cbl Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 last night i was annoyed so i did it. i sent my MM to my door at 1030pm and he left. i had posted a little bit here and there about the relationship between me and my MM. we had such an agreement that he can have other girls that he wants in other cities (except at where i live) since he has his needs as he flies away, as long as he practices safe sex. we both wanted to have fun together but last night we had this argument about a promise that he made a couple of weeks back which he couldn't do and wanted to come back and negotiated again. i got mad and asked him to leave. in the past couple of weeks i was aware my MM and his wife were in some kind of fights so he spent most of his time with me when he was here without calling or trying to make contact with her (she's in another country) what happened next was that i sent an email to his wife, in response to her email to me the day before. i did not deny or admit anything she said i had been doing but simply told her that i think they both need to work hard to fix their issues and i am not the problem of their marriage but just a sympton of the problem (MM is a repeat offender and "i was told" that she knows about it) and i also told her that i knew she created this strange girl who sent emails to me and MM and the kids..... long story short, she suspected but she never caught us cheating on her (maybe she did not want to) and i wanted to tell her that we all hurt each other in a way and now i am out of the picture and they should work on their marriage. i did not write to her to hurt her. it happened a few times that while i asked my MM to leave me alone he never listened and kept asking me to go back to him. i thought that if his W knows what happens then both of them will leave me alone. so i was wondering, if anyone here can shed me some light, as to what will possibly be happening next? i don't want the W to have a emotional breakdown. and i don't want him to go after me. but i need to be mentally prepared to what will be the worst to come.... or if possible pre-empt it (yes i am in a way a control freak and i hate to admit that). in the past i had been annoyed by this strange girl who sent me emails to my personal email account, calling me every name in the book, and i hope i don't have to deal with anything worse in the future. but even if i do, i guess i deserve it. appreciate any insights.
Lostgurl Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 so i was wondering, if anyone here can shed me some light, as to what will possibly be happening next? i don't want the W to have a emotional breakdown. and i don't want him to go after me. but i need to be mentally prepared to what will be the worst to come.... or if possible pre-empt it (yes i am in a way a control freak and i hate to admit that). in the past i had been annoyed by this strange girl who sent me emails to my personal email account, calling me every name in the book, and i hope i don't have to deal with anything worse in the future. but even if i do, i guess i deserve it. appreciate any insights. If you are such a control freak, how on earth did you end up in a EMA? If i were you, i would change my number, email address and get out of that nasty situation for good. I'm sorry, i'm not TRYING to be rude here. Obviously you are concerned for other peoples feelings . IMO.... Never mind, you don't need to know what my opinion is. Just go out and find yourself a man that isn't attached to a family already. I can tell that you have compassion, you are worried about the W's feelings. How about cutting your losses and finding someone who is free to love you and only you?
magichands Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 If you are such a control freak, how on earth did you end up in a EMA? Have to agree. The "control" is entirely with MM.
Author cbl Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 If you are such a control freak, how on earth did you end up in a EMA? If i were you, i would change my number, email address and get out of that nasty situation for good. I'm sorry, i'm not TRYING to be rude here. Obviously you are concerned for other peoples feelings . IMO.... Never mind, you don't need to know what my opinion is. Just go out and find yourself a man that isn't attached to a family already. I can tell that you have compassion, you are worried about the W's feelings. How about cutting your losses and finding someone who is free to love you and only you? LOL thanks for your inputs i guess i was very naive in the beginning, and did not think much before i gave all my information to the MM. Now that he knows where i live, where i work, my office number, and all my mobile numbers. I changed one of the mobile numbers before just because his wife called me at that number from his cell. and i did not talk to her. MM told me that his W is on therapy and tried to over-doze to kill herself. i don't know if it's true but it's never my intention to hurt anyone. my nature of being controlling isn't going to get any better, considering at the age of 35 and getting older at any second, it will definitely get worse yes i have learned my lessons. quite a price i've paid.
Author cbl Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 Have to agree. The "control" is entirely with MM. yap..... that's why i failed in controlling the situation and put myself into this s**t..... and now i am looking for "damage control"
Lostgurl Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 LOL thanks for your inputs i guess i was very naive in the beginning, and did not think much before i gave all my information to the MM. Now that he knows where i live, where i work, my office number, and all my mobile numbers. I changed one of the mobile numbers before just because his wife called me at that number from his cell. and i did not talk to her. MM told me that his W is on therapy and tried to over-doze to kill herself. i don't know if it's true but it's never my intention to hurt anyone. my nature of being controlling isn't going to get any better, considering at the age of 35 and getting older at any second, it will definitely get worse yes i have learned my lessons. quite a price i've paid. So, you have learned from the prices that you've paid by this experience, that's a good thing . Well not GOOD LOL, but It's good to know that you've learned from your past mistakes. We all learn from our mistakes. I currently am on that road, i have never been involved with a MM, but am using what what i have learned from past my past relationship/marriage and am cultivating skills i have learned with my current, which i hope to be my forever only..... Do you think that you'll ever get involved with a married man again? Just curious is all.
Author cbl Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 Do you think that you'll ever get involved with a married man again? Just curious is all. Never say never Seriously, you can find MM flirting with ladies EVERY WHERE. A lot of affairs happen at work place; some of the OW here met with their MM in the bank, in the airport, coffee shop, bookstores, and I met mine at the hospital. To be honest I was with a MM 11 years ago and we were together for 6 years. No one was hurt (or I should say it's too long ago and people are forgetful) His W did not know. We had our time together. He was the boss of my boss and I was too young to deal with the situation. Afterwards I managed to get away in quite a few occasions when the bosses took a pass on me at workplace. I would not say that I will "never" be in the same situation again. There are people who become OW without them knowing it - simply because the MMs lie about their status. But I would say I have learned not to fall for a MM again when I am emotionally weak, knowing that they are married men with a family in the first place.
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 You are part of the problem in your own rollercoaster ride. If you don't want the MM to go after you and his wife to freak out and have a breakdown, then just TELL HIM GOODBYE DO NOT CALL/EMAIL/COME SEE ME ever again. And mean it, stick to it forever. This is the only way you will be able to go on without him. Leave the drama behind, heal and forget him. And if you EVER do fall for another MM, which I hope you don't allow yourself to, end it as soon as you find out he's married...But hopefully you've learned to read the redflags along the way so you won't be in another affair with a MM.
Lostgurl Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Never say never Seriously, you can find MM flirting with ladies EVERY WHERE. A lot of affairs happen at work place; some of the OW here met with their MM in the bank, in the airport, coffee shop, bookstores, and I met mine at the hospital. To be honest I was with a MM 11 years ago and we were together for 6 years. No one was hurt (or I should say it's too long ago and people are forgetful) His W did not know. We had our time together. He was the boss of my boss and I was too young to deal with the situation. Afterwards I managed to get away in quite a few occasions when the bosses took a pass on me at workplace. I would not say that I will "never" be in the same situation again. There are people who become OW without them knowing it - simply because the MMs lie about their status. But I would say I have learned not to fall for a MM again when I am emotionally weak, knowing that they are married men with a family in the first place. So you haven't learned completley then. All an EMA does is destroy lives. Steer clear of them. You should have some idea if you happen to meet another man that is married. The signs are pretty clear, even for people that have never had an EMA.
norajane Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 we had such an agreement that he can have other girls that he wants in other cities (except at where i live) since he has his needs as he flies away, as long as he practices safe sex. i also told her that i knew she created this strange girl who sent emails to me and MM and the kids..... If he was having affairs with other women in other cities while also seeing you, how do you know the 'strange girl' wasn't one of them? Why do you think it was his wife who 'created' her?
puddleofmud Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 If you truly wish to end this--no matter what he told you about his wife or what you have spoken with her about--does not matter. No do his other liaisons. You were and are NOT responsible for any other than your part which, as you have stated, has ENDED. Once you have ended your part then there is nothing "of you, about you" to be considered nor offered other than you going forward with your life. Best wishes to you!
Author cbl Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 You are part of the problem in your own rollercoaster ride. If you don't want the MM to go after you and his wife to freak out and have a breakdown, then just TELL HIM GOODBYE DO NOT CALL/EMAIL/COME SEE ME ever again. And mean it, stick to it forever. This is the only way you will be able to go on without him. Leave the drama behind, heal and forget him. And if you EVER do fall for another MM, which I hope you don't allow yourself to, end it as soon as you find out he's married...But hopefully you've learned to read the redflags along the way so you won't be in another affair with a MM. thank you and i'll keep your comments in mind. yes i don't deny that i should be responsible for this problem of my own emotional rollercoaster recently. i know where my problem is coming from and i am working on it. i kept on doing the reality check along the way, not wanting to get hurt due to jealousy, competitiveness issues (i am a woman and a human being after all, and that's the reason why i am here i did not sleep with my xMM just for the sake of sleeping with him) we broke up a few times and he promised me not to show up in my life again, but he would end up calling me at the office when i refused to take his calls at the mobile, showing up at my office (even though i told him NOT to come, and i had to leave the office just to avoid seeing him) and looking for me at my office area. i hope this time by me writing this email to him and his W, he knew that i meant it. now i know there's this board where i can find the support - either by silently reading the posts or writing about my own issues. i would constantly checking back this site in hope that i can prevent if from happening again.
Author cbl Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 So you haven't learned completley then. All an EMA does is destroy lives. Steer clear of them. You should have some idea if you happen to meet another man that is married. The signs are pretty clear, even for people that have never had an EMA. What I learned from this mistake is that when I am emotionally weak (and some other issues as well) I will reach out and ask for help. I would not allow another MM to walk into my life again under the same situation. MMs can lie, in a way that it's hard to find that they are married. If I ever fall into an MM without me knowing it and a redflag comes up somewhere along the way, then I can only imagine myself being hurt, being cheated like a BS, or any other attached person in a committed relationship. I know the competitive side in me will tell me "you have just as much right as a wife to ask what you want out of a committed relationship because you have been lied to" but in reality I know I will be in the same s**t again... well this is one of the issues I have (only it shows up in a different form) and I am working on it now One issue at a time. One step at a time. But I do appreciate your genuine comments. And I agree with your totally. I just have to work on it a bit more.
Author cbl Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 If he was having affairs with other women in other cities while also seeing you, how do you know the 'strange girl' wasn't one of them? Why do you think it was his wife who 'created' her? Thank you for asking this question. I have just realized I need to fill in a few details as I might have made myself looked like one of the few OW who had a hard time getting over the affairs and therefore attacked the BW. My xMM is an expatriate pilot stationed in my country for 3 years already. His wife is back in his home country but travels here for a couple of weeks on her way to visit their kids. Three years ago when he just arrived he was lonely and slept with a girl (A) for four times and he was later told by his W that someone took a picture of him and this girl (A) and she was blackmailed. xMM said he never saw the pictures. At the same time he had received an email from another girl (B) who claimed to be a friend of A and warned him to stay away from girl A as there are a group of girls in my country who had sex with foreigners and took pictures just to get money (ok, i do not believe this last part but this is another issue. and my xMM told me he never paid) Later on he changed his email address but he still received emails from this girl. Same name but different email address. She wrote him once in a while but mostly whenever he had something going on outside his marriage. He believed his computer was hacked by this girl. So my first couple of emails to him were deleted and never reached him. In that email there's my cell number. When he went back home for home leave, I sent him a text message, his W read it and dialed the number back to me. I didn't talk knowing it's her. A few days later I received first email from girl A, saying that I should have received the money at my bank here where I live. And thank me for destroying his family. I checked the IP and found out the email was from his home country, exactly the place where he lives. So I responded gently back and asked her who she is, and I know nothing about the money (it was by that time my xMM told me all about the stories) and I told her she's not at where I live by looking up her IP. He left his country 6 years ago and he told me he had no one right now there. For someone who's computer savvy enough to hack into a computer and doesnt know to make up the IP to make her appear to be "where I am".... strange enough. There were other nasty emails coming in and quite a few strange coincidence afterwards, such as my phone number showing on his W's phone and W said I called her with broken English and emails from girl A confirmed that I called her, which I never did. And even though English is not my first language but it's far from broken. xMM at the same day also received email from girl A telling him that it's easy for me to get his W phone number in his country, etc... strange stuff like that. And all those made me believe the wife is involved one way or another. I hope none of the W's close friends are here reading. I don't want to make this big and bothered all the readers here with these details.... but does it really matter? Maybe not.
pureinheart Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Your recently ex-MM sounds like mine.....my question is, is why does the W stay with such a man...in my situation the whole family is trying to control me... There are a lot of strange and demented people out there....keep yourself safe and get rid of all of them, they will try to control you, don't let them!
norajane Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 All I can say is this would be a GREAT time to change your email, change your cell, and stay away from this entire freakshow, MM, W, and girls A thru Z included.
Author cbl Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 If you truly wish to end this--no matter what he told you about his wife or what you have spoken with her about--does not matter. No do his other liaisons. You were and are NOT responsible for any other than your part which, as you have stated, has ENDED. Once you have ended your part then there is nothing "of you, about you" to be considered nor offered other than you going forward with your life. Best wishes to you! Thank you thank you! I was here a few weeks back for the first time when I somehow fell for my xMM so I needed strength to get myself out of the situation. Now I have it, and I ended it. I guess I am still here because I am in a way feeling guilty, and knowing that I have my own issues to deal with... I am working on it
Author cbl Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 Your recently ex-MM sounds like mine.....my question is, is why does the W stay with such a man...in my situation the whole family is trying to control me... There are a lot of strange and demented people out there....keep yourself safe and get rid of all of them, they will try to control you, don't let them! I remember your story. I hope by this time you are free from their harassment already. I never talked to the W so I don't know what she thinks. But I do discuss things with my xMM so I have my own observation for their case (and theirs only ). First of all it could be a cultural issue. They are from a country where women are more submissive to husbands and it's hard for the wife to divorce the husband. Set aside the cultural issue, as they have enough exposure to the western world and their kids are educated and studied in the US, my observation is that both of them are insecured in their relationship. W doesn't work (and she refuses to). Kids are grown ups away from them. The H is away. I think she needs drama to keep their marriage alive. xMM once in a while received email from this strange girl, saying that if "she were" the W, she would have affairs herself. Even in the past couple of weeks, the W refuses to come here or go visit the kids as she planned. xMM then came to me and did not speak with her. She came to me as a W for the first time, saying she knew we were still in contact and she will remain the W till the day she dies. xMM needs the ego boost when he feels that he "saves" his woman from the crisis; and W... i don't know. She might need me in her life so she can make her husband feel guilty and be more submissive to her. It's about control I guess. Everyone would have gone crazy in their case, considering how many affairs my xMM had since the beginning of their marriage. But again, it's just my observations of their case. Doesn't apply to all.
Author cbl Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 All I can say is this would be a GREAT time to change your email, change your cell, and stay away from this entire freakshow, MM, W, and girls A thru Z included. Thanks. pureinheart said the same thing too. I just hope xMM would leave me alone, since he's the only one who sees me and knows where I live and where I work
Lostgurl Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Thank you for asking this question. I have just realized I need to fill in a few details as I might have made myself looked like one of the few OW who had a hard time getting over the affairs and therefore attacked the BW. My xMM is an expatriate pilot stationed in my country for 3 years already. His wife is back in his home country but travels here for a couple of weeks on her way to visit their kids. Three years ago when he just arrived he was lonely and slept with a girl (A) for four times and he was later told by his W that someone took a picture of him and this girl (A) and she was blackmailed. xMM said he never saw the pictures. At the same time he had received an email from another girl (B) who claimed to be a friend of A and warned him to stay away from girl A as there are a group of girls in my country who had sex with foreigners and took pictures just to get money (ok, i do not believe this last part but this is another issue. and my xMM told me he never paid) Later on he changed his email address but he still received emails from this girl. Same name but different email address. She wrote him once in a while but mostly whenever he had something going on outside his marriage. He believed his computer was hacked by this girl. So my first couple of emails to him were deleted and never reached him. In that email there's my cell number. When he went back home for home leave, I sent him a text message, his W read it and dialed the number back to me. I didn't talk knowing it's her. A few days later I received first email from girl A, saying that I should have received the money at my bank here where I live. And thank me for destroying his family. I checked the IP and found out the email was from his home country, exactly the place where he lives. So I responded gently back and asked her who she is, and I know nothing about the money (it was by that time my xMM told me all about the stories) and I told her she's not at where I live by looking up her IP. He left his country 6 years ago and he told me he had no one right now there. For someone who's computer savvy enough to hack into a computer and doesnt know to make up the IP to make her appear to be "where I am".... strange enough. There were other nasty emails coming in and quite a few strange coincidence afterwards, such as my phone number showing on his W's phone and W said I called her with broken English and emails from girl A confirmed that I called her, which I never did. And even though English is not my first language but it's far from broken. xMM at the same day also received email from girl A telling him that it's easy for me to get his W phone number in his country, etc... strange stuff like that. And all those made me believe the wife is involved one way or another. I hope none of the W's close friends are here reading. I don't want to make this big and bothered all the readers here with these details.... but does it really matter? Maybe not. WOW cbl, this post pretty much tops all of the stories i've read. Sorry not trying to make you feel bad about your situation or anything but... ! I'm just happy to see that you are getting out of this MESS. I feel pretty bad for the wife, also. It makes me sad to know that if she actually decides to stay with this scumbag, then she's gonna be living in this drama for alot longer .
Author cbl Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 WOW cbl, this post pretty much tops all of the stories i've read. Sorry not trying to make you feel bad about your situation or anything but... ! I'm just happy to see that you are getting out of this MESS. I feel pretty bad for the wife, also. It makes me sad to know that if she actually decides to stay with this scumbag, then she's gonna be living in this drama for alot longer . I felt sad for the W, although I tried to pursude myself that she did have a choice and she chose to stay with her H then she will have to suffer unless both of them are willing to do something for a change. There were incidences when their grown-up kids were involved - nasty things that I prefer not to repeat here. Being a willing party in an affair it's hard to justify what I have done, not to mention to stand up and tell them to make it right. But I do see how a marriage can go wrong, and why a marriage can become meaningless.... actually I feel sad for them both. I am moving on with my life and I do hope they move on with theirs too... make it a healthier relationship I hope.
pureinheart Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 I remember your story. I hope by this time you are free from their harassment already. I never talked to the W so I don't know what she thinks. But I do discuss things with my xMM so I have my own observation for their case (and theirs only ). First of all it could be a cultural issue. They are from a country where women are more submissive to husbands and it's hard for the wife to divorce the husband. Set aside the cultural issue, as they have enough exposure to the western world and their kids are educated and studied in the US, my observation is that both of them are insecured in their relationship. W doesn't work (and she refuses to). Kids are grown ups away from them. The H is away. I think she needs drama to keep their marriage alive. xMM once in a while received email from this strange girl, saying that if "she were" the W, she would have affairs herself. Even in the past couple of weeks, the W refuses to come here or go visit the kids as she planned. xMM then came to me and did not speak with her. She came to me as a W for the first time, saying she knew we were still in contact and she will remain the W till the day she dies. xMM needs the ego boost when he feels that he "saves" his woman from the crisis; and W... i don't know. She might need me in her life so she can make her husband feel guilty and be more submissive to her. It's about control I guess. Everyone would have gone crazy in their case, considering how many affairs my xMM had since the beginning of their marriage. But again, it's just my observations of their case. Doesn't apply to all. LOL....your observations gave much clarity to my situation....you put clear wording to what has been in my mind and I have feebly tried to communicate in broken statements here and there. It is a game of control, a game of submission....I am really glad you are out of that....there are nice, single guys out there and one of them has your name on him and he will not be right until he finds you!!!!!!
Author cbl Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 there are nice, single guys out there and one of them has your name on him and he will not be right until he finds you!!!!!! you know what? once i was joking with my xMM and i told him that someday he will have his new girl and he won't even remember my name (as he did for some of his girls) and he said he wouldn't. the reason is that, i have the same english name as his W ok tonight i am going out hunting for my SINGLE guy
Lostgurl Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 ok tonight i am going out hunting for my SINGLE guy THAT is the best freaking thing i've heard all night! Wooohoooooooo!
Author cbl Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 THAT is the best freaking thing i've heard all night! Wooohoooooooo! it's actually a night out with a male friend who just broke up with his gf, after finding out his gf is having an affair with another guy and he actually flew 9 hours to propose to her..... sh*t like this happens every day. i wonder what the chances are for a single guy to approach me, seeing that i will be accompanied by another guy?
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