NoIDidn't Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I see this here alot on the side of the OW, not so much the OM. So I wanted to start a thread on it. If there are flames, so be it. Doesn't matter what side it is from, this is a touchy subject and I hope I am treading lightly. Some here are with a MM that got caught and went back into the A. Maybe you were denied, or defended. It doesn't matter for this thread. But here it is. I don't agree with the notion that the MM is only remorseful or sorry to his W only because he got caught. A lot of these guys truly believed that their W's didn't love them and that their M were dead. Most figure that since she hates them so much, she'll probably kick them out. Some do, some don't. But when they see how much their actions actually hurt their W, they are truly sorry for that. Sometimes not sorry enough to end the affair altogether, but definitely sorry for the pain they've caused. I am only speculating, but if your A was found out by the betrayed, do you think the MM was sorry that he got caught, or sorry that he caused his W so much pain?
Freedom Now Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I can only speak for my xMM. I think that he felt terrible about what he did to his wife. I really do. And I would imagine that their life has been a living hell.... But, I think the underlying impression that I surmised with him after D-day was that he wasn't sorry enough, as he returned to me over and over again in attempts to rekindle the affair.... So, in essence, I believe that although he was quite remorseful about what he did to his wife, he was probably MORE sorry that he got caught.
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 he was probably MORE sorry that he got caught. Yup. Because I'm sure he knew his days of having TWO women to meet all his needs, that nice little selfish life he had going for him, came crashing down and got all messed up.
Freedom Now Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 One leg of the triangle was removed and the rest of the triangle fell. Exactly right, WWIU.
Can'tGiveUp Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Without a doubt (and we were never caught but suspected), he was very affected by the pain he was causing. This man struggled with the pain he was causing her, the effects of that pain on his family, the pain he was causing me and the pain he was suffering himself. We are done, but I know he will carry the pain of everything (including the loss of me), with him for a very long time. Like they say, when it hurts more to be together, than to be apart, then the time has come...and it was hurting both of us too much.
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Like they say, when it hurts more to be together, than to be apart, then the time has come...and it was hurting both of us too much. I wish YSM would see this in her situation...
Freedom Now Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 And I have read this somewhere, and I truly, truly believe this: If it hurts, it probably isn't good for you.
Author NoIDidn't Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 If it hurts, it probably isn't good for you. I say that to my trainer, and she swears that its good for me anyways. Can you talk to her for me?
pureinheart Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 In my former situation, I strongly believe that ex-MM had A's for the soul purpose of getting caught....he started cheating days after they were M....some people love drama.....
Can'tGiveUp Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I wish YSM would see this in her situation... It is such an individual thing, that it may never happen for her. Part of my pain was what I could see it doing to him. One tends to assume that all men can compartamentalize their lives...he couldn't. There is the belief that they go home and forget the OW until the next time he sees her. That is not always the case.
Can'tGiveUp Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 And I have read this somewhere, and I truly, truly believe this: If it hurts, it probably isn't good for you. Geez FN...what are you suggesting now? It hurts NOT being with him - should I break NC? lol J/K but for now, either option hurts...one just hurts more.
Freedom Now Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I say that to my trainer, and she swears that its good for me anyways. Can you talk to her for me? Sounds like something I would say to my trainer IF I exercised! Yeah, I am a sloth..... joined a healthclub last year and I have gone ONCE. Thank God for having a high metabolism, huh?
Freedom Now Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Geez FN...what are you suggesting now? It hurts NOT being with him - should I break NC? lol J/K but for now, either option hurts...one just hurts more. Pain if you stay and pain if you go. Hang in there....you are gonna be fine. Promise.
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 But atleast if you go, the pain will get less and less...If you stay then the pain is just being held onto and on hold.
bonehead Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 But atleast if you go, the pain will get less and less...If you stay then the pain is just being held onto and on hold. Also makes a difference on WHO is causeing the pain. With NC you are in control of the pain more then if you continue the A. Well maybe not in control of it, because it does feel like its controlling you, but you can keep it from lasting forever and or getting any worse.
noforgiveness Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I say that to my trainer, and she swears that its good for me anyways. Can you talk to her for me? :laugh: so true.
yousaveme Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Only speaking for my MM I think he was sorry and is sorry that she (W) did get hurt. Or should I say how and where she found out. But nothing has changed about the M or the feelings they have about it or for eachother. He does care about her , she is the mother of his childern. Which I do understand
herenow Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I don't think they really understand the ramifications of their infidelity until they truly see what is at stake. As long as the MM feels that the wife will stay whether or not he stops seeing the OW, he mostly feels sorry for himself when he gets caught.
puddleofmud Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 With my situation I have realized that the "affair" (and it hurts me to have to now realize that I DID NOT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP, BUT
cbl Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 As long as the MM feels that the wife will stay whether or not he stops seeing the OW, he mostly feels sorry for himself when he gets caught. so so true. especially for a repeat offender he probably thinks of himself losing his power over his wife and he has to wait for a while before he can have two women to fulfill his needs again.
Romeo Must Die Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 MM caught? Romeo was like a lion with his paw cut in a bear trap. He knashed his teeth and he blamed me for everything. lol. Yeah I made you do this. Would it be okay if I went to a bar and banged just any guy I wanted? Told you that I loved them too? Nooo. I could just see how that would play out.
PollyPocket Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Okay. You made him do it. You know how I found out. He was arguing with HER about her going out. He was in the bathroom. Whispering. I checked his phone which for the first time he left behind. There was a text. That SHE was sorry and that SHE LOVED HIM. When I confronted him , he was more concerned about HER then anything. I called her and talked with her. You know what that bastard never said he was sorry. He said it to her. She called back a few times and I told her I had the phone. I had to act like everything was fine. Now I am currently looking at our cellphone bill and there is at least 50 blocked calls. Guess he has her calling the cell again.
herenow Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Okay. You made him do it. You know how I found out. He was arguing with HER about her going out. He was in the bathroom. Whispering. I checked his phone which for the first time he left behind. There was a text. That SHE was sorry and that SHE LOVED HIM. When I confronted him , he was more concerned about HER then anything. I called her and talked with her. You know what that bastard never said he was sorry. He said it to her. She called back a few times and I told her I had the phone. I had to act like everything was fine. Now I am currently looking at our cellphone bill and there is at least 50 blocked calls. Guess he has her calling the cell again. Why did you have to act like everything is fine? I'm not familiar with your story so just wondering.
PollyPocket Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 We were at my parents home. Found out later SHE was also a shore town away at HER home. Why did you have to act like everything is fine? I'm not familiar with your story so just wondering.
herenow Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 We were at my parents home. Found out later SHE was also a shore town away at HER home. OK, makes perfect sense.
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