LarBear Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Hi, This is my first post. I have been driving myself crazy the last few days with this situation. Here's the scenario: There was a girl that I liked for a couple years and we never hooked up or dated. At first I didn't think that she was very interested, however after a year of casually knowing her and seeing her out, we ended up kissing one night last year. It didn't actually go past that until recently. For the last year I've just seen her out casually a few times but I was with friends and she was with friends. Every so often I would get a text message from her, but I didn't text back or if I did it would be something "lite". So just after Christmas (I'm single now), she texted me to wish me happy holidays. I texted back and she ended up coming over that night. It seemed to be a long time coming, and we ended up sleeping together right away. Normally I don't do that, but I had kind of liked her for a long time. We ended up spending the better part of the next week together(and having sex still too) and everything was great. She ended up telling me that she was scared and that she thinks that she could "totally fall in love" with me. She introduced me to a couple of her closest friends, one of which told me in confidence "You hurt her and I'll kill ya" and kind of laughed. She introduced me to her mom because they had car problems one day on the way home from work and she called me to help them out. So as far as I'm concerned, I'm "in" right????? Well, it gets more complicated; bare with me... She always texted me for the last week telling me that she "likes sleeping with me", "misses me", etc. She even invited me to meet her for lunch while she was at work (we work opposite schedules). So all of a sudden, she's distancing herself a bit and when I invite her to come over or to hang out she tells me "not tonight" and "I'm tired and already in bed". I feel like she's playing games with me because she'll text me asking me what I'm up to (as if she wanted me to hang out with her or get together) and then when I text her back saying I'm free do you wanna hang out, she texts back and says "not tonight". This has been going on for a few days. So in a nutshell, it went from: 1. I could fall in love with you 2. I miss you, like sleeping with you, etc 3. Sex everyday for a week 4. introducing me to her friends to pretty much wondering if she's still interested. She did call me earlier to ask if we were still getting together over the weekend. How do I turn the tables on her? Over the weekend when she was away from the table at the bar, her best friend tells me: "I like you so I'm going to tell you...the way to KEEP her is to BE UNAVAILABLE. DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF AVAILABLE TO HER." I am pretty sure that she's still interested, but I need to find a way to keep her interested and make sure that I don't make myself so available. It's hard not wanting to call her though, or to ignore her phone calls. I need advice bad.
Author LarBear Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 I really need advice. Please help me
tanbark813 Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 BE UNAVAILABLE. DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF AVAILABLE TO HER. Her friend told you how. I was actually going to say that very thing before reading it. Be MIA for a couple days. Don't always offer yourself up to hang out. Make her ask for it occasionally. Be the prize.
Pretty Fly Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Ok, so I have a question. How do you balance the "not being available" with her thinking you're not interested? That is, if I go "MIA" like you say, won't she start thinking, "oh he hasn't called or tried to get in touch, he's obviously not that interested" ? Or is this my male brain applying too much logic?
tanbark813 Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 won't she start thinking, "oh he hasn't called or tried to get in touch, he's obviously not that interested" ? No. Or is this my male brain applying too much logic? Yes. Don't totally avoid her, just be a little hard to get a hold of. Then when you do talk to her, be happy to hear from her. Reward the behavior you like to see.
Sand&Water Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 RE: LarBear, There are one -or two -mistakes you did during the early courting stage but, casting that plane aside, here is my advice: (1) Don't rush. It is not early dawn to collect the entire jug of milk, thus gradually date each other, IF you will, in an appropriate manner. (2) No drama. No Loser-Syndrome, or Douche-bag-Syndrome. Don't cave into your senses, by becoming her soft spot. (3) Be spontaneous. She will love you for this tactic. Spontaneity, doesn't mean making a fool out of yourself, or being on-hand 95% of the time. No. Be creative, and divide the time you spend with her accordingly. (4) IF you don't know what you're doing, as of right now -or in the near future, then: (a) Fake [ -or screw your head on right] it, till you make it. or (b) just forget about her, since a man without direction is a man destined to fail. Good Luck. Sand&Water
Pretty Fly Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 (3) Be spontaneous. She will love you for this tactic. Spontaneity, doesn't mean making a fool out of yourself, or being on-hand 95% of the time. No. Be creative, and divide the time you spend with her accordingly. Can you clarify what you mean by being spontaneous? Is this calling her up and saying let's go do this right now? Or is it doing stuff when you're with her: "hey let's go do this now" ? Or both? Or neither? How do you be spontaneous if you have to arrange to get together at a certain time on a certain day because you both have work or other commitments?
Author LarBear Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 Thanks for the advice. It seems to be going rather well the last couple of days. We went out for lunch yesterday. (She took a day off and I'm on furlough from work this month) and things seemed calm and good. Tonight I'm going to a concert at a club and she's supposed to meet me up there. I'm hoping this all works out!
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