Guest Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 I have been friends with this woman for almost 17 years, and our friendship came to an end recently. Her choice not mine. I was nothing but good to her. Helped her in times of need, was there for her. Mostly did NOT tell her things she wanted to hear either. I feel a true friend will sometimes tell you things you might not always want to hear. I think she ended up surrounding her self with friends who ended up telling her things she did want to hear though. Thats fine, its her choice. However, heres the problem. These so called friends she thinks she has, are coming to me now telling me of the things she is saying. These are friends of hers that I don't really know all that well. Maybe met once or twice and some more than that. I have told these frineds of hers I don't care to hear the things they are telling me, its not my business. I don't care what she says, because I don't waste my time with people who feel the need to gossip to make themselves feel better. At one point I thought maybe she put these friends of hers up to telling me these things. But now with some of the things they are saying, I'm not so sure that she knows. I don't think she does. She thinks they are her friends, because they feed her things she wants to hear all the time, but yet they are talking about her behind her back. I'm the one who was her real friend, but got the boot. I was also recently told that because she acts the way she does, she probably thinks it's bothers me she severed ties in the friendship, but was told that she proably did me a favor, and didn't even realize it. I think maybe it was time for our friendship to come to a halt as well, but I just can't help but feel bad about the fact these friends of her (who are not really her friends after all) are ratting her out. Should I just let this go, or let her know what they are doing and saying? I feel almost obligated to tell her, and not sure why. She propably wouldn't beleive me anyway, because these are the people who tell her things she wants to hear. She never really listened to or beleived me anyway and I was her real friend. Any advice would be helpful, thanks.
JackJack Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 If you don't mind me asking, what led up to her deciding to not be friends with you anymore? I think maybe it was time for our friendship to come to a halt anyway Why? IMO, I understand you feel like she should know these friends of hers seem to not really be her friends, but it might be something you need to let her find out on her own. You said yourself, she never seemed to beleive anything you said anyway, so I wouldn't even bother. If you were to tell her, now that you all aren't friends right now, she might feel you are trying to start trouble with her "new friends." Even though you wouldn't be, and you just wanted her to know the truth, she might not see it that way.
Guest Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 If you don't mind me asking, what led up to her deciding to not be friends with you anymore? I think maybe it was time for our friendship to come to a halt anyway Why? IMO, I understand you feel like she should know these friends of hers seem to not really be her friends, but it might be something you need to let her find out on her own. You said yourself, she never seemed to beleive anything you said anyway, so I wouldn't even bother. If you were to tell her, now that you all aren't friends right now, she might feel you are trying to start trouble with her "new friends." Even though you wouldn't be, and you just wanted her to know the truth, she might not see it that way.I do not even know what led up to her not wanting to be friends. She just kind of stopped calling, coming over, emailing IMing etc. I tried several times to be in touch with her to find out what exactly was going on. I called, sent emails etc, and she never responded. I aslo know she got my emails and calls, because I was told by a family memeber of hers she received them. She just chose to ignore them. Why do I feel it might have been time for the friendship to caome to a halt? I love her to death but shes a pretty negative person. I understand she always has been, but after 17 years of friendship and not much change on her part to try to at least be positive about some things, I guess it got old. It wasn't that I wasn't her friend, far from the truth, it just got old and I felt drained. She was never really happy about anything and I found that when I was around her, or talked to her, I became negative too. I didn't want to be like that, and it was effecting my life in a negative way. I think we have both changed alot over the past few years, and I understand friendships change or come to a halt, I guess I just feel bad to see some of these new people shes talking with, deceive her.
nancyleeh Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Here's my 2 cents. Don't tell her that her 'so called' new friends are talking behind her back. That's for her to figure out. And even more important, if any of them start gossiping about her to you, STOP them and do not listen to a single word they have to say. And maybe it would be good to not get to cozy with her new 'so called' friends and bow out of the picture. This sounds like a situation that is going to turn very sour. nancyleeh
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