Charlotte434 Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I have a friend who I've known my whole life. She's fat and bc of this has always overcompensated by saying how she knows soo many people, sabatoging things with guys, she's just a very jealous person...of me and of her other attractive friends. we stayed friends but as we got older we had different social scenes. I stopped talking to her abrubtely bc I suspected she did something shady to me. Anyway after a year or so I resumed the friendship. I honestly don't like her as a person anymore. When we go out, which is rare she'll pretend she's sick so we leave early(usually when she sees guys talking to me), cancel plans and all she likes to do is sit on the phone and talk about the same 2 guys for the past 5 years that she pretended were her boyfriends. Her whole life is wrapped up in trying to get a boyfriend. I am single, it don't bother me, I work, am in grad school so listening to her nonstop..well it's rather irritating. It comes down to we have nothing on common anymore other then old high school memories which we can talk about for hours. I tried 3 times ending the friendship, I stopped returning calls, answering emails..and all those times she would still keep calling at least once a week leaving messege after messege then saying "oh I think you don't to be friends with me". She'll then pop up a few months later, usually call me by blocking her number and rope me back in. Each time I'll talk to her for a few months and after a few months I'll realize why I stopped answering her calls. She'll call me on the weekends not to hang out..bc she'll cancel plans last minute but just to see what I'm doing. All of my friends who I don't speak to anymore..the friendships just die..and it's equal on both sides. I feel like she's a stalker bc at 24 why can't she do the same. I've never encountered someone who tried so hard to keep me in their life. How can she not see we have zilch in common anymore. I rarely answer her calls, I'll return her messages weeks later..and it's only bc I feel bad not bc I really want to. Does she just like to keep talking to me to be nosey and see whats going in my life?
CardPlay3r Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Uhmm, it's not just her, it's you too...if you keep answering her calls and not hanging up when you see it's her or you keep returning her voice messages then you are partly to blame for it. You don't want to have anything to do with her anymore then tell her that and act on it.
Author Charlotte434 Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 Uhmm, it's not just her, it's you too...if you keep answering her calls and not hanging up when you see it's her or you keep returning her voice messages then you are partly to blame for it. You don't want to have anything to do with her anymore then tell her that and act on it. I guess u didn't read what I wrote..I've tried ending it numerous times, no return calls, ims but she will then out of the blue call me and block her number so of course I answer bc I don't know it's her. Am I gonna hang up the phone on her..um no. She's overly needy I mean I think that is clear don't u. We've been friends our entire lives since we were children so I'm not gonna be mean and say hey I don't want you as a friend. As an adult I would think she would be able to take the hint but apparently not. It's just that now like I said we have 0 in common..I guess I've changed she did, whatever.
CardPlay3r Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 I guess u didn't read what I wrote..I've tried ending it numerous times, no return calls, ims but she will then out of the blue call me and block her number so of course I answer bc I don't know it's her. Am I gonna hang up the phone on her..um no. She's overly needy I mean I think that is clear don't u. We've been friends our entire lives since we were children so I'm not gonna be mean and say hey I don't want you as a friend. As an adult I would think she would be able to take the hint but apparently not. It's just that now like I said we have 0 in common..I guess I've changed she did, whatever. Yes I've read what you wrote and now you're confirming what I thought...You either want to have no contact with her or want a friendship, it's like you want it both ways, have the cake and eat it too. Well, guess honestly is being mean these days...you think it's nicer to block her without saying anything than being honest and tell her you don't want to be friends anymore? If you don't tell her straight up not to call her, if you keep talking to her while she calls you with a hidden id and then proceed on returning calls then you don't really want to end it. You're putting yourself in this situation...so make up your mind either be friends or don't be, you're just complaining over your own doings.
littlekitty Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 I think what Cardplayer is trying to say is as follows: From what you are saying it seems that after a period of NC she will call with a hidden ID. When she's done that you then go back into a cycle of talking with her again - at least that's how I read what you've said. She'll then pop up a few months later, usually call me by blocking her number and rope me back in. Each time I'll talk to her for a few months and after a few months I'll realize why I stopped answering her calls So you're playing games as well, and making a rod for your own back. If she calls blocking her number, and you don't feel able to just say you no longer wish to continue the friendship, then don't get back into the cycle of picking up her calls again. Finish the call and resume NC and she then may get the message properly. By going back to being friends when she calls with a blocked ID you are giving her the signal that you do wish to continue the friends. You're giving her mixed messages. If that doesn't work, honesty may be your only option. Just explain that you no longer feel you have anything in common.
Blue Phoenix Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 --She's fat and bc of this has always overcompensated by saying how she knows soo many people, sabatoging things with guys, she's just a very jealous person...of me and of her other attractive friends-- Ok 1st off why dose she have to have issues just because shes over weight?? "Her more attractive friends" sorry to say but you sound like a pretty shallow person to me. You ever stop to think that maybe she realy values your friendship? So thats why she keeps trying to keep it alive.Also your def not helping by playing these games you are.Look eather be her friend or dont .But dont play the middle field and leave her in limbo. Or another thought comes to mind maybe you just use her. For some one to hang out with when none of your other "more attractive friends" are available. I use to have a friend like that and in the end I ended up telling her to take a hike!!
Author Charlotte434 Posted January 13, 2007 Author Posted January 13, 2007 --She's fat and bc of this has always overcompensated by saying how she knows soo many people, sabatoging things with guys, she's just a very jealous person...of me and of her other attractive friends-- Ok 1st off why dose she have to have issues just because shes over weight?? "Her more attractive friends" sorry to say but you sound like a pretty shallow person to me. You ever stop to think that maybe she realy values your friendship? So thats why she keeps trying to keep it alive.Also your def not helping by playing these games you are.Look eather be her friend or dont .But dont play the middle field and leave her in limbo. Or another thought comes to mind maybe you just use her. For some one to hang out with when none of your other "more attractive friends" are available. I use to have a friend like that and in the end I ended up telling her to take a hike!! mayby bc she does have issues with her weight..Are u overweight? Did i hit a sore spot for you? I think I did. Have you known her for years to know what her issues are and aren't? Didn't think so...lol. And yes everything I did write is the truth of the matter. And as far as hanging out she rarely leaves the house..so there goes your theory of me using her for someone to go out with when my more "attractive" friends aren't around..
CardPlay3r Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Wow charlotte...seeing how you start attacking everyone it makes me wonder why she would want to be friends with you in the first place. I didn't want to say anything before but yes you do seem shallow judging people by their weight. And guess what, I'm a guy whose not fat so surprise surprise, no sore spot hit here. You know, this forum is about advice, and advice sometimes means telling someone they are wrong, not just crying on their shoulder. Everyone is telling you the same thing, you don't maintain a no contact so your fault as well...let's see, you call her back, don't hang up on her, don't tell her straight what's up then you come here whining and moaning how "she" won't leave you alone...ridiculous
Blue Phoenix Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Ok little miss attitude 1st off I said you use her as some one to hang out with when none of your other friends are around. That dosent mean you go out with her lmao. 2ed my body size or race is nada in this conversation. Except maybe you being the shallow small mined person you are. With your rotten attitude its a mieracle you have any friends at all lol. Shes much better off with out you so do her a fav and just show your true colores im sure that will do the job!! And like another poaster said these bords are here to get advice its not always what you wanna hear but YOU asked for it! So stop putting people down when they give it to you.. HMMMM I guess I hit a sore spot calling you SHALLOW must have for you to attack me.. I agree with card this is compleatly ridiculous...
Carbine Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Wow charlotte...seeing how you start attacking everyone it makes me wonder why she would want to be friends with you in the first place. I didn't want to say anything before but yes you do seem shallow judging people by their weight. And guess what, I'm a guy whose not fat so surprise surprise, no sore spot hit here. You know, this forum is about advice, and advice sometimes means telling someone they are wrong, not just crying on their shoulder. Everyone is telling you the same thing, you don't maintain a no contact so your fault as well...let's see, you call her back, don't hang up on her, don't tell her straight what's up then you come here whining and moaning how "she" won't leave you alone...ridiculous Steady on! I think she's just being honest...if they've been friends that long, then you've gotta give Charlotte some credit for understanding why her friend acts a certain way. That being said, Charlotte certainly doesn't mince her words - so maybe that kind of brutal honesty is just what her 'friend' needs because she's obviously not responding to the gentle approach. It would be pointless to debate things with her, she'd just find a way to manipulate herself out of it. What she needs is a good "Listen, we've had some good times together in the past, but I think we've both moved on, but you just won't seem to let me go. I don't know about you but I'm not having such a hot time with you anymore, and to be honest babe, I'm just hanging out with you because I havent had the heart to tell you". (wait till she does something small to piss you off, then you've got a perfect excuse). Sorry, I know it sounds harsh but personally, I have no time for silly cows like charlotte's friend, who knowingly and unashamedly use people as a sounding board for their own emotional problems.
Reckless Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 I have had the (terrible) experience of a 'brutal' chat with a friend that was sapping my energy and causing me pain. I will never again just 'drift' into a relationship. Subtle doesn't work. As Carbine said you gotta do da nasty...in fact Carbine, Card, Kitty et al have given excellent advice. Not much to add really... 'I'm sorry, this friendship has run its course - please don't call me again' She masks her calls and you pick up by mistake after a 6 month abscense: 'I'm sorry X, as I said the last time I do no want to continue this friendship - please don't call me again' Repeat above as many times as necessary. Basta!
Blue Phoenix Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 --Sorry, I know it sounds harsh but personally, I have no time for silly cows like charlotte's friend--ignorance answered with more ignorance and intolerance great just what the world needs!!
luvtoto Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 I use to have a friend like that and in the end I ended up telling her to take a hike!! Me, too. When it's over, it's over. If I get emails from my x-friend, I will delete them before reading them. I have absolutely no interest in hearing anything she has to say. I wouldn't hesitate to hang up on her either.
LaughMachine Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 I think with friends we feel ( since they aren't boyfriends ) that we owe them every little bit of our energy. She was a good friend of yours who turned in to this over time and part of her always calling you is you making the chose to respond. She cleary isn't seeing anything that she is doing and It's about time you let it all out instead of just dropping her or avoiding her for a few weeks in time. If you let our your feelings she might play the guilt trip and make you feel bad but a friend like that would just get beyond under my nerves ! Tell her how you feel and hopefully the feelings will be mutual? In ending the friendship of course..
Blue Phoenix Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Yea I agree op when its over it should be over. And the parties involved should have enough guts to say its over and be done with it.But not cry and whine that she keeps bothering me when they keep calling back for more lmaooo..
LaughMachine Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 I meen friendships and relationships are based on the same things, principle level. If you come back crying to a friend, she isn't going to want you back. You gotta let her miss you in time and vice versa for relationships.
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