Guest Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 ... and im way messed up in the head. I have cheated on both of my very serious boyfriends A LOT, 2 yrs each. Both are extremely loyal. I hate thinking about my boyfriends' past relationships. I hate hearing any slips from them or their friends about any sex or girlfriends they've had. I hate hearing if they even think anyone else is pretty. I will ask them a zillion questions about it. These thoughts torture me constantly. Yet I still don't feel better. The thing that helps me is cheating. Yup, it has nothing to do with attraction or attention from other people. Everytime something bothers me, (say my boyfriend has slept with more people than I have) I will cheat until I catch up. I will cheat if something's bothering me until I feel better. I get extremely intoxicated so that I can feel comfortable getting with strangers. I'm not always talking sex. Maybe just kissing. It gives me the upper hand. Now, instead of thinking about their sexual experiences, I can think about how it doesn't matter because look at what I've done. It is way worse than what I have to think about. I've gotten them back. Yep, as sick as it sounds, cheating makes me feel better. Say the guy ends up breaking my heart? Or cheating on me? Well guess what he gets to find out about... I am ready to be brutally destroyed by all of you. Come at me. This is just how my mind works. I need a psychologist.
annee Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 ... I am ready to be brutally destroyed by all of you. Come at me. This is just how my mind works. I need a psychologist. Honey the last thing you will get from me is destruction cos i think you are suffering big time. You are so scared of being abandoned for someone else you are laying down the ground work for when it happens. Its like some kind of insurance. Yes its thrilling in the short trem but you just feel s**t bout yourself in the long run. I agree you do need a psychologist. And do it quick before you totally ruin yourself. Good luck
Bryanp Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 How would you feel if your boyfriends were doing to you what you are doing to them?
lorr Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 IMHO I believe that you are too immature to handle any sort of relationship at this present moment. You obviously have some deep issues that you need to work out on your own time, and it would not be fair to drag any guy into your problems. You need to realise that any guy that you go out with will inevitably have a sexual past, unless you want to go out with 10 year boys. Rather than spending time playing these silly games, try spending time working on your self-esteem because its obviously pretty low.
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 You really need to get a grip and go to therapy. Cheating to make yourself feel better because of your boyfriends past, his previous girlfriends...That is no justification to you choosing to cheat. What you have to remember is, everybody has a past and it's the past, either from relationships, and life experiences is what makes someone BE who they are TODAY. No need to go into details about sex lives, that info is best left quiet, but you shoouldn't feel threatened or jealous of what he did before you came into his life. Therapy will help you learn how to cope better, gain self confidence and let go of your jealousy's and insecurities. If you don't deal with your own issues, you won't ever be happy!
Mythical Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I don't really have anything nice to say, but hopefully you learn soon, before you hurt too many poeple and get STD's. Just get help, fix your insecurities and hopefully you will mature.
samsungxoxo Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 It seems that not only do you need to work on your self-esteem and insecurity issues but also that you're not ready for a commited relationship. You have to remember that almost all relationships have past, unless you were dating a vigin that is (like with my b/f's case, while he had experience, I was a virgin). Also, all relationships will have discussions/arguments, that's part of it, it's about understanding one another and accepting their past (or lack of it). If you need to degrade yourself further more, do break up with your current b/fs and get yourself sex therapy ASAP.
megnog Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 I feel for you guest, because in some ways this is how I feel. Although I don't go out and cheat, if I do something that I shouldn't be doing, even talking to another guy on that level, I feel better about ...I don't know, some stupid argument my boyfriend and I got into a week prior, or.. the fact that he says he sleeps all day when I can't get ahold of him. Stupid stuff that I need to face reality with and either trust him or get out. I feel stupid for trying to pull some kind of advice out of my ass for you because, like I said, I feel I am close to your level. I would suggest therapy, I need some of that for myself. I can't tell you if it will make you feel better or stop what you are doing because I haven't seen what it can do for me yet. It bothers me that my boyfriend has slept with more women than I have slept with men. But its not something that he deserves me to cheat on him for. I try to remind myself that he didn't know me when he was dating and sleeping with all these women. He met me and he is happy and he wants me and no one else. It might take practice, but if you continue to tell yourself that maybe you will be less likely to want to get back at them secretly. Also, this has to do with respect. I feel like I respect my guy but then I do some ****ty things like I mentioned above and it makes me wonder if I do respect him. Why would I do that to him? Even if he never has to know about it, if I respected him this wouldn't be happening? But then again, it could always come back to the fact that I don't respect myself. Which you may not either. Perhaps this is all a bunch of garbage and a waste of time. But I guess its good to know I'm not the only one losing my mind. You are worse than me. But maybe you could get better if you wanted to
precious99 Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Hi guest....I can relate to your situation - not on exactly the same level but I have the same insecurites, self doubt and the same lack of self esteem that you talk about. I mean, I haven't cheated or even thought about it seriously but I do suffer from retroactive jealousy (and I have in turn gone out of my way to make him jealous) - which in my case is weird because I have more sexual experience than my BF. My problems stem from the fact that his "experience" has been with people we still see on a regular basis and his last relationship ended because she broke up with him - so in my warped mind I can't help but think that if he had it his way he would still be with her. So I do understand to some extent. These are still raw emotions for me and I can not claim to have it all figured out but I have found some things that make it easier for me to deal with it all....when I start to feel insecure I tell him how I'm feeling - at first this was embarrassing but it's better than the fight we would have if I kept it all bottled up inside. Also, I have done things to make me feel better about me - like joining an exercise class, dressing up just for fun and surrounding myself with more positive people. Also, when those thoughts come to mind I try to counter every negative one with a positive. I'm still a work in progress just like you but you have to see the potential in yourself. You are not messed up in the head and there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help - that's what they are there for....hey if my attempts fail I may be there right along with you. I may never love me but I am pretty sure that I will one day be able to say and believe that I like me - all of me.
Guest Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 lets get things straight. IN NO WAY DO I NEED SEX THERAPY! you completely misunderstood my post! i do not usually have sex when i cheat, it can be just kissing. that is cheating. or going on a date. cheating as well. like i said, it really is ALL about my boyfriend. when i get upset i just need to get it out of my head. so no, in no way am i addicted to sex and that is not what i need therapy for.
Salicious Crumb Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 just when i thought I have heard a story from a woman that I thought was the most worthless wench on the planet.....then I hear this....
Rooster_DAR Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 lets get things straight. IN NO WAY DO I NEED SEX THERAPY! you completely misunderstood my post! i do not usually have sex when i cheat, it can be just kissing. that is cheating. or going on a date. cheating as well. like i said, it really is ALL about my boyfriend. when i get upset i just need to get it out of my head. so no, in no way am i addicted to sex and that is not what i need therapy for. How about anger management classes?
Walk Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 lets get things straight. IN NO WAY DO I NEED SEX THERAPY! you completely misunderstood my post! i do not usually have sex when i cheat, it can be just kissing. that is cheating. or going on a date. cheating as well. like i said, it really is ALL about my boyfriend. when i get upset i just need to get it out of my head. so no, in no way am i addicted to sex and that is not what i need therapy for. Out of all the well thought out replies on your thread, you only answer hers? Why? You're in denial. Bet there's a ton of alcoholics out there proclaiming they only drink to "relax". They use it as a crutch to escape from pain, stress, issues they don't want to confront. You're using kissing, petting, etc as a way to avoid dealing with the situation. You are addicted. Or else you could stop doing it. You pretend that you can, yet you're still doing it. Even though you feel it's wrong... you're still doing it. Anyway... you feel you have to do this because you have extremely low self-esteem. You feel hurt by things that have nothign to do with you because you believe everything is a slight against you. The healthier your self-esteem gets, the more you'll be able to recognize when issues arise that aren't a reflection of who you are as a person. The number of partners a person has in the past has absolutely nothign to do with who you are, or how valuable you are as a person. But you can't stop assuming that everything is intended to be a way to measure you as less, or show how deficient you are. That's your self-esteem talking. Either start researching how to increase your self-esteem and self-worth, or see a counselor who can help you with this. If you do nothing... you'll hate your life for years to come. And it'll take hitting the extreme bottom before you realize you truly screwed up your life. Don't wait that long.. do something about it now. Good luck.
Salicious Crumb Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I agree you do need a psychologist. And do it quick before you totally ruin yourself. Good luck Or more importantly, before she hurts too many other people.
Kinger25 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I think you are brave to actually admit what you are doing. The fact that you are aware of WHY you do it speaks volumes, but in the same respect I am not sure that you do actually know why you do it. You say it's because you want to have "one-up" on your BF but I am not convinced that this is the real reason. I think as Walk said, you have big insecurity issues and although I can understand your reasoning, I cannot condone your action. As another poster said, you do need to grow up a bit. I would suggest ending your relationship with your BF for the moment and working on making youself happy in your own skin, because at the moment, from what you have said, I think you are far from even accepting of yourself, let alone happy with yourself. Any person, Man or Woman would feel some kind of self shame if they were doing what you are doing. That is, any DECENT man or woman would. The fact that you have posted on here says to me that you do feel a little bit ashamed and I really hope that you take the advice of some of the other posters and try and work on maturing as a person. Good Luck
LaughMachine Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 oh sounds like a big problem you got. A guy will naturally think someone is pretty, It's instict. A person will have a past and I think you are allowing your self to get overly obssessed with these guys to where you are making your self go crazy. If you got a new friend, would you be mad if she had other friends in the past...Would you be mad if she thought other people were cool? Do you go backstab her after that. Sounds like a big insecurity issue and It' is very ugly.....You might be taking away all the pain of those thoughts by making a uglier mess...but making an uglier mess to get back is only hurting you and will only mess up your life.....That is a weird problem and I suggest you get some counseling....I know some people who have that problem but instead of cheating they lie...I think we all can be like that but forcing your self to get drunk and have sex with random guys is not getting back at them....Your hurting your self...
LaughMachine Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I think you are brave to actually admit what you are doing. The fact that you are aware of WHY you do it speaks volumes, but in the same respect I am not sure that you do actually know why you do it. You say it's because you want to have "one-up" on your BF but I am not convinced that this is the real reason. I think as Walk said, you have big insecurity issues and although I can understand your reasoning, I cannot condone your action. As another poster said, you do need to grow up a bit. I would suggest ending your relationship with your BF for the moment and working on making youself happy in your own skin, because at the moment, from what you have said, I think you are far from even accepting of yourself, let alone happy with yourself. Any person, Man or Woman would feel some kind of self shame if they were doing what you are doing. That is, any DECENT man or woman would. The fact that you have posted on here says to me that you do feel a little bit ashamed and I really hope that you take the advice of some of the other posters and try and work on maturing as a person. Good Luck Your smart for a blonde, I'm jk just joking about the sterotype threads. I agree with your post alot! I think some users post as guest instead of becoming a user because of shame. This is a very cumpulsive, amoral sick trait and will only ruin her life and her relationships.
riobikini Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Guest: " I need a psychologist." Now take your own advice. Seriously. -Rio
Flyin in Clouds Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Wow guest, my kind of woman.... well ok, my fantasy woman. Have you considered getting your guy into swinging? Or maybe the hotwife or cuckold lifestyles (look them up on wiki or google them if you don't know what they are). There are guys out there, weird as it may seem to vanilla people, that would love to have a women like you to abuse them. Seriously... you just have to find the right guy to play with. But if you don't want to play in those alternative lifestyles then you need to get some serious help. good luck....
pricillia Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 ... and im way messed up in the head. I have cheated on both of my very serious boyfriends A LOT, 2 yrs each. Both are extremely loyal. I hate thinking about my boyfriends' past relationships. I hate hearing any slips from them or their friends about any sex or girlfriends they've had. I hate hearing if they even think anyone else is pretty. I will ask them a zillion questions about it. These thoughts torture me constantly. Yet I still don't feel better. The thing that helps me is cheating. Yup, it has nothing to do with attraction or attention from other people. Everytime something bothers me, (say my boyfriend has slept with more people than I have) I will cheat until I catch up. I will cheat if something's bothering me until I feel better. I get extremely intoxicated so that I can feel comfortable getting with strangers. I'm not always talking sex. Maybe just kissing. It gives me the upper hand. Now, instead of thinking about their sexual experiences, I can think about how it doesn't matter because look at what I've done. It is way worse than what I have to think about. I've gotten them back. Yep, as sick as it sounds, cheating makes me feel better. Say the guy ends up breaking my heart? Or cheating on me? Well guess what he gets to find out about... I am ready to be brutally destroyed by all of you. Come at me. This is just how my mind works. I need a psychologist. Well Guest, you seem very compettitive, maybe you should join a club or a sport... And I personally think that your are trying to get attention from people... You want to be admired, and tease..kissing random strangers is one sure way to get yourself into trouble... I would be carefull if I were you, sex and intamacy is not a game. Be well warned!!!
Sevenmack Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Guest sounds like a tramp, plain and simple. Forget about therapy: Your problem is that you are about as mature as a six-year-old. And that comparison is actually insulting to six-year-olds; they handle themselves more maturely and treat their loved ones with greater respect than you apparently do. The first thing you need to do is end your current relationship. You're not going to stop cheating on him and he will never have your respect. The second thing you need to do is get real: As many have said previously, you need to accept the fact that every lover in your life will have a past; future lovers, after all, will definitely have to accept your past lack of maturity and fidelity. And finally, just stop it. You will always be attractedto other people, but that doesn't mean you have to kiss them and f--k them. If you can't do any of this, feel free to quarantine yourself from the rest of humanity. The rest of us can then be saved from your nasty behavior.
Madeamistake Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 just when i thought I have heard a story from a woman that I thought was the most worthless wench on the planet.....then I hear this.... LOL!
Madeamistake Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 How about anger management classes? ROFL! :lmao: Come on Guest. You must be kidding. You have insecurities that make you go cheating on you partners multiple times. You are corrupted by a cheating trojan! Go get an antivirus from your local psychologist! How old are you may I ask? (15yrs I suppose)
PussInHeels Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 It sounds like you might have some attachment concerns, and your self-esteem isn't exactly at its peak. Until you get yourself in order, it's probably best not to be in a relationship at all. You are intentionally doing something that can hurt people, and that's not right. If you can't commit yourself to anyone because you're concerned about his past, then you need to involve yourself with men who don't require your commitment. If you build up your self-confidence and spend some time outside of relationships, maybe you can get over whatever it is you're feeling.
Davis Posted January 26, 2007 Posted January 26, 2007 What a great thread! Everyone that posted really gave me some insight into my ex ho. Thanks!
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