fairetopia Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Hi, I have been searching the net for 6 months trying to make sense of my life. I have been married for 5 years and my husband has been a truck driver for 4. I thought our marriage was doing pretty good. We have had our issues about my kids, him being the step dad and everything but nothing that was bad I thought. I found out 6 months ago that he had cheated on me while out of town. He had an instant message pop up from the woman saying she enjoyed their time together the other night. Come to find out, she is a lady truck driver and she is married too and has been for 20 years. They hadn't known each other before, just a one night stand and on top of that no protection whatsoever. She sent him an email saying she went to the doctor and he needed to go and get checked out but thank God all our test were clear. And he also confessed that a year before he was giving a woman a ride and he shut down for the night and she climbed down from the top bunk and she got in the bed naked with him and that's all she wrote.. I have found womens phone numbers in his brief case but he denied ever calling any of them. He would tear them up and say he wouldn't accept any other numbers. He has always been a big flirt and exp. with the waitress' so I would just blow it off as they wanted to hook up.. Didn't want to see it for the truth. These are the only 2 that he has confessed about but I really wonder if that's the only ones. He only has one night stands and never uses protection which scares me to death. He say's he's sorry and all that crap but I think he is sorry he got caught. I am in college to become a nurse and that is full time. Our bills are high and I can't afford to pay them on my own or he would be gone. I often wonder if I should just bit the bullet and loose things, mess up my credit just to have peace of mind... But I have to be able to provide for my kids.. I am SOOOO miserable.. I don't trust him, he can look me straight in my eyes and lie to me. When I found out, I asked him if he used protection, he said yes but the following email she sent, told me differnet... I am just so freakin confused and don't know which way to go. I know I sure don't feel the same about him anymore. After 6 months I am still hurting and just can't seem to get over it at all. I don't really know what I'm doing on here, maybe just trying to make sense of things, I don't know... All I know is that I'm hurt, confused, mad and I have so many emotions inside.... Thanks for the vent.... Vicki
amaysngrace Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I'm sorry for what you're going through. That's scary stuff not using protection with roadside whores. And having to get 'checked'? That's more than I could take. It's like he's going beneath you when he chooses these women. Definitely hard to understand. I don't want to tell you what to do in regards to ending your marriage but here is one thing you need to consider: If he supports you while you are in school you very well may have to pay alimony to him if you split up. That's just food for thought. I wish I had more to offer but I'm not good with the infidelity stuff. Hopefully someone here will have more to offer you by way of advice.
LakesideDream Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Hmmmm.... a conundrum. A dirvorce/remarried Mom of two, who is a husband/stepdad, good provider and supporter financially who's only stated drawback is that he likes to wet his willie out on the interstate (pretty large drawback). Other side, a stay at home/student Mom who knows her husband is a cheat who doesen't use condoms when penetrating other women. This woman enjoys a comfortable lifestyle for herself and her two children he accepted responsibility for. Illuminating Sidebar: the lady of the house has been "searching the net for 6 months" looking for opinions on her situation. Conclusion: if it takes "6 months" to figure out a problem, it isn't a very important issue to you. Your statement that your husband was "paying the bills" is a telling one. Remember, if he wasn't paying the bills he would be "gone" (or you and your children would if he owned the house before the current marriage). Quote of the day. "Make sure the *ucking you are getting is worth the *ucking you are getting.
norajane Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 I can't really think of any good advice, except, if he's not going to wear a condom when he f*cks around, YOU should INSIST that he use a condom every time he has sex with you. The last thing you need is to contract HIV or hepatitis or something. Your kids need you.
lorr Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 I find it bizarre how you can say that your confused when your husband blatantly cheats and has unprotected sex with other women, yet you still stay with him because your more concerned about the bills.All I'm going to say is that you can continue making pathetic excuses for him and see how far it gets you. Its obvious that your husband has not an ounce of respect for you, and you don't even have any respect for yourself.The only time you will learn is when you end up contracting an incurable disease, and by that time it will be too late. **I find it ironic that you are even studying to become a nurse**(Gracious me what an asset you'd become to the medical profession)
Author fairetopia Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 You know what, I didn't post on here to be insulted lorr. I'm sorry my life is not as perfect as your must be. I thought just maybe there would be people on here that have been in a simular situation. He wanted to go to a marriage counselor so we did and I have also been in personal counseling. You have probably never been in any situation where you have to face something that takes every ounce of yourself to overcome. My priority in life is my children. If I just kicked him out, I would loose my car with no way of getting around. Now that would be great for my kids wouldn't it??? We live in the middle of nowhere with no public transportation. I would LOVE it if my husband would put 100% into this marriage, he is trying to make things up to me BUT I have having problems getting past it... THAT IS WHY I POSTED ON HERE.... For someone to maybe to say something that would help me to deal with this and be able to either cope with it and be able to put the marriage back together OR for me to get out... FOR THE RECORD.... My marriage has NOTHING to do with me becoming a nurse, that was pretty low of you lorr. I am trying to better myself and be able to help people, so you have no right to attack me by insinuating I would be a bad assett to the medical profession. People don't come on here and post about situations they are going through, expecially one's that don't have anyone else to talk to, to be slammed down by someone who is so judgmental.
Ladyjane14 Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Your husband appears to be a serial cheat, who is only repentant when he gets caught. He is most definately going to give you a social disease if you aren't wary, and these days, some of them are permanent. How much good will you be to your kids if THAT happens? Most cheaters don't tell more than they have to in order to get the 'sales job' accomplished. It'll be lot lizards next, if it hasn't happened already. And really, when you think about it... how desperate must a person be in order to trade sex for transportation(?), which is a more likely story than the one you were told. You think a person like that has a clean bill of health? I'd say the probables are only about 50/50. Your priorities are your kids and your finances as you've stated. Surely, there must be other ways to address those priorities without have to welcome this serpent into your home. If he can't keep his pants zipped up while he's on the road... he doesn't DESERVE a place in your life or in your children's live either. It's going to be difficult for you to become solvent, that's true. But no matter how hard it is... it's GOT to be better than what you're dealing with now. If I were you, I'd start the financial planning for my great escape. Meantime.... don't let him give you cooties.
lorr Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 You know what, I didn't post on here to be insulted lorr. I'm sorry my life is not as perfect as your must be. I thought just maybe there would be people on here that have been in a simular situation. He wanted to go to a marriage counselor so we did and I have also been in personal counseling. You have probably never been in any situation where you have to face something that takes every ounce of yourself to overcome. My priority in life is my children. If I just kicked him out, I would loose my car with no way of getting around. Now that would be great for my kids wouldn't it??? We live in the middle of nowhere with no public transportation. I would LOVE it if my husband would put 100% into this marriage, he is trying to make things up to me BUT I have having problems getting past it... THAT IS WHY I POSTED ON HERE.... For someone to maybe to say something that would help me to deal with this and be able to either cope with it and be able to put the marriage back together OR for me to get out... FOR THE RECORD.... My marriage has NOTHING to do with me becoming a nurse, that was pretty low of you lorr. I am trying to better myself and be able to help people, so you have no right to attack me by insinuating I would be a bad assett to the medical profession. People don't come on here and post about situations they are going through, expecially one's that don't have anyone else to talk to, to be slammed down by someone who is so judgmental. First of all you should not be insulted about any opinions I give, because they were not meant to put you down. What I find bizarre is that you know that your husband is blatantly cheating on you with other women and is also having unprotected sex.If you are/were still sleeping with him, you obviously have to think about the consequences of incurable diseases such as HIV/AIDS which can potentially kill you. Your studying to become a nurse and just think how that could affect you, and the medical profession if you were diagonised with a life threatening disease. For you to also say that if you were to kick him out you would lose the car is really a cop out. Hypothetically speaking what would you do if he decided to leave you and the children?Would you just sit there and worry about there not being public transportation, or would you get off your arse and think one step ahead of what you would do next financially? For the record nobody is perfect, but I would be damned to know that my husband is having unprotected sex with other women (endangering his and my health), with me being more concerned about public transportation and bills. There are many women out there with children who get out of negative relationships and although they are financially worse off, they make the conscious effort to start their lives from scratch even though they are struggling to make ends meet. Obviously my post has somewhat affected you making you angry(which I did not set out to do) and if anything your anger should rightfully be directed towards your husband as he is taking the living piss out of you.
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