kurtolios Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Hi, I'm 23 and my girlfriend's 21. I've been dating her for a little over 2 months now. I have a problem. My girlfriend only had one class today from 1 until 2. She had the rest of the day off. I was hoping that I would see her on MSN after dinner or something like that, maybe while she was doing homework. But around 8 I just decided to call her. It turns out she's not even home, and that she's out with 2 of her girlfriends and they're watching dvd's... I asked her if she was planning on calling and she just said no, because she was busy. I'm just wondering if anyone out there knows where I'm coming from, and that it's basically a question of courtesy. It's not that I don't trust her. But I don't want to keep looking at my phone or hanging around MSN hoping that I might be able to talk with her. And the thing is, I called back later asking if next time she could just tell me because it's courteous, she said she isn't going to tell me everything she does. I don't think she's getting it. It's almost the same thing as her calling her mom to let her know she'll be out for the night. I just feel if I go out with my friends, I could at least call for a minute to say hi and let her know I'll be busy.. That way she won't be checking every so often and hoping we might talk. I figure if there's no chance we'll talk for the evening, she could at least let me know.
Go_Chicago Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Hey there, Been there - done that (as the saying goes). Regardless of being in close proximity or in a Long Distance, set-up a schedule of calling so you two don't end up beating a dead horse to death. It sounds funny to set up a schedule, but trust me - I had four full time courses, 2 Teaching Assistance classes and extracurricular conferences while doing my Masters. No amount of the love in the world would have kept me on schedule for calling my mate when my brain was tied up. The schedule will MAKE your relationship and keep you BOTH sane when all is said and done. You can not argue about missed (phone) times if there is no structure. Yes, sometimes we do have to pencil eachother in. Don't get p*ssy with her, it will only make her resentful and you insecure. Just set up a schedule that works for you both and you can change it to reflect what works and what doesn't as time goes on. Cheers.
Star Gazer Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 You're NOT her mother though, are you? You're sitting around HOPING that you'll get a chance to talk to her... that's not about "courtesy" of knowing that she's safe (i.e., as she would do with her mother), that's about being needy and clingy.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 yeah i think u are being a little bit too clingy and she's probably feeling it. i understand u want to talk to her and its a good idea to maybe establish when ur going to talk on the phone if ur both busy. let her have her own life and u have ur own life too. don't just wait around to talk to her while she's out having fun with her friends, u go do the same thing! u have to have ur lives together and apart, thats what makes for a great relationship.
Author kurtolios Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 Ok, so I'm feeling I am being too clingy and not doing my own thing as much as I should be. Thanks for the input
stillbits12 Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Reading this, I'm worried about your usage of the term "girlfriend" after only dating for 2 months. Have you two talked about what the status of the relationship is? Or if there is even a status? I know of girls (including myself) who don't consider seeing someone for 2 months to be a "relationship." They most likely describe their dating partners as "the guy I've been seeing." It may even be that she doesn't consider this an exclusive relationship. If she doesn't consider this a relationship, it may explain why she hasn't put so much thought into telling you everything and why she wants her own space. She may consider this casual dating, for which it is not really necessary to keep the other person fully informed at this stage in a relationship. If you like this girl so much, give her a little room to figure out where she wants to stand in the relationship. Relationships have lives of their own; don't rush it, but also be open about it. Talk about it.
konfuzd Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Yes, you are asking far too much of her. At this early stage of the game. I don't think you have to justify your whereabouts to anyone unless you're living under the same roof. Some people just make plans on a whim, her girlfriend calls up and asks her to hang out, she shouldn't have to say, "oh, wait, let me check with my master first"... Unless she told you she was going to call at a specific time, or you had made plans, let it slide. You also have to know that girls have a sacred bond with eachother, her friends are gonna be the ones who offer her advice, a shoulder to cry on etc.. it's highly unlikely she's going to toss them aside for some chump she's been dating for 2 months.
Recommended Posts