men like challenge Very interesting! And then there is the sex issue. The book advises making him wait as long as possible but without being a tease about it. Not sure where the line is there... so I'm interested in hearing opinionsWhat they mean is you act like you're no interested in sex with them, like you want to be just friends. It makes their blood boil. You are not a bitch, you're a decent girl and they don't feel comfortable approaching sexually cuz you don't encourage them. A lot of it DOES make sense to me, and it gives me a better idea of where I'm screwing up. Me, too. And thank you for starting this thread. I have to order the book. As I don't seem to have much problem getting guys interested in me... it's keeping them interested that I'm having the issue with. Bon jour! You and millions of other women! Do I really have to be a bitch to keep them coming back for more? No. They used the name "bitch" to sell the book, but what they mean is a woman who is not.. well like us. All of us. My uncle said once that in order that a relationship succeeds, the man has to be very much in love and the woman shouldn't be in love. But then it's not fun for her. So she has to act like she would act if she weren't in love. I know a perfect couple that matches my uncle's theory. I am very close to both of them so I know for sure that they are very happy and not BS-ing me. She is not jealous, she makes no scenes because of every little thing, she doesn't crave his attention or affection, she is not easily hurt by his actions or lack thereof. But when we're in love, we fight over an email, a gift card, a phone call... and of course, over a bloody mattress! Clinginess and demands and arguments ruin relationships, there's no doubt about that. Being plain sweet and nice DOES NOT! They are trying to sell you a theory that a woman should be mean to a man, but that's completely incorrect. The perfect couple I mentioned, she is very sweet, caring and good to him, she cooks and makes sacrifices, she is always cheerful... but she has an independent spirit, she is not needy, and doesn't expect much, but gets a lot. She is not independent financially, she doesn't work and she is 50 (she recently moved from another country to the US). However I wouldn't want to be with a guy and not be in love with him.t sucks out all the pleasure. I want to burn in passionate love, but stay cool. Well that's impossible.
magichands Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 I want to burn in passionate love, but stay cool. Well that's impossible. It's definitely your time of the month. I'll make a note for future reference.
Guest Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 "Why do men love bitches?" Its a myth. Most don't really. Sure you will come across a few that do, and it mostly comes from how they might have been treated previoulsy and their interaction with females growing up. Alot of times society and the things you see have alot to do with it as well. This is why I got a prenup. If my wife starts acting like that I have an easy out. Then its not love.
IpAncA Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 men do love bitches Yes I would agree but to an extent.
Porn_Guy Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Yes I would agree but to an extent. to what extent?
IpAncA Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 to what extent? It depends on how much the guy can handle. He may like being with someone who is like that but if that person keeps on crossing the line, he might not be able to take it anymore.
lindya Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 So I’m reading this book right now, and it brings up some interesting points. Basically it boils down to the fact that men like challenge, and that bitches get them hooked because they basically have a “take it or leave it” attitude towards the relationship, and this apparently keeps the man guessing (challenged?) and therefore interested. Where as the “nice girls” put it all out there too quickly and the man no longer feels like he is working towards something, thereby losing interest fairly quickly. No challenge=no longer feeling any need to put in effort. I can't see what's bitchy about the behaviour you're describing. Too much clinginess and eagerness to please from a partner can be suffocating and stressful to a lot of people. I'd see the "holding back a bit" approach as being polite and respectful of your potential/new partner's space, rather than constituting bitchiness. It just goes to show how the perception of what constitutes bitchiness can vary from one person to the next. And then there is the sex issue. The book advises making him wait as long as possible but without being a tease about it. Not sure where the line is there... so I'm interested in hearing opinions. I think you have sex with a person when you feel comfortable and ready to have sex with them. Some people get into that comfort zone more quickly than others. Applying a set of fixed rules to it sounds like a recipe for not-very-hot sex. Do I really have to be a bitch to keep them coming back for more? LOL. I am a very straight up person, I'm not much in to the whole game playing aspect of dating, but I guess I'm willing to experiment a bit with my attitude towards it all. Any thoughts? If you regard the kind of behaviour you're talking about (ie holding back a bit and keeping yourself in balance rather than being very eager to please) as bitchy, then it would seem like a really bad idea for you to start behaving like that. Presumably if you felt that you were acting like a bitch, you would neither like nor respect yourself for it.
Recommended Posts