amaysngrace Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Oh yes...months ago I'm very proud of you. And I'm proud of you that you didn't cave to the BS's demands. It sounds like she's taking out all her anger on the wrong person here. You did do the right thing.
NoIDidn't Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 i didnt say everyone one here. But there are quite a few who I have a really hard time believing would talk the same way if they were face to face. Where do I fall in? You can PM me the answer. I've been avoiding this thread. LOL!!
pureinheart Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 LOL Bonehead....and thanks AG...Bonehead is soooo right.... The BW's and OW have more in common than they think...(these are just possibilities) the BW might feel less than because her H now has an emotional tie with someone else, there is much more to it than the betrayal itself. The OW can feel secondary and less than because they must adhere to the MM's schedule. It is very rare that the OW chased the MM...some of these individuals (MM) have been down this road before and they know exactly what to say and do. If the single or M lady is vulneralble in any way they can detect what that is and act accordingly. The case seems to be much different with the OM...we have heard from OM in this forum, and two have kept us updated concerning their situations....if you look at these two cases it is clear that most women detest "division" or being divided....thus we have the conflict of OW/BW. Also the cases with OM seem to be much more civil....maybe men deal with each other better and have a greater understanding in this area. I love my fellow Sisters, and admire how men handle difficult situations...we could all learn a lot from each other if we could just get those walls of insecurity down and keep them down.
frannie Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Also the cases with OM seem to be much more civil....maybe men deal with each other better and have a greater understanding in this area. Just to generalise wildly here. I think men are more likely to bow out of an emotional/relationship situation when they realise that the woman has (or hasn't) made a decision. Whether that's about respecting the other man involved, or respecting the woman's choice, I have no idea. But it's something that's obvious in most cases where two men are involved with one woman. When it's two women and one man, it's amost like he's considered to be a thing to be fought over. What about his decision? Who knows, who cares, seems to be the attitude... why is that? No respect for him..? No respect for the other woman? No respect for them/ourselves..? Again, I have no idea, but it's obvious that's the case from so many posts on here both OW and (I think especially, but I'm probably biased) BS.
Author bonehead Posted January 13, 2007 Author Posted January 13, 2007 When it's two women and one man, it's amost like he's considered to be a thing to be fought over And you know what people?!?!?!?!?! This plays right into his hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about an ego boost!!!! But in the process, the OP does come across as not caring about the damage that is being done to the marriage or family. When the truth is quite often 1) As far as the OP knows the marriage was already severly damaged. 2) The OP has been told that the BS is the one who damaged it. And the BS does come across as mean and controlling and vindictive becuase 1) they come across as stopping at nothing to save their marraige even though ( as far as the OP knows ) its already for the most part dead 2) They come across as not caring how the MP feels ( s/he doesnt care that the MP is in love and happy with someone else )
frannie Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 And you know what people?!?!?!?!?! This plays right into his hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha! You're right, bonehead, it certainly does. Maybe that's one reason why men don't do this... because it's self-defeating..? Makes sense. eta: I'm generalising again, of course.
NoIDidn't Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 And the BS does come across as mean and controlling and vindictive becuase 1) they come across as stopping at nothing to save their marraige even though ( as far as the OP knows ) its already for the most part dead 2) They come across as not caring how the MP feels ( s/he doesnt care that the MP is in love and happy with someone else ) I am having a hard time seeing either of these as bad things. As the person that's married to the guy who hasn't asked for and starting legally procuring a D (hypothetical situation mind you), these are both to be expected. 1. If I haven't been asked for a D or served with papers in a reasonable time and I don't want to get D'd, why should I stop at anything to save my M if that is what I want? 2. The BS cares about how the MP feels, but only concerning the M. The OP is not the concern of the M, unless the A is ongoing. Then its an issue. But who tries to save a M, when they KNOW an A is still going on? I think I'd be trying to save my sanity (if I had any left!)
riobikini Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 re: Bonehead: " Stereotypes.." I concur with the general jest of your post. It seems that the very high emotions in this particular forum *drives* home your conclusion. I only disagree with the part where you say that some wouldn't necessarily act the same way or say the same horrifying things in person to someone. There are some folks who absolutely relish rude, ugly behavior and even seek to cultivate it -and the circumstances of infidelity, adultry, and being someone's "other" lover, or the partner in a triangle- is often ripe for that kind of behavior especially for a person who thrives on drama, hatred, and causing great pain to others, just because they can. In doing so, they promote the stereotype -and get the expected response, only to to cry "Foul!!" when it suits their defense. I've dealt with other's stereotypical view of me and the most damage I can do to myself is to be what other's perceive without knowing all about me. But (Smile) as I get older (and older -and due to my learning to *behave* much better with the added years) the most of what others think of me means little to nil. (Smile) -Rio
LaughMachine Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 haha I would talk to everyone in person like I do on loveshack. HAHAHAH. I laugh alot, I'm very nice and will talk to anyone....I might be shy at first but Some people here are just really nice. Everyone is different...
Author bonehead Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 2. The BS cares about how the MP feels, but only concerning the M That is quite often how it comes across. The BS cares about the MP only in the aspect of the marriage, not as a person.
Author bonehead Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 deleted it... nevermind. That really makes people wonder. lol
NoIDidn't Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 That is quite often how it comes across. The BS cares about the MP only in the aspect of the marriage, not as a person. But those are the thoughts of the person who is only thinking of himself, and usually not trying to be whatever the M defines them as. Classic WS speak. The WS isn't thinking about the M or the person they are married to as a person either. And you were talking about others using stereotypes, what about this? Why are you characterizing the BS in such a negative light? Not to mention, stereotypes got that way for a reason: they obviously fit SOME people and situations. And there are some here, on both sides, that fit numerous stereotypes.
Author bonehead Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 Not to mention, stereotypes got that way for a reason: they obviously fit SOME people and situations. And there are some here, on both sides, that fit numerous stereotypes. Agree. I just hate feeding sterotypes.
LaughMachine Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Maybe everyone should just get rid of the word sterotypes.....Even if I'm so against them I still use them without thinking...blah
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 That really makes people wonder. lol Did you go to sleep wondering.... Stereotypes for everything and everybody. Your hair colour, male, female, race, culture, religion, gay, straight, your upbringing...It doesn't matter, people are going to assume and stereotype...Only way to deal with it sometimes is to laugh. I'm a redhead. I bet some of you may be thinking, "wow, I bet she has a real temper!" Am I right or am I right? (Or not.)
LaughMachine Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Did you go to sleep wondering.... Stereotypes for everything and everybody. Your hair colour, male, female, race, culture, religion, gay, straight, your upbringing...It doesn't matter, people are going to assume and stereotype...Only way to deal with it sometimes is to laugh. I'm a redhead. I bet some of you may be thinking, "wow, I bet she has a real temper!" Am I right or am I right? (Or not.) The first thing that I thought was fire crotch because of the incident that happend to linsey lohan. Some rich guy calling her a fire crouch....I work with this red head...she has a temper but I never new that was the sterotype for redheads. I think its cool that redheads have very fair skin and freakles. Do you have freakles?
Author bonehead Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 I'm a redhead. I bet some of you may be thinking, "wow, I bet she has a real temper!" Am I right or am I right? Actually I knew quite a few red heads, and their temper is no worse then a blonds I wish I could fill the stereotype of a man. sit on couch, drink beer, belch, scratch self, use small words. If life was just that simple.
LaughMachine Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Actually I knew quite a few red heads, and their temper is no worse then a blonds I wish I could fill the stereotype of a man. sit on couch, drink beer, belch, scratch self, use small words. If life was just that simple. lol I hope some men read that haha jk
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 The first thing that I thought was fire crotch because of the incident that happend to linsey lohan. Some rich guy calling her a fire crouch....I work with this red head...she has a temper but I never new that was the sterotype for redheads. I think its cool that redheads have very fair skin and freakles. Do you have freakles? Medium-fair skin, not the typical pasty white skin redheads have. And yeah I have some freckles. I used to have a temper when I was younger, now i just know how to control it and it only comes out when I'm pushed too far. Not too many get blessed with it! Usually my mom! Actually I knew quite a few red heads, and their temper is no worse then a blonds I wish I could fill the stereotype of a man. sit on couch, drink beer, belch, scratch self, use small words. If life was just that simple. Men - Short, sweet and to the point. Women - Not enough space to write it all down. You get the drift.
blind_otter Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Actually I knew quite a few red heads, and their temper is no worse then a blonds I wish I could fill the stereotype of a man. sit on couch, drink beer, belch, scratch self, use small words. If life was just that simple. Maybe stereotypes are different for each person. My stereotype of a man is one who works hard and is slightly emotionally removed from his family. The classic man's man, who is diligent about supporting his family and one who would always step up to the plate if need be. A man is someone who will sacrifice himself and his own happiness for his family. That's what I grew up with, anyways, so that's what I assume a man is, stereotypically.
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