Seks Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 I didn't think I would be posting on here asking for advice...just feel embarassed but here it is... When 2 people just started seeing each other...let's say the next meetup is in a week, is it unhealthy and unnecessary to be talking to each other on the phone every day until the meetup? I'm just wondering about the terms "clingy" and "needy" and the phrase "make her/him miss you" and if they come into play. My last relationship of 3.5 yrs ended 1.5 yrs ago. I guess I am trying to get back into the dating scene but it seems like I've "forgotten" the things I should/should not be doing during the seeing phase. Been talking to this girl on the phone for a few weeks leading up to the past weekend. Went out Fri and Sat nites...we had a great time...sat nite ended with a quick light good nite kiss. Last I talked to her was Tues noon. Called her again later on that Tues nite...no answer..just voice mail. OK..maybe she'll call me back. Waited an hour, nothing. Called her...left voice mail. No callback. Called her again 2 hrs later...no answer. I stopped. A friend is cautioning me that I may be at the beginning of a point where she got me hooked..ie whipped. Maybe I'm just overreacting..
Guest Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Well first of off, does she have your phone number? If so, then you shouldn't have called back so much that night. At this point, don't call her, she could have caller ID and is starting to get nervous about you calling so much. She also could have been busy or something when you called, so if you left her a message, then leave it at that. If she is interested, she'll call you back. Ever situtation is different, so I don't think there should be dating "rules", but just more a common sense thing. Calling her Tues afternoon was fine, but calling her again that evening might have been a bit too much. Basically, if she gives off a sense like she is that she likes you but is still not sure yet, you need to take it slow, a phone call a couple of times a week is fine, if you can tell she is into you and enjoys talking to you, then you could call more often, but you need to feel her out before you come on strong. Most important tip, if you leave a message, let her call you back (as long as you left your phone number that is). Don't keep calling her, it doesn't look good. Hope this helps.
amaysngrace Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 If you call you're suppose to wait to hear back from her. Not call her twice more. That's what it means to give someone space. If you don't give someone space you're a cling-on. Not a desirable thing to be. Please don't call her again until you hear from her at least once. Maybe she had something to do last night. She's allowed. I don't think you're whipped so much as you are being dumb here, no offense. She knows you exist. You went out with her twice. But if I were her I might be pleasant on the phone but somewhere in the back of my mind I'm gonna be thinking that you should really get a life.
CaliGuy Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 1 call after a date, the day or two after is fine. You tried far too many times to contact her. That doesn't mean that is what pushed her away. She just might not be into you, but pursuing a woman that way is just far, far too much. She knows you are interested. Continuing to contact her is fruitless. Let her come to you but don't put your eggs in one basket. Pursue other women. The right one will be just as into you as you are of her and there will be no pursuing games. You'll both want to see each other as much as you can. IME, women who don't make an attempt to contact you after a date, no matter how good you thought it went, just aren't interested. There are other women out there. Seek them out.
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 You called her FIVE TIMES in ONE DAY. Far, far, far too much. I am sorry to say this, but I don't think there's a way to repair that... that's beyond clingy.
Guest Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 You called her FIVE TIMES in ONE DAY. Far, far, far too much. I am sorry to say this, but I don't think there's a way to repair that... that's beyond clingy. Well, before the past weekend, I was only talking to her once a day...sometimes every 2-3 days. After the past weekend, talked to her twice a day...up until yesterday...when I called her 3 times last nite with no answer. So are you guys saying no more chances from her and she probably won't call me anymore? I'm not going to call her anymore. Me...I believe in dating only one girl at a time... I don't do this multiple people thing. That is how I've always been. I guess since we ended sat nite with a good nite kiss...and that leads me to believe she isn't dating anyone else (although coworker said that's still a posbility)
Author Seks Posted January 10, 2007 Author Posted January 10, 2007 ^^ sorry that was me above. When I said "I'm not going to call her anymore."...I meant, I'm not going to call her anymore until she calls me back I guess. We are supposed to do something this coming Sat.
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Well, before the past weekend, I was only talking to her once a day...sometimes every 2-3 days. After the past weekend, talked to her twice a day...up until yesterday...when I called her 3 times last nite with no answer. So are you guys saying no more chances from her and she probably won't call me anymore? I'm not going to call her anymore. Me...I believe in dating only one girl at a time... I don't do this multiple people thing. That is how I've always been. I guess since we ended sat nite with a good nite kiss...and that leads me to believe she isn't dating anyone else (although coworker said that's still a posbility) First, this is what you said about calling her: "Last I talked to her was Tues noon. Called her again later on that Tues nite...no answer..just voice mail. OK..maybe she'll call me back. Waited an hour, nothing. Called her...left voice mail. No callback. Called her again 2 hrs later...no answer. I stopped." Ok, so I was wrong, it was four times, not five. But that's still WAY TOO MUCH!!!!!!!! Just because you've kissed her does NOT mean you can assume ANYTHING. You can't assume she likes you. You can't assume you can call her 4 times a day. You can't assume she's not dating anyone else. You can't assume ANYTHING other than if you call her too much she will lose interest. Once you've demonstrated yourself to be clingy, needy, pathetic, desperate (which is what calling any more than ONE time in a day demonstrates at this VERY EARLY stage), it's very, very hard to repair that. DO NOT call her, period. If Saturday comes and goes without her contacting you, just learn from this and move on.
shawn_68 Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 So are you guys saying no more chances from her and she probably won't call me anymore? I'm not going to call her anymore. Hopefully, she will give you a call. But at this point, I wouldn't talk to her anymore than 2-3 times per week. I think you may have learned something valuable. In general, it is far better to be a bit of a challenge for a woman. This is particularly true in the early stages. It's just the way that romance works. Time apart is good. Good luck.
Author Seks Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 After not being in a relationship for 1.5 yrs, I've finally come across someone that has really caught my attention. And when I was with her or when I talk to her on the phone, there's that sense of tinglyness I feel. I've known about this "give a person time and space" from past relationships and pursue. I guess I was being stubborn and I let my emotions and feelings took over. Point taken: I'll not call her until she calls me. I'll keep you guys updated if things change. Thanks everyone for the slap in the face that I need.
Author Seks Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 Update: She called...our convo was nothing out of the ordinary. But this time, I let her go after 20 min. I did ask if she's still up for doing something this sat but she said she may have to stay home to help her mom with supper preparation for guest and she'll see about it. I just told her that's fine...and told her i'll talk to her later. So should I call her on Sat to see if she's still available...or should I just let her do the calling on Sat (if she does)?
amaysngrace Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 So should I call her on Sat to see if she's still available...or should I just let her do the calling on Sat (if she does)? Call her early in the day and see what's up. If she can't do anything let her know you're bummed but don't let on that it ruined your day. Meanwhile DO have a Plan B, in case things with her fall through. This way you won't be pretending and you won't be stuck at home cause you didn't make plans to go out somewhere else.
Guest Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Call her early in the day and see what's up. If she can't do anything let her know you're bummed but don't let on that it ruined your day. Meanwhile DO have a Plan B, in case things with her fall through. This way you won't be pretending and you won't be stuck at home cause you didn't make plans to go out somewhere else. I agree with "amaysngrace". You should call Sat early afternoon. Very good advice about having a back plan too, because we are here to help you and if she does say she can't I'm sure you are going to be disappointed and at least if you have a back up plan, you won't be so upset. Lots of luck. You handle the last phone conversation really well, and I'm sure that wasn't easy. Keep your head high, you'll find that special person, if it's her or someone else. Remember you deserve to be happy.
Author Seks Posted January 13, 2007 Author Posted January 13, 2007 Another update: I had a lasik eye surgery scheduled today...which went well. I went home in the afternoon to recuperate. She called me as soon as she got from work: how surgery go, what's going on, etc...normal convo. She asked me if i'm still up to do something tomorrow sat...i'm like..don't u have stuff to do tomorrow with the guests coing over. She goes no...they don't need my help. We haven't decided what we wanna do yet (she's doing her own thing tonite...and i have to recuperate tonite anyhow from surgery). I guess it's safe to say i can just call her up tomorrow and go from there?
dropdeadlegs Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Sure. It doesn't sound like she took the calls as being excessive, and you obviously learned from it (meaning don't do it again!) It is a fine line to be accessible, but not too accessible in the early dating stage. Congrats on your eye surgery. Hope you have a complete restoration of 20/20 vision!
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