Pretty Fly Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Ok, I'm a guy and when I've chatted to ex's who have split up with me a while after it's over and I've asked, for the sake of learning something from it, what made you decide that that was what they wanted to do, the majority of the time, the answer has been that they thought I wasn't that interested as I wasn't making enough of an effort. However, the case is usually that I'm very interested, but don't want to scare them off by smothering them! So, what's people's opinions on this: You've met a girl, you're at the point where she's stayed over for the 1st time, give me some examples of how often calling too much is and too little is. And girls, what's the symptoms of being smothered and the guy being needy, as obviously I need to up my game a bit, but don't want to go too far. Cheers
Kinger25 Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 I think you have to follow your heart a bit when it comes to starting point of a relationship. If you really like the girl and think that there might be a future in it then you have to have a happy medium. As a chick, I would say that I like a guy to show a fair bit of interest in me at the beginning of a relationship. I remember when I met my current BF about 1 1/2 years ago. He used to ring me up at random times of the day saying things like "I just wanted to thank you for a great weekend" or "I'm really missing your company and cant wait to be with you again" He would buy me little gifts and cook me meals. One day he left a rose on the doorstep for me. Silly little things like that which actually made a difference to me. I must admit I was a bit overwhelmed by his attention as I had never been treated so well before. My Ex BF was emotionally retarded and wouldn't know romance if it bit him in the ass. Just go with the flow and take things as they come. Show a certain amount of interest and make a bit of effort but dont go too over the top. Girls love attention at the end of the day !!
stupid_girl Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Yes, girls aren't like guys in this department. If you want to talk to her, call her up and tell her so. I am with a guy right now, and sometimes he acts like he wants me, and then he flips around and acts like he doesn't care at all. It frustrates the snot out of me!!!
Walk Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I don't think it's a good idea to buy gifts for a woman in the early stages of dating. I think it sets the tone for the whole relationship. Less costly things that would make her more comfortable while being with you are fine, but no need to be dropping a ton of money on gifts to "buy her love". I start to believe a guy's not interested when I call and leave a message and it takes him a day or several days to call me back. I don't expect immediate action if he's busy, but at least treat me with enough respect to give me a two minute call sometime during the day to let me know you got the message. If you're busy, just say so, maybe give me an estimate on when you'll be free again if it's going to be several days. Otherwise, I start to think you're avoiding me, and I'll find someone more interested in being with me. I think the biggest part in all this is communication. If you're unsure of what her actions are saying, then ask. If you want to see her, then ask. If you need time alone, then say so. The times you'll run into problems with this is if she says she is busy, or needs time alone, and you disregard her wishes and keep calling her even if she's said she can't talk, or doesn't want to. Ask honest questions, and really listen to what she says and respect her enough to follow through on what she's said she needs from you. (either more, or less action on your part.) The times I run into problems with men is when they stop listening to what I've said I need. Either time to do my own thing when I've said I needed it, or by calling more often when I've said I needed that. They just did their own thing irregardless of how I felt about the situation. That's when I lose interest and walk away from a guy. For instance. I dated a guy for a while that would very rarely call me. I expressed a desire to hear from him more often. He said he was too busy. Which was fine, then we can comprimise. But he always found time when he wanted something from me, but never when I wanted to spend time with him. He wasn't willing to comprimise, and acted without regard to my feelings and thoughts. So I dumped him.
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