He loves me or he loves me not!?

[stupid_girl]

I am recently seperated, my divorce is final in two weeks, and I started dating again mid November.

 

My boyfriend and I wait tables at the same resteraunt. As soon as he found out that I was seperated, he was very interested in me, and persued me. I went out with him a few times, and we fooled around. He is really flirty by nature, and at work, he would flirt with EVERYONE. I took him aside one day, and told him that I didn't think he and I would work out, because I am a really jealous person. He said that he wanted me to give us another chance, and that he would tone down on the flirting. I told him that I couldn't ask a grown man to change, and he said, "You aren't asking, I'm volunteering." So I agreed to wait a while more, and see how it went. He cut back on the flirting, and I was more understanding, and we were OK. A few days later (we talked on the phone every day) we were texting, and he said he loved me. I told him that he shouldn't say that unless he meant it, and he said he did.

 

He works two jobs, and goes to college, so I knew that he wouldn't have a lot of time for me. One day, however, he made plans to see me, then cancelled the plans to spend time with his mom. The next time we had plans, he had to cancel them because he had a test, and it ran long, and he didn't make it back to town before I had to be at work. I don't like being cancelled on...especially two times in a row. I told him so, and he argued that he was busy. We made plans again, and I was supposed to meet him at his place at 9. At 8:30, I called to tell him that I was on my way, but he didn't answer. I called again at 8:45, and when he didn't answer, I decided to just go on over to his place like we had planned. So I sent him a text saying that I was on my way.

 

I arrive at his house, to find him very sick. He apologized for not answering the phone, but I told him that it was my own fault...if he'd told me that he was too sick for me to come over, I would've just gotten mad. We hung out for a few minutes, and I left.

 

As the weeks went on, I got upset a lot about him not making time for me, and of course, the more I got upset, the less he seemed to want to be around me. An entire month went by, without us seeing one another outside of work. He had planned to go out of town with his family for the holidays, and I had a lot of plans with my family for the holidays too. There was a lot of tension between us at this point, so we discussed it, and I suggested that for the two weeks that he wouldn't be around, that we just go on a break, and not phone one another, and see how we felt when he got back.

 

While he was gone, I decided that since he was so busy, I wasn't going to stress about seeing him outside of work any more. We would just enjoy each other at work, and that would be that. I called him once while he was gone, and left a message telling him happy new year. He didn't call me at all, which made me think he wasn't interested, because if you like someone, you want to talk to them, right? I wanted to talk to him!

 

When he was scheduled to come back, I didn't call him, because I didn't want to hear what he had to say. I thought he might've decided to end things for good, since he hadn't called. Honestly, while he was gone, I was so relieved, because I wasn't always trying to get his attention at work, and then getting upset when he was too busy for me, but unfortunately, I still liked him, and wanted to be with him.

 

He got back into town, and I didn't call him, and he didn't call me. The next day, he dropped off his best friend (who also works with us, and who is a Girl) and he and I talked a little, but all of our co-workers were around him, so we couldn't really talk. We are trying to keep our relationship as private as possible (my choice-I HATE nosey co-workers, but his best friend, who is a Girl knows about us). We left work at the same time, and he told me that he was going to the mall. I went home. As soon as I got home, he called me, and said that I seemed "quiet". I told him that I was fine, but just that there were so many people around him, that we couldn't really talk. He got another call, and put me on hold. I waited a minute, and hung up. I thought about going to see him at the mall, but I didn't want to chase him. But then I thought that Heck, I hadn't seen him for two weeks, and I'm too old to play hard to get.

 

So I went to the mall to see him. He seemed happy to see me at first, but then started talking to the manager of one of the stores about a job. I got bored, and told him that I was going to go home. He said ok, and walked me out. I went for my car, and he said, "I'll give you a ride". His car was two cars down from mine So I took the hint, and got in his car, and we talked, and hugged and kissed. Then, I went home, and he called me, and we talked about how we felt about each other after our break, and we seemed to be on the same page, that we still wanted to be together. So all was right with the world, right?

 

Wrong!

 

Two days later when we worked together again, his best friend was all around him the whole day, and I couldn't get near him. We stayed pretty busy, but every free second he had, he would run outside and smoke with her. I got annoyed, and finally after about four hours of him not saying two words to me, I went outside, found him, got him alone, and told him that I was TIRED of missing him! I told him that I had decided to just see him at work, but that he wasn't even giving me attention at work! So I dumped him. He just didn't have time for me.

 

Then, I went home and felt terrible. I sent him a couple of text messages apologizing, but he didn't respond. I tried to call him, he didn't answer. The next day, I didn't have to work, so I called him, and he didn't answer. The day after that, I had given up on talking to him, and I didn't work that day either. The next day (today) we worked together for about an hour. I was happy to just talk to my girls, and he was happy to talk to anyone but me, and we were fine.

 

Then, I went to get some drinks, and he cornered me, smiled, and said, "Have you found someone else yet?" I said, "No, why?" He said, "Just curious." Then a few minutes later, he was leaving, and he told his best friend bye, then he came and whispered in my ear, "It was a pleasure seeing you today." I said, "Seriously?" He said, "Yes!" Then he patted me on the back and left.

 

Thirty minutes later, I was off, so I sent him a text message, telling him that I was already off, and he sent me one back telling me to come over. So I did. We slept together...twice. After the first time, I was getting dressed to go, and he asked me to cuddle with him a while. So I happily did. Then I was getting ready to leave again, and he kept talking to me, so I hung around a little bit more, and we slept together again. As SOON as we finished the second time, he acted like he couldn't get rid of me fast enough.

 

So NOW what!?!?!? I can't read him at all, so I can't tell if he likes me, or if he just wants a booty call. Honestly, I don't know if I like HIM! He doesn't have time for me. I WANT SO BADLY to just go with the flow, and see where it goes, but I'm constantly wanting to know where I stand with him. When we're alone, he acts like he's crazy about me, but at work, he barely talks to me, and half the time, he won't answer my calls. How do you casually date? That's what I want to do. If I'm sleeping with someone, I want to be in THAT relationship only. So I don't know how to casually date one person. Sex muddled it up I think, because It's a casual relationship with sex. I hate dating. Help!

[norajane]

The first rule of casual dating is never, ever to date people you work with or have to see all the time (like your neighbor, or your best friend's brother...). Because if things go bad, or even if you have a simple argument, you have to face each other at work, and it sucks.

 

The second rule of casual dating is never, ever to have casual sex with people you really, really like and want as a boyfriend. Because if you really like that guy, the sex won't be casual for you, though it might be for him. Wait to have sex until you're both ready to have sex that isn't casual.

 

The third rule of casual dating is never, ever to date people who won't answer calls and play games like sometimes they talk to you and sometimes they don't. Where's the fun in a relationship like that? If he's not making you feel special, he's not worth your time and certainly not your anxiety.

 

As to what you should do now, cool the whole thing off with this guy. Don't date him, don't text him, don't call him, just stick to a friendly work relationship. Find another guy to date - a guy that leaves you happy and smiling not tense and frustrated and angry.

[ls3360]

So NOW what!?!?!? I can't read him at all, so I can't tell if he likes me, or if he just wants a booty call. Honestly, I don't know if I like HIM! He doesn't have time for me. I WANT SO BADLY to just go with the flow, and see where it goes, but I'm constantly wanting to know where I stand with him.

 

It sounds like dating is difficult for you.

 

When we're alone, he acts like he's crazy about me, but at work, he barely talks to me,

 

Which it sounds like you might have requested in order to avoid nosey co-workers.

 

and half the time, he won't answer my calls.

 

That can be frustrating. I think many people do that. I think it's rude. I think you also notice it more if you're in a relationship. I have no insight and can only suggest that if you can't stand it and you're considering someone that does that, perhaps you should be considering someone else.

 

How do you casually date? That's what I want to do. If I'm sleeping with someone, I want to be in THAT relationship only. So I don't know how to casually date one person. Sex muddled it up I think, because It's a casual relationship with sex. I hate dating. Help!

 

I'm no expert in this area, but I'd suggest no sleeping with people until you get better at this. Practice sexless casual relationships or friendships before you add sex to the mix.