confusedandempty Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Hey people - I don't write here very often, but I read what you've been saying here and I have learned a lot. My ex broke up with me three months ago (in two days). I feel a huge difference since the first week after the breakup and now. In the beginning I couldn't do anything. I just sat around thinking about her. It didn't matter where I was. At home, at work, at school. I always kept thinking about her. Then I realized that I had to get a grip, it's no way of living a life. I've had my closure, first by her telling me that she doesn't love me anymore, and then be her not having contacted me at all for those three months. That's okay by me now. If she doesn't want anything to do with me, then I actually don't have anything to do with her. I'm not here to talk about that stuff though. What really is bothering me is that she keeps popping up in my mind every 10 minutes or so. For an example when I hear some songs in the radio or when I see an Audi outside (she has one) or like when I saw a broken window today (she has a crack in her bathroom windows). Although I don't sink as deep into my thoughts as before, I still get so angry at me for letting those things influence my mood. Another example. I know when she gets home from work, and my body is like an alarm clock. Every day at 4:50pm she poppes into my mind as I know she's about to leave her work. Then I start wonder about how she's gonna spend her evening. But like I said before, I don't get deep into those thoughts - as I don't allow me to that. But it still is frustrating. Is this just completely normal and does it just take more time to get it out of my system. I have no desire in further relationship with this girl, although I care for her still. I just simply hate that she poppes 200 times a day into my head although I'm not thinking about her constantly. Any advices?
Mythical Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Hey, I dated my ex for 4 years and we broke up a long time ago. It was extremely hard for him he would always think about me too, just like you do. We remained friends which prob made it harder. He didn't have any interest in having a relationship with me either anymore but still cared for me a lot. We were together for a lng time, shared everything together, did everything together and were always there for each other. This could make it very hard. You will eventually be fine. Your mind will clear, I think your doing a good job so far just keep it up things will get better!
Author confusedandempty Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 Thanks for your reply I guess you're right. Time will do its work and I think I'm doing well on the road to healing. Funny thought, just when I got home from work my sisters bf was sitting in the living room listening to all my ex's favorite music. Just a coincidence. I deleted all this music from my laptop and iPod when we broke up and haven't heard any of those songs for about three months at least. When I heard those AC/DC and Zeppeling songs - I couldn't help it but I smiled. I could feel all the good memories without totally collapse and go hide in my room., just like I would have done two months ago and probably also just a month ago. It just felt good to hear those songs, and I think that it what is all about after a breakup. Concentrate and what you enjoyed and look forward to living your live. Now I'm at school and feeling just fine. No knot in my stomach...I guess it will take time To all you who recently have suffered a breakup out there. It feels horrible - but after a while all your thoughs will fade out and your life will be back to normal - just like even before you got to know your ex.
Mythical Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 im glad to hear. Just remember of course there will be ups and downs one day you'll be feeling great on your own than the next you will have a bad day/grumy etc...and want that special someone to make you feel better/to talk to. Those are the times you will think of her even more. Even in those times though its just becasue yur feeling weak you eventually find someone that can fill that void. I know when i was single that was the hardest part for me, when I was having a bad day or hade to deal with something *****y...You just need that person to talk to. And your very right...look to your futur and how you can make it better and look forward to being happy, there will be way more than one of her out there
Author confusedandempty Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 You're right Mythical, it's all question about the ups and downs. Don't need to tell me anything about that I just found my camera which I lost in June and it was full of photos of us. I shouldn't have done it, but I went through them and looked. I felt a bit like **** afterwards, but I can feel difference between weeks. If I had looked at the photos a month ago I would have broken down and started crying probably But it felt good. Good to be able to look at all the photos and don't break down totally. Sometimes I believe it's not maybe the person that I miss so much - it's more like the good times. All the fun stuff she and I did with the my friends and her friends. I guess she is replacable. But it still takes time
anora Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 you know what, you are right when you say it was the good times and the good feelings that you miss. I think one of the best ways to heal is to acknowledge that you miss the feelings, and how she made you feel. It may not neccesarily be her that you miss at all. I had a relationship with a guy (a short relationship) years ago that ended badly, he was a bit of a tool as it turned out. Anyway, at times I really miss the way we were together and how much we had in common.....little things remind me of him constantly, and then it all takes over and the memories come flooding back. For me it turned into a habit, of thinking about him. Believe me, you dont want it to get to that. I have struggled for years with it, on and off. I too have no desire whatsoever to see him again, I just want him out of my head. try to think of the not so good feelings, how she may have hurt you or when you were low...and put her face in your mind when you do. It helps, may sound weird but it works.
notmakingsense Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 confused -- this is all completely normal, and it actually does sound like you are doing quite well. Everyone is different. Some people take a *long* time to fully get over exes... One rule of thumb I heard is 1/2 the time of the relationship. If a person truly touched us deeply, memories (however fleeting) will always pop-up from time to time... and that's Ok -- it is what makes us human. Remembering both the good and bad helps us to do better in picking people the next time around.
Rooster_DAR Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Great!!! I should not have read this thread. !!!!TRIGGER!!!!!!
ratingsguy Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 !!!!TRIGGER!!!!!! Did you just shoot yourself? Seriously though, everything you're going through and went through is completely normal. And in three months you have made remarkable progress. I'm sure even at this point there may be a momentary setback or two... but nowhere near the amount you probably had immediately following the break up... plus your coping mechanism is likely working much better now. My opinion, especially if you are the dumpee, NC is the way to go... hands down. It will hurt more of course... but what will hurt even more than that is trying to remain friends, as Mythical said. Don't do it! The grieving process will be much longer unless you let go. If you must be friends again, wait until you are 100% POSITIVE you are over that person. You can remain friendly with an ex if all wounds are healed. I've also heard the 1/2 the time you were in the relationship rule, and I think (while most cases are different) it's fairly accurate in my experience.
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