alasia Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Hi. Thought I'd post this in here as I'm not sure if my boyfriend and I are actually back together or not. We'd been living together for 5 months and went on a break (his decision) on New Years' Eve. We had to keep a certain amount of contact up as my pet rats are still at his place, and he'd text or phone me occasionally to ask for information on looking after them. But anyway basically apart from that, he said he wanted complete NC. He's a bus driver and on Monday (8th) he had a shift that would mean he'd be in my town at a certain time, for a few minutes. I went to meet him and give him some stuff for the rats that he'd asked for, and ended up staying with him on the bus and chatting. We got on really well. When I was due to get off and go back home, he asked me to go back to his place - at first I said it wouldn't be a good idea, because we'd end upo arguing (I actually thought that he'd want sex but then maybe not want to get back together afterwards and I'd feel used), but ended up going back anyway. Long story short, we did end up sharing a bed and 'you know' and afterwards, started talking about what we each thought that night had meant. I said it was "just sex" (trying to cover up my real feelings) and he said it was "how it used to be". He said he did still love me and wanted to try again. I ended up staying at his house for 3 nights, coming home yesterday afternoon. Since then he hasn't been in touch - apart from when I send him a text message asking something, and I'll get a very short reply back - it seems like he doesn't want to speak to me. He's also refusing to tell his family and friends that we're back together (they all got involved in the break up) and as a result, I have to pretty much go into hiding when I stay at his house - not leaving the house, making sure his mother (who lives opposite) doesn't see me and if anyone notices the lights on when my bf is at work and asks him about it, he says he left them on by mistake, instead of admitting I'm there. It's very embarrassing and makes me feel awful. When I've asked him to admit to people that we're back together, he says he will, but "needs time". Now I'm left wondering whether he's just after sex (he says he isn't), or if he's having second thought sabout us. Am I asking too much by expecting him to come clean and/or text me more?
Functional Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Was your first break up from abuse from either party? If so, I could see why he would not want to tell anyone and would keep you a secret. If not, I'm confused on why he would keep you in hiding.
Author alasia Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 As ashamed as I am to admit it, yes there was some violence - I was going through a lot (not that it's any excuse, obviously) at the time and lashed out at him sometimes(slapping, hair pulling, that kind of thing) during arguments. I can understand him not wanting to tell people if that's the reason, I just wish he'd tell me if that was his reason for keeping me quiet - but when I ask him he just says he will tell people eventually. I'd be able to deal with it a lot better if he'd just say what the problem was, instead of me having to guess.
Lostandfound Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 If you want my honest opinion, and i expect you want nothing but, i believe that the answer lies in your post. Sex is an act betwen 2 consenting adults, and so therefore you both had to agree to it, and its a mindblowing experience for many, usually on impulse and often frantic. Quite often there does not have to be love for this to take place As opposed to Making love, between two people who are very much in love which is an act of cherishing and nurturing each others body, caressing and holding and basically an extension of the act desribed above. Now ask yourself, did you make love, or did you have sex. Once you have the answer to that question i believe you have the answer to your original question, and then you can act upon it
Author alasia Posted January 13, 2007 Author Posted January 13, 2007 Well. At the time, I saw it more as 'just sex'. He said he saw it as "how it used to be" (his exact words). I've said to him that feelings weren't involved, and he disagreed and said "maybe they weren't for you, but they were for me". I did stay at his place for 3 nights, had sex the first night and the last night, and the second night he fell asleep on the sofa downstairs (or so he says...personally I think he chose to sleep down there). So, I don't know. I suppose I get why he's reluctant to move things along quickly and tell everyone we're back together, after all it's only been 5 days (he did tell me last night when I saw him, that he was going to tell his friends about us tomorrow, but whether that actually happens or not, I don't know), but I'm just worry that I'm being played.
timo Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 hey u can ask him n talk to him but be calm if he confused u he want u for sex
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