well i did it....

[Lostgurl]

it's actually a night out with a male friend who just broke up with his gf, after finding out his gf is having an affair with another guy and he actually flew 9 hours to propose to her..... sh*t like this happens every day.

 

i wonder what the chances are for a single guy to approach me, seeing that i will be accompanied by another guy?

 

I guess that you just have to politely make it known that you two are just friends, and are out to have fun .

 

Good luck

[cbl]

Your recently ex-MM sounds like mine.....my question is, is why does the W stay with such a man...in my situation the whole family is trying to control me...!

 

seeing that you asked question in another thread about BW staying in the marriage, thought that i can post some more thoughts here.

 

i kept asking myself these days why i am here, as i had ended the affair by kicking xMM out of my place and sent him and the W an email. i should have done with the whole thing, but i wasn't. i figured i was actually looking for a closure.... some of the OW here are looking for supports, some are venting, some might have sent the link to the MM hoping they would read the posts and understand how much OW have suffered, and some are just like me, looking for closure in one way or another... as we are the one who have to fight alone after the affairs ends, without MM by our sides, and having a lot of confusions and questions to ask.

 

i am no saint. i understand "morally" people would question why i get involved with an MM in the first place. people would also challenge me why some of us fight with another woman just for a guy who would cheat in his marriage and break his own vows. i can't explain all these. and i don't have answers. i am just a human being. i have emotions. i need someone who can hold me in the middle of the night.... when i feel lonely. i want someone who can give me something to look forward to - doing this and that together in the future. i need a person who can tell me everything's going to be ok when i am weak. and he happened to be there when i needed it. and he happened to be married to another woman. and yes i am competitive. i did not want him to treat me less than any other single guys would have treated me. i refused to take anything less than he can offer to the person he's married to. because i am competitive. because i am jealous.

 

now i ended it but i still have anger in me. why? because she (the wife) thought that i am just a woman who would be willing to offer sex to her husband when he's here and needs it. she prentended to be a strange girl and called me a f***ing wh**e. she thought that we did nothing but having sex. what she doesn't know, is that..... we had more than just fantastic sex life. we talked about history. we discussed about politics. we talked about his children. i graduated from the same school where she attended her son's graduation. we made a two-day trip together, in the second month of our relationship, to where he brought her to. we went to the bookstores together. we went to the coffee shop on the coastline, for countless times. we always held our hands walking on the streets and we kissed each other in the restaurant. she doesn't know that we planned to buy the rings together and he even offered to wear the ring for me (he doesn't even wear his wedding ring). she doesn't know that we were planning another 4 day trip after he comes back from his home leave this time. and she doesn't know, even when she was here, her husband would get up early in the morning, told her that he was out for exercise, but just to come to my place and see me for 3 hours. she doesn't know even during his home leave, he would sneak out and call me at least 3 times every day, making sure his "baby love" was still his. and no, she doesn't know, that her husband said that she doesn't excite him anymore since he met with me. she doesn't know i am 5'6 and a size 4. she doesn't know i don't cry the way she does when she's with her husband, asking him "if this is the restaurant where you bring your gf to" while her husband has been tired of her sob-sob attitude all these days.

 

i have been expecting... that she would send me back an email and ask me things that she doesn't know. so i can calmly tell her what has happened between us... and it's more than just sex. but she doesn't. she doesn't because she said she wanted to stay in the marriage until the day she dies. she doesn't need to know. or she doesn't want to know. she would probably prefer to see me as a girl who can give her husband nothing but sex... like she said in her first email to me. OR, maybe MM told her that he was just using me for sex, and NOTHING ELSE has happened. i would not be surprised if that's what he said to her about me... so he did not have to answer all these questions about which restaurant we went together, how good or bad i am in bed, how many places we had been to together and how many things that we shared and did together in which she was not part of.

 

but why would she stay? i honestly don't know. fear of the uncertainty in the future if being left alone? could be. fear of having to fight everything by herself, moving away, and starting from scratch in a place where no one knows her? maybe. or simply lack of information to make a decision? well, very possible.

 

although there are quite a few things that i don't know, but what i do know is that.... i did not want to be her. i won't be happy if i were her. i don't want to be with xMM, married to him, fearing someday he would get me STDs or tell me that he has a baby with someone else, or someone would call me out of blue and tell me she's the gf. i don't want to be having to discuss with him whether i can buy the gucci bag that i really like. i don't want to call him every day and ask him if he's with another girl in our bed. i don't want him coming back to me after exercise and smell the perfume from another girl on him. i don't want to have an emotional breakdown once in a while.... no matter how happy we were when we were together.

 

and i also know, she doesn't want to be me. she doesn't want to have to work to be financially independent. she doesn't wnat to have to pay for the mortgage. she doesn't want to be alone in the middle of the night. she wants to be with her husband whenever he's home (and i mean 24 hours a day) she wants to be together with the whole family, watching kids getting married and having grand children. and she wants to have fantastic sex with her husband. she doesn't want to be me.

 

lastly, and most importantly, i know, for sure, i am happy being ME.

 

now it doesn't matter to me, whether she knows or not know who i am, or what i do. and it doesn't matter either, why she wants to stay in her marriage. i would make different decisions if i were her. but i am not her. and i like being me. because i am me.

 

by writing this, i think i have found my closure. and i hope you will soon find yours.... if you are seeking one.

 

best of luck to all OWs and former OWs on this board.

[movinon05]

i used to ask myself the same questions. but your anger will subside. you are already feeling the indifference and that is what will get you through.

[Romeo Must Die]

What do I think will happen next? Nothing. You will move on and find somebody good for you and you will be happy again if you focus on the big picture. You do not want to be in between these two now, or ever again. It's just going to bring you down. I agree start hunting for SG's. Let down your defenses (be self-defensive but without being de-fensive) and just *will* yourself to make it happen. Smile at people you don't know. Say "hi" to strangers on the street even if you don't know them. LOL. Talk to people in line with you at the store. Have a couple business cards in your coat pocket so a good "potential" doesn't get away. Use new current business cards, not ones with scratched off hand written updates. Print your own cards with your private cell phone number for your own seperate use. You have to make yourself available. Remember. If anyone says they are married, seperated, or whatever (grey area) they are in between, treat them as though they were vampires. Scream and run away!!!

 

[Romeo Must Die]

she doesn't know even during his home leave, he would sneak out and call me at least 3 times every day, making sure his "baby love" was still his. and no, she doesn't know, that her husband said that she doesn't excite him anymore since he met with me. she doesn't know i am 5'6 and a size 4. she doesn't know i don't cry the way she does when she's with her husband, asking him "if this is the restaurant where you bring your gf to" while her husband has been tired of her sob-sob attitude all these days.

 

but why would she stay?

 

Married men say alot of things to demonize BS and poison BS in your minds for sympathy and it's humiliating when your partner is talking about you badly behind your back. Talking about your sex life when you are at your most exposed and vulnerable. IMO, any guy who would have the nerve to put down his girl in the presence of another woman is an utter piece of sh*it as far as I'm concerned. That is an intimate thing and should be kept private. It's nobody elses business. Stop thinking about what two other people are doing in bed together. I don't want to hear what you think MM and BW are doing together. You cant run her sex life by remote control.

 

Either way, MM cheats on BW. So, what does that make him? A good person? LOL

 

Imagine instead her believing a lie she was told repeatedly and is now figuring out that WS wasnt where he said he was, and in putting the pieces together she realizes that nothing was ever as it seemed. When she asks him about that restaurant he SHOULD tell her the truth. She deserves the truth from her husband. It doesnt make her a bad person. He has to right the wrong. He has to stop lying. He can't keep living two different lives.

 

It may even occur to you that he is lying to you as well and then you would understand a little bit what the wife has been feeling all this time.

 

Sighs... Betrayed.

 

[cbl]

i used to ask myself the same questions. but your anger will subside. you are already feeling the indifference and that is what will get you through.

 

i guess so. i keep myself busy with other things. meeting up with friends and family and spending more time at work. maybe i wasn't that much in love with him..... but things are easier than i thought.

[cbl]

What do I think will happen next? Nothing. You will move on and find somebody good for you and you will be happy again if you focus on the big picture. You do not want to be in between these two now, or ever again. It's just going to bring you down. I agree start hunting for SG's. Let down your defenses (be self-defensive but without being de-fensive) and just *will* yourself to make it happen. Smile at people you don't know. Say "hi" to strangers on the street even if you don't know them. LOL. Talk to people in line with you at the store. Have a couple business cards in your coat pocket so a good "potential" doesn't get away. Use new current business cards, not ones with scratched off hand written updates. Print your own cards with your private cell phone number for your own seperate use. You have to make yourself available. Remember. If anyone says they are married, seperated, or whatever (grey area) they are in between, treat them as though they were vampires. Scream and run away!!!

 

 

 

I'll make sure I scream loud enough so all the females in the neighborhood know the vampures are around

[cbl]

Married men say alot of things to demonize BS and poison BS in your minds for sympathy and it's humiliating when your partner is talking about you badly behind your back. Talking about your sex life when you are at your most exposed and vulnerable. IMO, any guy who would have the nerve to put down his girl in the presence of another woman is an utter piece of sh*it as far as I'm concerned. That is an intimate thing and should be kept private. It's nobody elses business. Stop thinking about what two other people are doing in bed together. I don't want to hear what you think MM and BW are doing together. You cant run her sex life by remote control.

 

 

I wouldn't be surprised if xMM told the W that i am not attractive at all and that he was only with me because he has the needs.... because a lot of MM lie to get what they want.... it's all about manipulation. And I refused to be brainwashed. But no, he doesn't tell me what his sex life is like with his wife. He said that only because they had two kids together and I never have kids... and I know it's unfair when he said it.

 

Imagine instead her believing a lie she was told repeatedly and is now figuring out that WS wasnt where he said he was, and in putting the pieces together she realizes that nothing was ever as it seemed. When she asks him about that restaurant he SHOULD tell her the truth. She deserves the truth from her husband. It doesnt make her a bad person. He has to right the wrong. He has to stop lying. He can't keep living two different lives.

 

It may even occur to you that he is lying to you as well and then you would understand a little bit what the wife has been feeling all this time.

 

Sighs... Betrayed.

 

Yes he could be lying to me in some cases... so he wouldn't hurt my feelings. Most of the time he tended to be very honest to me, especially his relationships with his W since we made it clear in the beginning "i don't divorce my W" "you please don't divorce your W and I will not marry you in the future"

 

The W has her right to know the truth. I understand she had gone through a lot and I can imagine how hurt she was when she tried to find out the truth. I did not mean she's a bad person when she wants to find things out, and I did not mean to offend anyone in anyways. I simply hope that instead of making herself miserable, wondering whether he's been there with me or other girls, maybe she can enjoy a good meal with her H, and finding out the truth through other means (if she DOES want to know) knowing that her H will never tell her the truth.... and plus in my case, she has already accused me of doing things that i haven't done before so I guess whether anything is true or not, doesn't really matter to her anyway.

[whichwayisup]

The W has her right to know the truth.

 

But not from you.

 

Wash your hands of this situation and move on. What goes on in their life isn't your business now, especially if your A with him is over.

 

Best revenge is you living life happily.

[Romeo Must Die]

Yeah but sometimes we want to nurture the wounded and be that person for them, be everything for them, but MM is only going to do whats best for him, and that's not necessarily whats going to best for you too, or even whats in best interests of the BW either for that matter.

 

It's too bad we arent italian. You could just hire The Sopranos and have him hung him from his fuzzy balls and beat him like a birthday pinata until the truth comes out. lol. Thats about what it takes to get a full and honest disclosure these days. I just wanted to tell you the BW always senses bull****, but we are almost always deliberately misled and they will use our hearts and our kids to hurt us, because thats the only way a man can really hurt a woman.

 

Anyway I wasn't judging you. I only speak out of frustration where the WS/MM is concerned. My FWS demonized me and downplayed the OW. During the affair he could live as a husband by day and a lover by night forever until the end of time. I (on the other hand) could not. He even told her we had an open marriage, omfg, and nobody I know does that. He is so nasty! I never knew how really gross he could be until I found that out. lol. Where I come from thats weird, open marriage my foot, and doesnt even sound even halfway true. Why would the OW even want to believe that? I don't know. I have no idea.

 

[Freedom Now]

Open marriage? OMG! I am like you Romeo. That is just unbelievable that someone would even WANT to believe that.

 

Being on the other side of the coin, when he admitted that he slept with his wife when she found out about me, I fell down to my knees in pain.

 

Nope. I don't play that game. If you love me, you love ME and no one else. And you want to touch and be with ME and no one else. Yeah, I was a crappy OW....just can't play that game....

 

And he contacted me again, after months, to see if I would travel with him "one last time..." Yeah, sure. Sign me up.

 

Not.

 

Yuck. Makes me want to take another shower....

[Romeo Must Die]

Thats what the OW told me. He even described me as a blow up doll. He said I just laid there and let him do his thing. Like it was doing him a favor. I was in my last trimester. Of course I just laid there, you dummy. My belly out to here, lol, whaddaya want from me. Le Cirque d' Solei? And why was this complete stranger coming off on me like she knew me. "Ha Ha. Your husband was with me last night go ask him" Okay. Now I'm freaked out.

 

LOL, I AM NEVER TAKING A SHOWER ALONE AGAIN!!!

 

 

[Freedom Now]

WHAT A B*TCH.

 

How dare her say that to you?

 

That OW of yours is seriously getting on my last nerve. Man, Romeo, you have style and strength.

 

I consider myself to be quite classy, but I don't know....if I were you, I probably would have pummelled her.

 

And enjoyed it.

 

[NoIDidn't]

Thats what the OW told me. He even described me as a blow up doll. He said I just laid there and let him do his thing. Like it was doing him a favor. I was in my last trimester. Of course I just laid there, you dummy. My belly out to here, lol, whaddaya want from me. Le Cirque d' Solei? And why was this complete stranger coming off on me like she knew me. "Ha Ha. Your husband was with me last night go ask him" Okay. Now I'm freaked out.

 

LOL, I AM NEVER TAKING A SHOWER ALONE AGAIN!!!

 

 

 

 

RMD, I'll hold her down so you can pummel her. But you gotta hold the girl my H "talked" to, too. She told me, "I don't know your side". Of course she didn't know "my side", she was receiving second hand information from someone who THOUGHT he was in love with her.

 

I should tell that story one day. I will for a select few via PM.

 

But alas, she was just a child. Only 23. She had no idea of what she was getting herself into (at least in attempting to draw me out, not possible - I am the Queen of the Clenched Teeth LOL!!!).

[Romeo Must Die]

She said it because Romeo said it. How he could be so crude. I just dont even know if there really is a legitimate answer for that. He was heartless but, Geez Louie. Some people dey just talk too much. People like dat dey should be shot in da fookin head in front of their kids, bad-a-bing bada BANG.

 

*blows smoke off her 45's*

 

[Freedom Now]

I tell you....when I was pregnant (and I have five kids), in my last trimesters I didn't even want him to TOUCH me.

 

Romeo was lucky that you even slept with him. My husband: he was SOL.

 

[cbl]

But not from you.

 

Wash your hands of this situation and move on. What goes on in their life isn't your business now, especially if your A with him is over.

 

Best revenge is you living life happily.

 

no i did not tell her. and she never really caught us. she made a big scene out of nothing and accused me of calling her and taking her stuff from their house (which i never did) and in fact the only thing that she knew is my name and my phone number. i simply emailed them both that i am out of the picture and they should work on their marriage.

 

i was responding to RMD's post and i agreed that she needs the truth from her husband.

 

unless she sent me back the crazy girl.... then i would have to do something about it. now i need nothing but peace of mind.

 

cheers.

[cbl]

Yeah but sometimes we want to nurture the wounded and be that person for them, be everything for them, but MM is only going to do whats best for him, and that's not necessarily whats going to best for you too, or even whats in best interests of the BW either for that matter.

 

I believe everyone has to love himself/herself more. especially in our situations, whether being OWs or BWs.

 

It's too bad we arent italian. You could just hire The Sopranos and have him hung him from his fuzzy balls and beat him like a birthday pinata until the truth comes out. lol. Thats about what it takes to get a full and honest disclosure these days. I just wanted to tell you the BW always senses bull****, but we are almost always deliberately misled and they will use our hearts and our kids to hurt us, because thats the only way a man can really hurt a woman.

 

In my case the W deliberately used the kids to hurt the MM. I know he's been a very devoted father but a unfaithful husband doesn't equal to a bad father. She "had" or "pretended" to be a strange girl and sent emails to the kids and told them their father was having an affair... if my any of my parents were having an affair I'd rather hear it from one of them. not some stranger who cursed all throughout her email.

 

And even though I do not have kids, I know how much that hurt. I feel for you.

 

Anyway I wasn't judging you. I only speak out of frustration where the WS/MM is concerned. My FWS demonized me and downplayed the OW. During the affair he could live as a husband by day and a lover by night forever until the end of time. I (on the other hand) could not. He even told her we had an open marriage, omfg, and nobody I know does that. He is so nasty! I never knew how really gross he could be until I found that out. lol. Where I come from thats weird, open marriage my foot, and doesnt even sound even halfway true. Why would the OW even want to believe that? I don't know. I have no idea.

 

 

I know where you are coming from and I hope your pain will go away soon. She believes you two had an open marriage only because she's not you and you two have different values and perceptions in life. I know I am not helping by saying this. But I hope someday what she believes or not believe will not bother you anymore.

[Seen_It_All]

we had such an agreement that he can have other girls that he wants in other cities (except at where i live) since he has his needs as he flies away, as long as he practices safe sex..

 

LOL .. 'he has his needs as he flies away.' Poor deprived loser. Sounds like this pig lets his dick guide him around. What a stand-up guy.

 

but last night we had this argument about a promise that he made a couple of weeks back which he couldn't do and wanted to come back and negotiated again.

 

Why, I'm shocked. Someone of SUCH character and high moral fiber is backing out of a promise? That's crazy talk. Are you sure???

 

(MM is a repeat offender and "i was told" that she knows about it)

 

I wouldn't believe this scumbag if he told me the sun were shining. I'd have to look out the window MYSELF to confirm it. This loser is of the LOWEST moral fiber and character. You don't believe a thing he says and if you're smart, you wouldn't let this rutting pig touch you for fear of the STDs he's probably accumulated what with letting his dick do his thinking for him. His wife is LUCKY she's in another country. Poor thing would be having STD screenings once a month if she were living here.

 

so i was wondering, if anyone here can shed me some light, as to what will possibly be happening next?

 

Probably nothing. This pig will continue to screw everything that walks while lying his loser mouth off to his wife every chance he gets. Status quo. Why is this parasite even married? What's the point?

 

in the past i had been annoyed by this strange girl who sent me emails to my personal email account, calling me every name in the book

 

It's no doubt one of Mr. Wonderful's MANY, MANY playthings who has probably caught wind of the fact that he's got another girlfriend (you). Little does she know the pig has MANY little squeezes spread out around the country. Bet he thinks he's quite the stud, doesn't he?

 

Pigs like me this make me wretch.

[cbl]

what are your issues behind your bitterness and sarcasm?

 

 

LOL .. 'he has his needs as he flies away.' Poor deprived loser. Sounds like this pig lets his dick guide him around. What a stand-up guy.

 

 

 

Why, I'm shocked. Someone of SUCH character and high moral fiber is backing out of a promise? That's crazy talk. Are you sure???

 

 

 

I wouldn't believe this scumbag if he told me the sun were shining. I'd have to look out the window MYSELF to confirm it. This loser is of the LOWEST moral fiber and character. You don't believe a thing he says and if you're smart, you wouldn't let this rutting pig touch you for fear of the STDs he's probably accumulated what with letting his dick do his thinking for him. His wife is LUCKY she's in another country. Poor thing would be having STD screenings once a month if she were living here.

 

 

 

Probably nothing. This pig will continue to screw everything that walks while lying his loser mouth off to his wife every chance he gets. Status quo. Why is this parasite even married? What's the point?

 

 

 

It's no doubt one of Mr. Wonderful's MANY, MANY playthings who has probably caught wind of the fact that he's got another girlfriend (you). Little does she know the pig has MANY little squeezes spread out around the country. Bet he thinks he's quite the stud, doesn't he?

 

Pigs like me this make me wretch.

[cbl]

OK. I walked into the office at 1pm, a hour late. I found a post card from xMM which he sent on Jan 5 from Anchorage. It took 10 days to arrive. Just as expected. And now that I kicked him out from my place last Wednesday night. We haven't spoken since. Last thing I told him is that "if you contact me again, I am going to tell your wife"... after I wrote them both an email, that I am no longer in between them and they should work on their marriage.

 

I sat down on my desk. Get my cell out of my purse. And I found a missed call and a message from him. He called and since I did not answer so he text me. He said that he had to confess that he missed me terribly and he did not even recall why we fought. And he asked me if he can apologize (for whatever thing that he did not remember!!! ) He knew my routine. He knows that I start working at 12pm and he probably couldn't find me online so he called. And I knew he's probably doing this out of loneliness as he's been away for another long trip. And I also know, by the time he comes back here, he'll come find me at my place, or at work. I know it because it has repeated at least 5 times during the past 6 months.

 

What should I do? I hate to admit that I missed him. It's never easy getting over someone who you shared the moment with. I am not talking about the person who I am deeply in love with. But simply it takes some getting used to, to quit something. Or someone.

 

Should I contact his W like I said I would? Help.....