kel30 Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Hi all, I've never tried forums like this before but I'm so sad and miserable that I would like to hear from you. I've been dating this guy for a year and a half and it's always been great. I'll try to make a long story short...I went overseas for a month (as I usually do every Christmas) and he kept emailing me saying please come back, you've been gone too long, I want to see you, etc. And, as expected, the day I got back he came to my house to see me and stayed with me like he said he would. The problem is..after New Year's Eve (that he spent with his 4 buddies...he's 25) he texted me once or twice to say Happy New Year, and then started ignoring me completely. No more phone calls, no nothing. I suppose his new year resolution was to ignore me, but WHY would he come see me on the 30th?? This is too evil, he could have ended while I was overseas or at least tell me what's going on when he came here.It would hurt a little less. Then I made the mistake to text him and ask if he was not talking to me anymore and he answered "sorry, you know me, I go through phases and been keeping to myself lately. what did you do for new years?" Then later he sent me some nice messages that pretty much sounded like mixed signals to me. Even though he texted me nice things, I don't expect much. I get the hint I'm really really sad. Just wanted to hear some other people's opinions about this situation...Thank you in advance
lorr Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Sorry I just need you to clarify, was this a committed and serious relationship?
Author kel30 Posted January 10, 2007 Author Posted January 10, 2007 Lorr, this is a problem too. It was if you consider we were not seeing anybody else. But it was not in that stage where you live together, he still goes out with his friends and I go out with mine, etc. And I "understand" if he wants out to "go live his life while he's young" but I just don't know why he would come see me and email so much until a week ago and then nothing..it sounds really mean to do something like that and he's not that kind of person. (and I don't want to text him or call him to make things worse). Hope this helps.
Distracted Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Kel-30- I'm sorry you are stuck in this limbo... my ex (at least I think he is my ex) is doing something similar to me right now... There was no fight, or major incident of any sort... just before Christmas he basically stopped talking and at this point I haven't said a word to him since New Year's Eve. And truthfully I'm in shock. I can't believe that someone who said he loved me just a few weeks ago could "break up" with me and not care enough to say it my face. And it's left me living in limbo because while my irrational side tells me that he hasn't said the words means he's not sure he wants to break up, while the rational side says that no one who wanted to be in a relationship would act this way.... anyways, so in trying to figure out the last few weeks I have read everything, asked friends, and waited for him to say SOMETHING... nothing yet. And that hurts and makes me hopeful at the same time- which is truly unfair. So my advice for what its worth... whether you choose to believe this is a break not a break-up or whether you treat it like a break-up give him and yourself some space to figure things out... either that distance will make him miss you or it won't and if it does not then nothing you could do could change things. I think texting and calling will only make you look needy... by cutting of contact for awhile you are taking control of your situation. You turn the tables... he is no longer ignoring you, you are moving on from him. Give people the benefit of the doubt... but if he reinforces that doubt with his actions, its time to stop making excuses for him... . And this truly does sucks... its so hard not to think of all the fun and wonderful times, how affectionate and caring he was... but at least for me, it helps when I keep reminding myself that how he was does not make up for how he is acting right now and we deserve to get back all the love and affection we give and nothing less...
Sand&Water Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 RE: Calm down, Kel30. Relax. You are dating the man, not engaged to him. As much as you would like for him to pay attention to you, and drop a call/visit every so often, this is not the case. The man is casually dating you; and not taking it too seriously, at the moment. You should do the same. Sink into your chair, feel the warmth, and entitlement to your life -and position as a woman with full control of her needs and desires. Let him be. Fretting, and over-analyzing the relationship, in the early stages, demeans the experience. Frightening, as well, when you begin to sound like a broken record due to the anxiety. IF he is heavily interested, he will pursue. Sparingly, contact him whenever you see the need to spend quality time with him. Otherwise, live your life. Warm Regards, Sand&Water
L-FUZZ Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 certainly let him have his space.. see if he contacts you . But dont be to eager to respond if he does. sounds like he will at some point. If you two have been dating as long as you have,, you certainly need to have a real break up talk at some point.. or maybe you should call him and break it off completly before he does. then you will have a clean clear cut. Heck that probably would send him running to your doorstep.,,
sunangel Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 There's nothing wrong with him going out with his friends, but NOTHING gives him the right to neglect you this way! Is this guy really worth you stressing over? If he's not spending any time with you and would rather be with his buddies than maybe he should just be single. Yes, you left for a month and i'm sure he really missed you.... But then why give you the cold shoulder, and play mind games with you. He's sure not acting like he's 25. Don't put up with this! Life is too short........
Author kel30 Posted January 10, 2007 Author Posted January 10, 2007 Thank you everybody. This helps a lot. As much as I feel like calling and asking for a clean break up or "explanation" I will not! I'll give it some time... and thank you again for your responses. Distracted, good luck on your case...keep me posted, I guess we feel exactly the same!
Distracted Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 kel-30- It certainly is hard living in limbo and honestly as more time passes without a call I feel like I am getting my answer from him in the most immature fashion imaginable. That and he appolgized to my friends the other night for treating me badly and not talking to me directly- to them mind you not to me! So the lastest update is that I have to decide whether I want to go to a place this weekend where I'm fairly assured of seeing him. And for multiple reasons I'm not sure that it would be a good idea. It would be breaking NC and its really going to suck if I go and he is there and still says nothing. I know the NC part says I should go somewhere else but I hate feeling like I can't go somewhere simply because he might show up. So its a decision that I'm stressing over at the moment. Do you considered yourself to be in a serious relationship with him? A year and half is a long time to be together especially exclusively. Do you have mutual friends that can shed some light?
Author kel30 Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 Distracted, ok here's the news...he finally called and came talk to me after exactly 12 days of no contact! I guess I did overreact but, as you said before, the limbo situation for someone that talks everyday is a little strange. He explained he was thinking about what to do with his life, if he moves back to his hometown or not, job issues and so on. I completely understand. As much as I want to consider it a serious relationship, I don't know if I can! He said he hasn't seen any girls since he met me and I chose to believe that, but, in reality, I'll never know. I know all of his friends and he knows mine but there's not a specific person (a mutual friend let's say) that could shed a light in any situation. I guess I'll just hope for the best and that one day we can go from this casual situation to a more serious relationship. If not, I know where to find some advice now! Like everybody else said, I'll live my life (sounds obvious but sometimes we forget to do that and need some friendly words) and we'll keep on seeing each other, but I'll try to be more prepared for situations like this. As for your situation...who am I to say anything, but if I were you, I would wait to go to this place he hangs out at, maybe if you REALLY want to do this, do it next week. As much as it hurts to have no contact, an extra week might do wonders. And if you end up going, take your girls with you for moral support! Let me know what happens and good luck for now!
Recommended Posts