Lostgurl Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 The woman that you plan to marry and are afraid of losing, or a job that you like, but come with unexpected circumstances that you HATE? I'd really like some insight here please, just to help me get a feel on where i stand and where the future of mine and my bf's relationship lay's Thanks
Pyro Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 The woman that you plan to marry and are afraid of losing, or a job that you like, but come with unexpected circumstances that you HATE? I'd really like some insight here please, just to help me get a feel on where i stand and where the future of mine and my bf's relationship lay's Thanks It depends on what type of circumstances. Would you mind telling us the circumstances?
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 He can always find another job, and one that pays well...He won't be able to find another "you."
Author Lostgurl Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 Hey Riddler, The circumstances of his current position of where he is living right now: He is staying with family, him and a "distant" family member he's living with don't see eye to eye. He is working with a very close family member that annoys the crap outa him because he doesn't live up to his work ethic. Basically this family member dog f*cks all day and takes advatantage of another close family member that they work with as much as he can. I went to visit him and he could see that i didn't want to move there. We got into an arguement about it. A few days after i got back he told me that if i find him a job through mine and my dad's "connections" he'd come home. I seriously don't know that if he was happy there, that he'd come back here for my happiness. If things were different for him over there. I hate to doubt him but.... He HATES this town.. He stayed here as long as he could for me in the past. I know he loves me, but is it my love that's bringing him back? Or is it his desperation to get out of the current situation he's in? It makes me shake my head to even be writing this because i'm doubting his love.... Deep down i think it is his love for me that is bringing him back to a place he hates. I still can't help but question it though. I hate that i am, but i am none the less.
Pyro Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I went to visit him and he could see that i didn't want to move there. We got into an arguement about it. A few days after i got back he told me that if i find him a job through mine and my dad's "connections" he'd come home. I seriously don't know that if he was happy there, that he'd come back here for my happiness. If things were different for him over there. I hate to doubt him but.... He HATES this town.. He stayed here as long as he could for me in the past. I know he loves me, but is it my love that's bringing him back? Or is it his desperation to get out of the current situation he's in? It makes me shake my head to even be writing this because i'm doubting his love.... Deep down i think it is his love for me that is bringing him back to a place he hates. I still can't help but question it though. I hate that i am, but i am none the less. Well you do know him better than us, but this seems to be a common problem with him. You shouldn't have to question his love for you. How about a compromise? Why don't the two of you find a new spot to live? To answer your original question: I would keep the woman that I plan on marrying. If he hates the job that much, then find new work. Like WWIU said, there is only one you and lots of work available.
Author Lostgurl Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 He can always find another job, and one that pays well...He won't be able to find another "you." Yea, he can in other places... I live in a pretty isolated northern community, where there isn't much opportunity for people who don't have "northern" status, are native, or a degree of some sort. But i promised him that we would move else where (closer to home) together once we found a place that was agreed on and did it together, instead of him bolting across the country at a moments notice after a brief breakup! Whoooooo kinda need a deep breath after reading that one LOL.
Author Lostgurl Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 Well you do know him better than us, but this seems to be a common problem with him. You shouldn't have to question his love for you. How about a compromise? Why don't the two of you find a new spot to live? To answer your original question: I would keep the woman that I plan on marrying. If he hates the job that much, then find new work. Like WWIU said, there is only one you and lots of work available. Yes i agree, that was what was planned after he moved here. But where he stands right now, is that he won't move here with out a job in place. I'm super stressed about this because i feel like the outcome of our relationship is on my shoulders. He's struggling right now, trying to find a new career path. He had one, but in his eyes it is basically destroyed. He could go back, but it would mean a huge drop in salary of what he was making when he left it, and he refuses to accept that. I am so hoping that you both are right. That even if a fail to find him the $200 a day job he's asked me to find him. That he'll still come back for me and our girls. But he refuses to do "monkey" work for crappy pay. I completely understand that.. But it wouldn't be forever... only until we can decide on somewhere closer and both find jobs that we can live with.
Pyro Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Yes i agree, that was what was planned after he moved here. But where he stands right now, is that he won't move here with out a job in place. I'm super stressed about this because i feel like the outcome of our relationship is on my shoulders. He's struggling right now, trying to find a new career path. He had one, but in his eyes it is basically destroyed. He could go back, but it would mean a huge drop in salary of what he was making when he left it, and he refuses to accept that. I am so hoping that you both are right. That even if a fail to find him the $200 a day job he's asked me to find him. That he'll still come back for me and our girls. But he refuses to do "monkey" work for crappy pay. I completely understand that.. But it wouldn't be forever... only until we can decide on somewhere closer and both find jobs that we can live with. So why not just start looking for work elsewhere now? Use the internet to look for jobs for him all around. You hate where he lives and he hates where you live, so it seems like the right thing to do. Once the two of you find a place that you are both happy with and that you can call home, than get married.
burning 4 revenge Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 In all honesty, for an attractive man with normal circumstances a good woman is easier to find than a good job. And is your relocation out of the question?
Author Lostgurl Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 In all honesty, for an attractive man with normal circumstances a good woman is easier to find than a good job. And is your relocation out of the question? When he told me he was leaving.. It was the very moment that we got back together, it was decided upon that me and the girls would move there. I have lived here my whole life. I missed home my family and all the friends i have in the world horribly after being there a week... But i couldn't bare to leave him either when it was time to go. I'm torn, and i feel as though i would be making a mistake leaving my new job, where the only place i have to move is up... (and it's tax free) I can't help but feel some resentment too that he left me and flew across the country after 2 weeks of us being broken up. Expecting me to move there ya know? All of his belongings are still here except for his clothes... My whole life is here. I WILL move when we both have jobs waiting, and a home to move into, and money in the bank. But somewhere close enough that i can jump in my car and drive "home" on a weekend ya know? He's bounced around his whole life and doesn't have an attachement to one certian place. I know i'm sounding selfish here... but crap.. It's not like i'm saying that "home" is where we'll be forever. Just until we can find jobs before moving. There is securilty this way. We have 2 girls to think about also. I went there knowing (at least i thought) that it was either me going there or it being the end of us. But he seen in my face, without me saying a word that i DIDN'T want to move there. I am thinking that was what he based his decision on. He called me on it, and i admitted not wanting to move across the country. But i told him that it wasn't out of the question. Also that i would sacrifice my job, house, being away from family and friends if it meant being with him. My oldest daughter just voiced that she doesn't want to move a few days ago. She has great ears, because i never said anything about moving. But I haven't told him this yet.
Author Lostgurl Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 So why not just start looking for work elsewhere now? Use the internet to look for jobs for him all around. You hate where he lives and he hates where you live, so it seems like the right thing to do. Once the two of you find a place that you are both happy with and that you can call home, than get married. This does seem like a great idea . But the thing is, is that it's impossible for him to save at this time, because he is making very little at the moment, and pays his way on top of it. I make twice as much, but i have way more bills on my own (daycare, car etc.) and can't save nearly enough as we both could if we were sharing our bills and saving together until we could both find decent jobs in the same city.
Pyro Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 This does seem like a great idea . But the thing is, is that it's impossible for him to save at this time, because he is making very little at the moment, and pays his way on top of it. I make twice as much, but i have way more bills on my own (daycare, car etc.) and can't save nearly enough as we both could if we were sharing our bills and saving together until we could both find decent jobs in the same city. Well if he is making very little right now, then I do hope that he is looking for work with better pay. You guys have thus far survived the LDR thing thus far, so perhaps the marriage should wait until he has money saved up. On the other hand, is he aware that the two of you could save more money if you shared bills and other expenses? So he is not happy where he is now because he is not making much and if he came to live with you, he wouldn't be making much either? So unless he finds a better job, it would make no difference money wise if he lived with you or stayed where he is at, so why doesn't he just move in with you, so the two of you can save some money and so he can be with the woman that he loves?
Author Lostgurl Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 Well if he is making very little right now, then I do hope that he is looking for work with better pay. You guys have thus far survived the LDR thing thus far, so perhaps the marriage should wait until he has money saved up. On the other hand, is he aware that the two of you could save more money if you shared bills and other expenses? So he is not happy where he is now because he is not making much and if he came to live with you, he wouldn't be making much either? So unless he finds a better job, it would make no difference money wise if he lived with you or stayed where he is at, so why doesn't he just move in with you, so the two of you can save some money and so he can be with the woman that he loves? I haven't mentioned that we could save alot more if we were together saving. I just assumed that he knew that. I was so shocked that he is actually considering coming back here. I never once tried or even mentioned him comming back here. I never thought there was a chance of him considering it. He needs a job that he feels good about. I have built my jobs around my family. That's what makes us different. The job he has over there at this point, he feels good about what he does at the end of the day, even if it doesn't pay well. But he can't stand living with who he's living with, and he also can't stand working with a certian person. He also can't really live on his own with his pay and the cost of living in that province. But he feels good about his job. He has room to grow there given time. I am pretty damn sure that he won't come back here to work a "monkey job" to save to move some where else. But on the other hand, i think that there is only so much that he can take with the current situation that he's in right now. I know that i would give up my whole life here to be with him, and eventually marry him someday after we are secure. But i can't help but feeling like this whole relationship is going to come crashing down. I guess it's just the stress of having to find him a job.
Pyro Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I haven't mentioned that we could save alot more if we were together saving. I just assumed that he knew that. I was so shocked that he is actually considering coming back here. I never once tried or even mentioned him comming back here. I never thought there was a chance of him considering it. He needs a job that he feels good about. I have built my jobs around my family. That's what makes us different. The job he has over there at this point, he feels good about what he does at the end of the day, even if it doesn't pay well. But he can't stand living with who he's living with, and he also can't stand working with a certian person. He also can't really live on his own with his pay and the cost of living in that province. But he feels good about his job. He has room to grow there given time. I am pretty damn sure that he won't come back here to work a "monkey job" to save to move some where else. But on the other hand, i think that there is only so much that he can take with the current situation that he's in right now. I know that i would give up my whole life here to be with him, and eventually marry him someday after we are secure. But i can't help but feeling like this whole relationship is going to come crashing down. I guess it's just the stress of having to find him a job. You can never assume that someone knows something without you telling them. Mention it to him and see what he has to say. At this point, the only difference between the two scenarios is one is with you and one is without you. I would hope that since he loves you, he would want to be with you. I mean it would only be temporary since you said that there are really no well paying jobs where you are at. So if he doesn't feel good about his job, then why is he there? Since both scenarios are temporary, then having a job that he feels good about shouldn't even be a priority. If I were him, I would worry about the "feel good" job until I have saved some money. Hope that makes sense. If you are having doubts about the relationship, then maybe the two of you need to reconsider things.
Author Lostgurl Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 You can never assume that someone knows something without you telling them. Mention it to him and see what he has to say. At this point, the only difference between the two scenarios is one is with you and one is without you. I would hope that since he loves you, he would want to be with you. I mean it would only be temporary since you said that there are really no well paying jobs where you are at. So if he doesn't feel good about his job, then why is he there? Since both scenarios are temporary, then having a job that he feels good about shouldn't even be a priority. If I were him, I would worry about the "feel good" job until I have saved some money. Hope that makes sense. If you are having doubts about the relationship, then maybe the two of you need to reconsider things. You are absolutley right . It's useless for me to be worrying about whether or not family connections can get him a job that he feels satisfied with. It IS going to be temporary, and he should (hopefully) see that and move here anyway until we can find something satisfying for the both of us somewhere else. But yes, *assume* makes an ASS out of U and ME, so the next time we have a serious convo about this, i will point it out to him that him working at an unfulfilling job would only be temporary until we can move. A relationship shouldn't be soooo complicated. Either it's naturally doomed i am making it this way, because i'm such a fricken worry wart half the time . Or we are both stubborn, we ARE the same sign, ehhh to confusing now LOL too much of the Captian in my veins at this point of the night . Thanks Rid! I'll let you know what happens.
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