Guest Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 My ex-girlfriend broke up with me 8 months ago after a 9yr relationship we dated for 6 and lived together for 3. She basically left me for someone else which was very hard to accept I was hurt for a really long time, It may sound weird but I don't blame her for pursuing a relationship with this other guy cuz for a long time I haven't kept up my end of the relationship and he had qualities I didn't that I could've easily changed. I feel lost, I've tried everything to get over her but I constantly find myself thinking about us it seems like no amount of going out, gym memberships, partying helps I don't know what else to do...my bday was last month she sent me a text message wishing me a happy bday our first contact in 5mo. I simply said thank you.... I wanted so much to call her or have a conversation with her over text but I held back the last time we spoke she made it very clear how she felt about me and us and contact until I was completely over us...anyways the guy she left me for died shortly after they started dating he was struck by a car while riding his bike..tragic. Anyways I'm doin better now than I did 6mo ago but I still think about her alot I've grown as a person but my personality has taken a nose dive I used to be very upbeat, smiled and joked around alot but lately I haven't been like that I walk around lookin all sad all the time I don't know what to do! anyways my apologies for the long post but if anyone has insight or has been thru the same thing as me I would really apprecite your input.
CaliGuy Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 8 months and you still feel this way, guest --- it's time to go see a Counselor. There's nothing to be ashamed about.
D-Lish Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 8 months after 9 years of being together isn't all that long to be grieving. I do agree that talking to someone may be a great help to you. I'm 5 months out of a one year and still upset over it. Resolving grief through talk therapy can be a great tool.
InvisibleTouch Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Apparently it takes guy's, on average two years to recover from deep emotional relationships that end, so dont beat yourself up over that. I understand your grief. The reality of the situation is that you have, for whatever reason, been rejected by someone who was incredibly close to you. It is this rejection combined with your love that is giving you your pain. So first things first, separate the two. Your feelings of low self esteem comes from the rejection. What I have done in order to cope with this feeling of worthlessness is work very hard on acknowledging that "hey, actually, I do have value!". Dont allow yourself to devalue yourself just because one person doesn't value you especially when you know that that person has reason to feel that way. So start appreciating who you are. Getting fit and working out and all that stuff is ok but really look at who you are as a person not as an object. You sound well balanced and intelligent and no doubt you have charm. For sure you have warts, we all do but generally you are ok so believe it. One thing I think you should do is look deeply into who you are and why you are. What are the influences in your life that made you the type of person you are and more importantly what influenced your emotions. Confidence will return but it will take time. You will have to continually work things through in your mind but slowly the fog will lift and your confidence will return. This I have no doubt. As for your feeling towards your ex I suggest you dont allow these to cloud your thoughts at this time. Im a firm believer that if someone rejects you then it is up to them to win you back. Yes you may have issues that drove her away but if you address those issues and show the world that you have changed then people will want you in their lives and this applies to ex's too. For sure your ex will be suffering very badly as a result of her sad experiences, so you may not be the focus of her attention right now. The only advice I can give re your ex is give her the time and space to resolve her feelings and emotions (like you) and be there for her as and when she needs you. Dont put any pressure on her whatsoever. Be her rock and friend and most importantly let her come to you. Through your actions let her know that if she were to come back to you and relate honestly with you, you will be there with open arms. Hope this helps a little.
Recommended Posts