dembollo Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 A few details.....I have been married now for about 5 years but there is no passion or sparks that either of us feel deeply for each other. There never were any butterflies or that infrequent but familiar feeling you have when there is a strong chemistry. Yes, we are "best friends," compatible, share many interests and sense of humor. Our courtship began online, with her being from Brazil and I visited from the U.S. (multiple times), and after a brief courtship, (6 months) we married. I think that both of us got caught up in the moment, and acted impulsively. We have discussed this and the idea of seperating/divorcing because of this lack of passion. She has told me that she has learned to love me, knows I am handsome, dependable, etc....but lacks the "fire" that she had experienced once before in another relationship. I too agree....there are no goosebumps on my side and were none......We both have spent time talking and crying, but are unsure....is the crying for the end of something we have invested in but now realize is unsalvagable...Or something else? We both want is best, but maybe neither of us can make the final decision...... Thoughts?
Functional Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Does the butterflies exist between people forever? I have experienced them once with my first love. 20 years later and I'm searching for that same feeling, but wondering if it truely exists between two people. I'm sure in the beginning of any relationship it brings feelings of excitement, butterflies etc. but once one is comfortable they go away. Its a feeling brought on by newness, unfamiliarity and excitement. A relationship involves a deeper sense and understanding of what is important to eachother. I think you can think of ways to bring some excitement and desire back into your relationship. At least explore the possibilities before making a decision you may regret.
L-FUZZ Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 i think crying means there is somethin there your not talking about,,, if you both feel the lack of fire , yet you're both crying while talking about this, then i think you guys aren't talking about somethin... have you guys considered counseling..?? sometimes this helps,, but if your determind that it wont work then it wont... and both of you have to be willing to communicate. You know all that Dr. PHil stuff is what i'm getting at.
riobikini Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Dembollo, get busy now searching this site for loads of threads on your subject. This is a hot one and there is plenty of material here. Hopefully, by the time you pore through all the great advice of all the many posters who've written on this subject, you'll realize you are certainly not alone and that this *very common* problem is oftentimes *solvable*. Good luck! And don't throw in the towel just yet! -Rio
Guest Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 "believe in making love. Not just sex. That is what it felt like to me. I kept begging him to cum and he said relax baby, I haven't even warmed up yet. To me, I cannot be sexually satisfied unless I have satisfied my partner. But I tried every trick in the book and nothing worked I felt like I was failing him. So, I could not enjoy myself when I knew there was no satisfiying him, at least not til he had been pounding for at least a hour Your right it should not hurt making love. But I felt if I did not satisfy him I was the failure. So I stood it one more time. But after he went home and I had a chance to think about it. I thought. All I am to this guy is a receptacle. There was not passion. Just lots of pounding." i hope u told him this. i was told once something like that and its crushing. not sure i have tackled this on in therapy yet. it will be tough because when u are told that u are 'disconnected', 'false', 'just objectifing' - and that is simply impossible for u it hurts deep - and i understand why it was said. that is why i can say that comp vids were like watching paint dry. i am still trying to recover [as she is] my true sexaul being. my problem, which became our problem, is i have never experienced someone like her - it was punch drunk love. i have learned how something like that can take u beyond earthly matters and take u to hell and heaven but thankfully the same woman that shared that also brings you back to earth - after making u roadkill first what i am saying is - this is why I KNOW SHE IS THE ONE with or without
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