Guest Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Hello. I have been in a LDR with MM for about three months. I have not seen him since the end of October, and have been planning a trip for the last month. I will have to travel across two states and had to take extra time off work--so not an easy task. When plans were made, I was going to get 2 whole days with him. Then W's schedule changed, so then was only going to get part of one day...(maybe 14 hours). He just called and said that his sister might come down and spend the weekend with them... this means that he would not be able to get away to see me...then said would try to find out and let me know.. but didn't want me to drive all that way and not get to see him. I really want to see him (even if only for a little while). I just don't know if he is saying that because he doesn't want me to come and is just trying to spare my feelings, or if really genuine and doesn't want me to waste 4 days driving... The real kicker is that I wanted to talk to him face to face about where our R is headed... It is still so new--- any advice on whether I should go anyway on the chance that i may see him would be greatly appreciated... thanks...
norajane Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Where your relationship is headed? Nowhere, sweets. He will maintain it as long as it doesn't get in the way of his marriage. Obviously, he wants to remain married or he'd have left his wife. Obviously, he doesn't want her to know about you, or he'd be able to see you when you went out there. Obviously, it is more important to you to see him and spend time with him, than it is for him. You're only 3 months into this and it's long distance. Get out of this now before you waste years of your life on a man who already has a marriage and a life without you. Stop fooling yourself into thinking he's going to leave his wife for you. Stop letting his long distance words do your thinking for you - you can see for yourself what his actions are...he puts you last on his list of priorities. His wife and family are second. He puts himself first.
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 You're wasting time on a married man who is giving you table scraps, as little time as possible...You come last it seems and sadly, you're sitting there putting up with it while he lives his life happily. BREAK UP WITH HIM completely and move on, find a single guy who will put you first, not last. This MM isn't worth the energy, time or effort. Good advice from NJ, please listen to her!!
kymberann Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Save your self the gas money! Better yet, take a vacation all your own! WHy waste the trip on him based on a chance happening? Although if you do go and see him and he puts you off that may give you MORE incentive to end it! Best
lorr Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Where your relationship is headed? Nowhere, sweets. He will maintain it as long as it doesn't get in the way of his marriage. Obviously, he wants to remain married or he'd have left his wife. Obviously, he doesn't want her to know about you, or he'd be able to see you when you went out there. Obviously, it is more important to you to see him and spend time with him, than it is for him. You're only 3 months into this and it's long distance. Get out of this now before you waste years of your life on a man who already has a marriage and a life without you. Stop fooling yourself into thinking he's going to leave his wife for you. Stop letting his long distance words do your thinking for you - you can see for yourself what his actions are...he puts you last on his list of priorities. His wife and family are second. He puts himself first. I second that also! If anything he's having the last laugh, and sees you as a fool!Sorry but theres no way in hell that he's going to leave his wife for you.
kimi2362 Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Hello. I have been in a LDR with MM for about three months. I have not seen him since the end of October, and have been planning a trip for the last month. I will have to travel across two states and had to take extra time off work--so not an easy task. When plans were made, I was going to get 2 whole days with him. Then W's schedule changed, so then was only going to get part of one day...(maybe 14 hours). He just called and said that his sister might come down and spend the weekend with them... this means that he would not be able to get away to see me...then said would try to find out and let me know.. but didn't want me to drive all that way and not get to see him. I really want to see him (even if only for a little while). I just don't know if he is saying that because he doesn't want me to come and is just trying to spare my feelings, or if really genuine and doesn't want me to waste 4 days driving... The real kicker is that I wanted to talk to him face to face about where our R is headed... It is still so new--- any advice on whether I should go anyway on the chance that i may see him would be greatly appreciated... thanks... Are you serious?! Unless this man was leaving his wife and putting a serious ring on my finger...than I may go...Knowhaimean?
silktricks Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Don't waste your money, your gas, nor your time. It sounds (to me) like he is having seconds thoughts about the relationship. Let it go. Instead of spending days driving out to see him for a few minutes at best, why don't you do something really fun for yourself? Fly (or drive) somewhere exciting!.
frannie Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Hello. I have been in a LDR with MM for about three months. I have not seen him since the end of October, and have been planning a trip for the last month. I will have to travel across two states and had to take extra time off work--so not an easy task. When plans were made, I was going to get 2 whole days with him. Then W's schedule changed, so then was only going to get part of one day...(maybe 14 hours). He just called and said that his sister might come down and spend the weekend with them... this means that he would not be able to get away to see me...then said would try to find out and let me know.. but didn't want me to drive all that way and not get to see him. I really want to see him (even if only for a little while). I just don't know if he is saying that because he doesn't want me to come and is just trying to spare my feelings, or if really genuine and doesn't want me to waste 4 days driving... The real kicker is that I wanted to talk to him face to face about where our R is headed... It is still so new--- any advice on whether I should go anyway on the chance that i may see him would be greatly appreciated... thanks... Ask yourself if you want to still be doing this in three years time (which is where I am now). I can't really say, 'oh don't go'... I was involved in a very LDR with my MM, an EA only for the first year. And three months into it one of my friends said: oh get out now, you'll only get hurt. I knew that, but I continued anyway. And it's been a slog. And most of the time, they go nowhere, and mine still may not. My point is that people will say don't do it, but you might well just go right ahead anyway, just like I did. I'd just say, ask yourself some difficult questions about the reality of the situation and whether you want to be doing this for years. And if not, then lay it on the line to him: no 4-day drives just to see him for a few hours. You're selling yourself WAY too short. Let him do some talking about what his intentions are, and then see if he follows through on anything. Even so, you could be in for a long, hard time. And driving 4 days will seem like the easiest part.
Guest Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 "I'd just say, ask yourself some difficult questions about the reality of the situation and whether you want to be doing this for years. And if not, then lay it on the line to him: no 4-day drives just to see him for a few hours. You're selling yourself WAY too short. Let him do some talking about what his intentions are, and then see if he follows through on anything." the questioning of myself is all that I have been doing the past month. It is difficult to have that kind of conversation over the phone which is one reason that I want to see him in person. another, is to see if the person that is in my head is the real him--most likely not. we haven't taken it physical and won't as long as he is still legally bound to someone else. Frannie, thank you for your reply. I appreciate your candor and opinion.
puddleofmud Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I would let him know that you are sorry that he is so busy and tell him that HE can drive for those days and hours to see YOU WHERE YOU ARE. Or if not, you are available on "such and such day" at "such and such time" and that you will see him then. If he really wants to be with you, then he will!
GreenEyedLady Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 I hate to say this, but it sounds like he doesn't want you to go...I know how much you want to see him, but I think that he probably can't risk it for whatever reason...don't spend the money only to find out that he won't be available at ALL...It's your choice of course, but it doesn't sound good...
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