bonehead Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 As of late ther have been alot of posts on these boards that seem to have taken on an attack tone. It works both ways. From BS and OPs. I really wish you people could sit back and read these with out emotion. There are BSs posting on here that fit into the " shes a bi*ch, doesnt care how anyone else feels, controlling, cold and any othe rnegitive line a WS can come up with. There are also OPs posting that fall in to the " shes a clingy selfish blind as a bat " what ever else a BS might want to call them. While I know it doesnt fit most the posters on here, you people play the parts really well. Most of you would NEVER talk to some one face to face the way you do on here. Some of you may say you would, and I will tell you B*L**** unless you have ended up on the floor a few times. No wonder Dale Carnigie made a million bucks!!
Guest Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 This is just not a subject that can be discussed without emotion!
noforgiveness Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 As of late ther have been alot of posts on these boards that seem to have taken on an attack tone. It works both ways. From BS and OPs. I really wish you people could sit back and read these with out emotion. There are BSs posting on here that fit into the " shes a bi*ch, doesnt care how anyone else feels, controlling, cold and any othe rnegitive line a WS can come up with. There are also OPs posting that fall in to the " shes a clingy selfish blind as a bat " what ever else a BS might want to call them. While I know it doesnt fit most the posters on here, you people play the parts really well. Most of you would NEVER talk to some one face to face the way you do on here. Some of you may say you would, and I will tell you B*L**** unless you have ended up on the floor a few times. No wonder Dale Carnigie made a million bucks!! Actually I would but the tone would be heard totally differently and more caring. Tone and body language play a huge part in communication.
Fly My Pretties Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Well, I am neither a BS or OW. I have very strong feelings on infidelity though and I freely admit that I do stereotype OW. I believe that affairs are wrong and I have strong feelings on the type of people that OW are. Here's the thing though - I don't believe I am disrespectful on this forum. I hope that I speak to people as human beings regardless of what I think of them as individuals.
lovernotafighter Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Actually I would but the tone would be heard totally differently and more caring. Tone and body language play a huge part in communication. well that about sums up your relationship with your husband perfectly doesn't it
annee Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Totally agree with BH. These OM/OW come here for support but most people just attack cos they project their feelings of betrayal on them. Its like to a BS all these OM/OW are the reasons why affairs exist it the world and people get hurt. Maybe when people take the emotions out they can have actually see the pain these people are going through instead of judging them. Everyone has a fundamental human need to be happy OM/OW are no different.
Porn_Guy Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 WTF does Dale Carnegie have to do with this?
Romeo Must Die Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Sorry, I didnt see the sign where BS are not allowed to post here, or have nothing objective or interesting to bring to the table, and even if you disagree with what I have to say, or even the way I say it, then it sucks to be you. I guess you are just going to have to learn how to deal with others here (just like in the real world) or get used to living with disappointment. If you want the Disney/OW version and go through life with the filters on that is your choice. It doesnt necessarily hurt, but it doesnt really help people either to shelter them either. My husband had a three year LTA, and I think I could very possibly have a lot more knowledge and experience about them (being a BS who has never once crossed that line) than an OW that is in one herself. Then again, there are certian affair-related subjects I choose not to post on because I simply do not agree with the subject, or have no knowledge or experience with, and I simply let it go with my amazing powers of self-control. Sure, there is critisizm - even on both sides (just take look again at lovernotafighters post to noforgiveness above) and I have seen the OW fight amongst themselves like she-cats (Take ReneeT as example) as much as they have fought with the BS. You know for a fact that this is a touchy subject and in real life people do not discuss it. I dont want just the BS opinion, sometimes I am curious how the other half lives.
herenow Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 You know for a fact that this is a touchy subject and in real life people do not discuss it. I dont want just the BS opinion, sometimes I am curious how the other half lives. That's exactly why I'm here in the first place. To try and understand the "other" side. BH, you can say it's bull but, I went back and read some of my posts and I would have no problem saying exactly what I have said to anyone face to face. I stand by what I say.
puddleofmud Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Getting back to the stereo-type issue: I would think that if ex-MM man's BS (who may or may not know she has been cheated upon) most likely would have NO MERCY towards me. My defense would matter, little! I can't perceive any latitude as I am the woman who had been with her husband for YEARS! What should she think about that? I doubt she would care if I knew or did not know that he was married or even if she would believe me. From everything I have learned lately, she wouldn't. I do not think there would be a thing I could say to make her feel any better and I DO assume that she would just hate me for all practical purposes with the female "mistress" stereo-type well embedded her mind. And, often for this reason, there is really may not be any good reason to squeal to the BS. The BS would be humiliated and so full of emotion that they probably could care less about what actually happened much less that I was also betrayed. My feelings would NEVER factor, reality wouldn't factor--only the reaction to the BS betrayal would factor. As angry as I may be towards the ex-MM: I could not do a single thing about his wife's situation. HE is the only one who can do that, and God help his sorry butt--I hope he is or would. All I may do is be thankful I am no longer involved and hope I am never served with court papers or be called to testify because then and only then would I present the truth as I know it. The stereo-type for women is not only that mistresses are the devil incarnate (and the MM seem to often use this to placate the BS), but that WOMEN in general are the "gate-keepers" of sex and men are the "conquerers". Women are not conquerd (sp) unless we allow men to do so. Men are too often assumed the dumber than dumb physically controlled sex-seeking gender and women are supposed to be the ones who "just say no". When one doesn't "just say no" then one is assumed to have made one's bed and be required to lie in it.
Author bonehead Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 BH, you can say it's bull but, I went back and read some of my posts and I would have no problem saying exactly what I have said to anyone face to face. I stand by what I say. i didnt say everyone one here. But there are quite a few who I have a really hard time believing would talk the same way if they were face to face.
yousaveme Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 This could be very true... i didnt say everyone one here. But there are quite a few who I have a really hard time believing would talk the same way if they were face to face.
Author bonehead Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 Hey BH - where you been hiding? I have wireless internet at home, and the repeater got taken out. Didnt have signal. I started this thread with a few minutes down time at work last night
yousaveme Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 You have been missed...Glad to see you back I have wireless internet at home, and the repeater got taken out. Didnt have signal. I started this thread with a few minutes down time at work last night
Author bonehead Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 You have been missed...Glad to see you back Thank you.
Kathleen Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Your welcome.. Your purple lipstick is great.
pricillia Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 I think the BS is harder on the OW becuase women do not expect that from another women. And as far as what kind of woman I am, I am a good woman... Being a Married woman does not make you a better woman vs a non married woman, it just means you have different experiences. But I would like to say how easy it is for one to judge. For instance, for me personally, I do not know as a woman why one would cheat on her man. When I am in a relationship that person means the world to me, I would never ever cheat my man. If in the event that I was not in love with him anymore I would not be intimate emotionally or physically with another man until I was not attached and no longer in love. With that said as a woman being with multiple parteners in a cheating situation or not is not something that I would not approve of. But the OW, BS conversations sometimes get heated because we can not help but relate another's story to our own. and then find some peace and/ or understanding as well as resolution, that s what we all came here to do. I said it before and I will say it again we are women first( and men), did not mean to leave you out Bonehead. But it is true some if us cross the line and I agree we would not act like this in real life at all, don't spread fear and hate and judgement, although hard at times. I wonder if you met me in real life, if you would ever think that I would be in this situation, probably not, truth is people go through different experiences in thier life and that is the fact of life. I met MM for a reason, we did not come on to each other, we did not flirt, it took us a very long time to even talk to eachother, I really do not think either of us were looking at the time at all.
pureinheart Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 I know I am steriotyping right now due to my situation, and am a bit hypersensitive concerning w's. Realizing my situation is not the most common. Update on what's been happening...W wrote me an email at work that was the most vulgar and crude piece of writing I have seen to date....she thinks she can get me fired by doing this...I reported it to security....this last Tue she wrote another one, demanding I respond to her. Your right BH, in situations such as these one has to be non emotional. People that are on the attack are emotional and out of control, they act on the emotion....now if I react, then I am no better.... Last night I released myself from this controling situation....they all had be bound by guilt, so to counteract that guilt I wrote a short, direct apology note. I did that for me. It's important for us to do the right thing....and BH this is right up your alley....fight fire with an even greater fire...self respect This forum has given me the ability to vent...the venting and advice gave me correct reasoning....to act upon the facts and not some out of control rage.
amaysngrace Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 It's important for us to do the right thing Does that mean you broke it off with your MM?
cbl Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 I know I am steriotyping right now due to my situation, and am a bit hypersensitive concerning w's. Realizing my situation is not the most common. Update on what's been happening...W wrote me an email at work that was the most vulgar and crude piece of writing I have seen to date....she thinks she can get me fired by doing this...I reported it to security....this last Tue she wrote another one, demanding I respond to her. Your right BH, in situations such as these one has to be non emotional. People that are on the attack are emotional and out of control, they act on the emotion....now if I react, then I am no better.... Last night I released myself from this controling situation....they all had be bound by guilt, so to counteract that guilt I wrote a short, direct apology note. I did that for me. It's important for us to do the right thing....and BH this is right up your alley....fight fire with an even greater fire...self respect This forum has given me the ability to vent...the venting and advice gave me correct reasoning....to act upon the facts and not some out of control rage. hugs to you.... I figured most people are often struggling between being emotional and being rational. Showing them your rational side makes them think, instead of making them act upon their emotions..... if they do not let their emotions go too wild.
pureinheart Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Does that mean you broke it off with your MM? Oh yes...months ago
pureinheart Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 ((((((hugs to you too cbl!)))))))))) , (((((((((hugs to all!))))))))))))
Author bonehead Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 Does that mean you broke it off with your MM? She didnt have a choice. She didnt want me hunting her down shaking the daylights out of her screaming " Are you as nuts as he is??!!"" Hers really was psyco, his WHOLE family has issues. Hers really was a matter of safety.
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