expressolove Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I really needed to vent and I'm also looking for some feedback. I've been dating someone for about 8 months now. We fell in love fast and it has been bliss since. We've traveled many destinations and seen some amazing sights together. We had plans to see the world together. We've climbed obstacles and have only fell more in love with eachother. I've never felt a love like this. Which is why I was devestated when he told me told me he's been thinking a lot lately. His story is as goes: He has never loved someone the way he does me. This love scares him because it just continues to grow deeper. He will have his college degree in a year (I have a few years to go) and will make many decisions about his future, what to do and where to live. He doesn't want to have to make these decisons concerning two people which is why he feels it is better to break up with me now than later. He feels that because our love his only growing deeper, by then it will be too difficult. He wants us to remain close friends because he doesn't want us to "fall apart". He is hurt that I don't know how I can remain so close to him when my heart is broken and all I can think about is our beautiful past and what would have been our beautiful future. I asked him if he's given any thought to what it would be like with me excluded from his life. He replied that he tried but he couln't imagine his life without me. When he replied with that tears flowed from his eyes. He will not have his degree for a year so I see now use in breaking off something amazing now when we cannot predict what the future holds. So what am I to do? what does he really mean? I'm so confused.
RocketMan Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 My situation is the the same, and opposite (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t108714/ - your thoughts appreciated) Ive just finished Uni and got a job, and my gf whos younger wants to be free and single (i think - who knows). My situation has a lot of complicating factors though. You seem to be in the situation i wish i was in so much. Mine just upped and left because "it was best to do it sooner rather than later". Without more details its hard to say what hes thinking, but it sounds like you two really love each other, which in my view is something you should definately try and hold on to. Maybe hes scared of being tied down and wants to be free like my ex How has it been left? It sounds like youre both still talking friendly, so I think you just need to sit down with him and get everything out in the open - be careful not to rush it or go overboard. Bear in mind that he probably doesnt know exactly what he wants, so dont be upset if he doesnt know or gives a confused answer. Let him know that you can give him the time he needs to think about it, and that you understand. Don't nag him or try pursuading him to stay, he obviously knows youre both in love and you clearly mean a lot to him. You need to help him realise what he wants, not force him to think what you want him to. I wouldnt pressure him with talk of how you want to be with him forever, as thats probably only going to confuse him more and add to his stress. Be calm, caring and collected. Try and decide what it is you want before you speak to him. Have you had any period of no-contact? It does help you clear your head, and it will give him time to think. Just my two cents get a few more replies before you do anything, theres lots of good advice on here RocketMan
Kinger25 Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I think he's running scared. Men tend to have this problem. They seem incapable of holding onto the good girls through fear of commitment and hurt. I think its very unfair of him to do this to you after you have shared so many precious moments together. It must be heartbreaking and I feel for you. Because I dont know him it's difficult for me to say exactly what he is thinking but maybe he is just scared to death of commitment. People are made up differently, its what makes the world go round. I think he is concentrating too much on analysing everything and not feeling his emotions properly. Maybe he is scared that he's falling in love with you too deeply, but is he going to do this to every woman he meets and falls for in the future, get to a year, 2 years, 5 years down the line and then say "sorry honey, I love you too much so i'm off" he'll end up very lonely if thats the case. IMO he needs to loosen up a bit. You could be "the one" for him. You may not be, but how is he ever going to know if he doesn't give you or your relationship a chance? I'm not really helping I suppose, but what I am trying to say is maybe you should sit down with him and talk objectively about this. Dont be tense or too serious about it or you'll frighten him even more, but perhaps you should put the point accross that you feel alot for him and would like to take a chance on him. Explain to him that your situation will be the same as his in a couple of years time and that wouldn't change the way you feel about him. I think he is being stupid to let you go. If you love someone then there is ALWAYS a way around things. Obstacles can be beaten and love conquers all in the end. Tell him you feel as though you would be letting a chance at love slip through your fingers if you dont give this relationship the chance that it deserves.
daphne Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 espresso, I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend is acting this way. I've been in a very similar situation and honestly, there's nothing you can do to change his mind. He doesnt' know it now, but he's making a huge mistake which he will later regret immeasurably. One of my exes (the one in the similar situation) still does and it's been 10 years and he's married to someone else. His inexperience in life hasn't brought him the awareness that most grounded women know. A certain kind of love doesn't usually happen twice in a lifetime. And you'll always compare everyone else to that one person. The only real thing you can do is to let him go and cut the chord. You will suffer if you try to stay friends. He wants to stay friends in the event that he realizes early his folly. But this is extremely selfish of him to expect. He is starting to show a character flaw that may have spared you later on. Let him go with love, and break off contact until you no longer want him back. If he realizes he's screwed up in teh meantime, the ball's in his court. I know this is not easy since you both are still in love. But breaking up doesn't always involve one party falling out of love. And that usually hurts the most cos it doesn't make sense. If someone can let you go, they weren't not meant for your journey. The one that loves you can't think about letting you.
RecordProducer Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Expressolove, can you make any information about his background available? His childhood and his current state as well as yours. I mean, if his parents are filthy rich and you're poor, that might be the reason. If you have mental illness running in your family, perhaps his mother told him he'd never have children with you so it's better to break up now... We don't know all the details so we can't help you deal with this complicated, obscure and mysterious situation. Something is up and there's more to it than what he told you. You better find out what or simply move on. I would look for the answers straight in the source - him. Ask him to tell you the whole truth no matter how painful it might be. Nothing is more painful than this.
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