Lauriebell82 Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 ok everyone i need some advice: first of all i have a wonderful boyfriend who i have been with for like 4 1/2 months. we casually dated for month or so before becoming exclusive and then slept together after we became a couple. we are fairly serious now..very much in love..but over the past few weeks i have noticed something weird. he seems to be gettin bored in having sex with me. he still initiates it but for some reason he doesnt seem to be getting as excited about the whole thing as he used to. is he just getting bored? i mean everything else in our relationship is awesome..we get along great, have an awesome time together, rarely fight..ect. another little background tidbit: he has only had one other serious long term relationship and that was 4 years ago, but he was at college so he didnt see her that often and they didnt have sex on a regular basis. the other girls he slept with were more of a short term casual thing so i am the only girl he has been with for an extended period of time and had regular sex with (4-5 times a week). my question to all of u is this: what in the world is wrong with this kid? he still initiates sex all the time, but seems to not get as excited about the whole thing as he used to (he still gets off though). i think the sex is still wonderful but i'm worried he doesnt. should i talk to him about this? guy's especially, has this ever happened to u? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
Kinger25 Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 I cant speak for your BF but I would say to you not to worry about this too much at the moment. If he is still initiating sex then he can't be that bored. Maybe he would like you to make the first move once in a while. I know from past experience that it can get very tiring being the sole initiator all of the time. Are you making an equal effort to turn him on as he is to you? Also it may be that he just settling into his relationship with you nicely. We all know that at the beginning of a partnership the sex is electric. The butterflies in the stomach, the goosebumps on your arm when he so much as brushes past you, the racing heart and the heightened arousal. We've all been there !! After a little while though, the relationship begins to progress in other ways. It becomes less to do with the intimacy and more to do with getting to know eachother. Sex is always a bonus but spending time together and communicating becomes just as crucial at this period of the relationship. He may feel that he has become or is becoming quite comfortable being around you. He probably enjoys your company and sees a future in your relationship and has adjusted into a period of calmess and settlement. The sex I am sure will pick up again, but for the moment I would say to you to just enjoy being with him. Enjoy the time that you have together and use it to find out about him and what he enjoys (in AND out of the bedroom !!) Give it some time and just go with the flow. These are sacred and precious moments in your relationship that don't re-appear again. This is the beginning. Relax and enjoy it. The honeymoon period soon fades. If you still feel concerned about this after a little time then try and approach the subject with him, but be careful how you broach it. You dont want to come across as insecure and you certainly dont want to offend or be-little him. You should be comfortable enough with eachother to talk about it if necessary.
Poboy Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 what do you mean by getting bored , not excited ... your perspective looking at it might be different from his ...
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 10, 2007 Author Posted January 10, 2007 what do u mean it might be different? i'm just worried that he isnt as excited about sex as he used to be, and if that is the case than i need to do something about it or talk to him i dont know. i'm so confused!
Poboy Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 well if you have a doubt , clear it ... talk to him
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 new update: my boyfriend now isnt as interested in having sex at night before we go to sleep. apparently he gets more excited when we have sex during the day or just spontaneously when i first get to his apartment or something. he says he's "too tired", which i dont know if thats BS or not. he still initiates it but not nearly as much as he used to. i read an article that says that when guys settle into a relationship they don't try to have sex constantly because they can get it anytime they want, as when they are single they never know when they are going to get laid next so they are horny constantly. could this be what is happening? and what can i do about it? last night my boyfreind said he was just too exausted, and i was very disapointed because i'm going back to college so i wont see him till next weekend. i feel rejected, like he doesnt want to have sex with me as much. maybe i want it too much, but i'm so attracted to him and i love him with all my heart so i do want to be with him a lot..and he used to do the same thing. PLEASE HELP ME i'm so upset and confused.
RocketMan2 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Is there any reason he should be more tired lately? New job, exams? If everything else is fine, then don't let it worry you, but it might be the start of something worse so i'd try and nip it in the bud. I think you should start initiating it! If its just him-doing-you all the time maybe he feels like you arent interested in him, which is a real confidence downer. Why not try making a nice evening of it? Pick a day when you know he wont be tired, make sure you get some time alone, get some sexy undies and give him a treat Im sure you know what he likes you doing best, so focus on those things and maybe try a few new things too? Tell him how much you enjoy it, rather than how much you miss it Good luck, keep us posted
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 he seems to be gettin bored in having sex with me. he still initiates it but for some reason he doesnt seem to be getting as excited about the whole thing as he used to. is he just getting bored? i mean everything else in our relationship is awesome..we get along great, have an awesome time together, rarely fight..ect. This sounds strangely familiar... I have been in this situation so I talked to my guy and asked him what was going on and I had the answer back that he wanted to take things a bit more slow as he was not ready for certain things with each other that he thought he was ready for. He didn't want to screw up the relationship by rushing into something so fast. Maybe thats how your guy feels too...
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 he has the cpa exam coming up in a couple weeks so he is probably stressed about that..i'm thinking about talking to him about it but i'm scared of what he is going to say. do u think i should ask him about it or just see what happens after his exam is over? i was also seeing him everyday so he was real exausted at the end of the night. i am now back at school so we are only going to see each other on the weekends again so maybe i'll just see how this weekend goes. do u think i should talk to him about it before then or just wait?
Walk Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I think you might be over reacting right now. You said he's really stressed already about this CPA exam. That he's working full time, trying to study for this exam, and still have time to spend with you. Seriously, he probably is exhausted. I understand how you would think he's not as interested. Any time a relationship starts to deviate from the norm, I think most people get a little freaked out about it. But I think he does have a legitimate (unrelated to you) reason for why he's maybe not as "interested" in sex as he has been in the past. I think as soon as this cpa exam is over, he'll be crawling all over you again. You'll probably be back on here complaining that all he wants is sex with you. Also.. I'm not sure what the context of the conversation you had with him was.. but it sounds like he was trying to offer a comprimise as far as sex. Maybe it was his way of asking for your help right now? Asking you to create the mood during the afternoons that you're there because he's having a hard time not letting stress and exhaustion get the better of him. Most men aren't going to come out and admit they're having a hard time getting it up even if they are dead tired, and wigged out by stress. They shield their ego's by saying they would rather have it X way... instead of just saying "I'm having a problem unrelated to you and I need you to help me get past it".
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