kramevoli Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 So here it is. I dated a guy from grade 8 until I graduated high school (on and off, mostly on), he's two years older than me but went to the local college for the two years I was still in high school. When I graduated I was leaving that summer for work and then off to university quite far away, so he decided to go to school also quite far away. We talked about ending our relationship before the summer because we weren't sure when we'd see each other again. So that was it. That was 3 years ago but we still talk a lot, every day for hours. We haven't see each other for about 2 years and it is really hard. We love each other still, talk about getting back together, and what could be. Now the problem is he has been dating a girl (who.. he complains to me about all the time saying she yells at him a lot and has even sent me their online message history telling him that she's just using him for a place to live while in school, how he's not romantic, that he's a liar and cheater, etc) and now they are engaged, and she even complains about how he proposed. Even worse is she is crazy jealous, so he's not allowed to talk to any girls whatsoever. She thinks he will cheat (not sure why) or something, even though I love a 12 hour drive away, and it's not just with me but all girls. While he works he's online so we talk all day and e-mail each other a lot. He's even gone as far as getting an e-mail address she doesn't know about because she demanded his passwords for the others so she could check and read his mail. I don't know what to do. He says he doesn't think they will last, that she keeps saying she's going to leave and that he can't take her constant arguing. Problem is he has been saying that for some time now, and I know he loves me but I'm just getting frustrated and impatient. I know we could have a great relationship and everything if he would just leave her like he says. How much waiting is too much?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated Thanks.
Author kramevoli Posted January 13, 2007 Author Posted January 13, 2007 Can someone please give some advice???
Reckless Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Problem is he has been saying that for some time now, and I know he loves me but I'm just getting frustrated and impatient. I know we could have a great relationship and everything if he would just leave her like he says. So let me get this straight. You are in constant contact with your ExYour ex is in bad relationship with another womanYou say your ex says loves you but I can't see where he has told you he does in your post in any case (I presume) despite his unhappiness he is still having regular sex with a woman other than youYou are waiting for your ex to break up with this woman and come back to you (sorry did he SAY he would?) your ex hasn't done so and your getting frustrated. So.... Your ex is using you to relieve the tension of his bad love choicesYour ex is too weak or lazy or both not to end his relationship with someone that (according to you) he doesn't love Your ex is displaying disloyalty to his girlfriend by sharing intimate details of his current relationship with someone outside of that relationshipYOU are putting your life on hold without being asked Hmmm....well my advice is this: 1. Tell him you love him and want to get back together. 2. Stop all communication with him until he breaks up with his girlfriend. 3. When he turns up at your door declaring his undying love and begging to get back together. 4. Write to Loveshack so I can eat my hat.
Author kramevoli Posted January 13, 2007 Author Posted January 13, 2007 So let me get this straight. You are in constant contact with your ExYour ex is in bad relationship with another womanYour ex says he loves you but (I presume) is having regular sex with another woman Pretty much.. although 'regular sex' would be used with caution. You are waiting for your ex to break up with this woman and come back to you I've dated other guys, but.. I quickly realize that I miss my ex too much and it's just not the same. your ex hasn't done so and your getting frustrated.So.... Well.. why wouldn't I? Your ex is using you to relieve the tension of his bad love choices Besides dating for over 4 years we were also best friends, so for us it's natural to talk about everything. Your ex is too weak or lazy or both not to end his relationship with someone that he doesn't loveYour ex is displaying disloyalty to his girlfriend by sharing intimate details of his current relationship with someone outside of that relationshipYour ex is two-timing his girlfriend on an emotional level by saying he loves you while being with her I'm not saying the situation is 'ok' because of what he's doing, but yes he's too weak to end his relationship. Although he claims he loves her too just not the same way. and YOU are putting your life on hold for such a manHmmm.... Although I already responded to a previous comment that was similiar, I haven't put my life on hold I have dated other guys, etc. We talk every day while he's at work (he also talks to other old friends from home, etc because she doesn't let him). I guess what I was asking in this thread is do I continue this.. It has been 8 years since we first started dating for 4 years so it would be very hard not to have him in my life at all. Lately our conversations have grown much more serious.. I'm just.. frustrated. p.s. Yes he does tell me he loves me every time we talk, opens the conversation with 'hi love/darling' and ends every one with 'i love you and miss you, talk you again tomorrow. xoxoxo'.
notmakingsense Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 If you want him as a boyfriend you have to tell him and you have to cut off contact if he doesn't dump is current bf and commit to you. If you don't want to risk your friendship, then you should stay just his friend and not have any expectations of him. If you cut off contact or stay friends -- either way, you will need to work more on dating and opening up yourself to other guys.... it takes time, but there will be another "right" guy for you. If he dumps his current gf, be prepared to put in extra work on the long-distance relationship -- but you two are strong friends, so you have a great foundation upon wich you can draw strength. Good luck!
Author kramevoli Posted January 14, 2007 Author Posted January 14, 2007 If you want him as a boyfriend you have to tell him and you have to cut off contact if he doesn't dump is current bf and commit to you. If you don't want to risk your friendship, then you should stay just his friend and not have any expectations of him. If you cut off contact or stay friends -- either way, you will need to work more on dating and opening up yourself to other guys.... it takes time, but there will be another "right" guy for you. If he dumps his current gf, be prepared to put in extra work on the long-distance relationship -- but you two are strong friends, so you have a great foundation upon wich you can draw strength. Good luck! Thank very much for your advice I will definitely consider these things you have suggested.
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