Guest Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 My ex and I broke up about a month ago. We were living together so I packed up all my things and moved. Two weeks after we broke up we briefly rekindled, were intimate, he told me he loved me and wanted me back. I told him I was leaving and that was that. He can't break up with me and then decide he wants me back so soon. Since then, I've only talked to him a few times. He owes me quite a bit of money so I've had to call him and sort all of that out. I am still waiting on the check and I'm trying to not speak with him so having to call him to sort all this money business out is really painful. He called me on Christmas and told me how much he loved me and how much he misses me. It is really painful because I miss him too and I still love him.. But I know that NC is for the best right now. We had our problems and our serious issues .. No matter how crazy we are for each other our relationship could not have proceeded like it had been proceeding. He was going out all the time. I was resentful for him doing so. We were fighting frequently. I understand that he is still in a period of his life where he needs to go out with his friends and do his own thing. Living together was too big of a step for the two of us and it just wasn't working out. Anyways, I've had strong urges to call and I still have to call about the money! I just don't know what to say to him when I do call. Maybe I should just call the money a loss and continue firm NC? I could just use a little help and support. Thanks
sunangel Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 I am in your same situation..... Except for the oweing of the money. In my opinion the NC has been working! Men sometimes only get the point when your strong and stick to it! If you completely dissapear for a while he's really gonna get the point! But keep in mind that if you do seperate yourself make sure to be serious about it. Show him that your not playing around, and that your someone to be taken serious. If he wants to party then let him do so.... Eventually he'll get tired of that lifestyle, and I bet he'll come running back. Maybe you two will rekindle the realtionship and maybe you won't. Remember your conscious is clean! If anyone is gonna lose, it's HIM! Concentrate on yourself, and do things for YOU...... Good Luck
Distracted Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 I had a similar situation about a year ago... broke up with my live-in boyfriend because he was constantly going out with his friends, staying out all night without bothering to call and let me know he was ok, he'd borrowed a bunch of money from me and was generally taking me for granted. When we finally broke up I had two things going through my head... first I wanted him back so I didn't really want to ask him for the money because I didn't want to push him further away, and on the other hand the fact he wasn't paying it back was another sign of him taking advantage of my love. I gave it some time expecting that he would eventually do the right thing... didn't happen. The truth is people like that will take advantage of who ever lets them for as long as that person allows it to happen. If you want to be in a relationship with him you have to hold on to your dignity and stop letting him take that advantage- otherwise you will never be happy and he will never stop doing the things that are driving you crazy. And every time you contact him it shows him he is still in control and does not have to respect you because you don't respect yourself enough to walk away. If your absence doesn't make him change, doesn't make him want to give you the respect you deserve you should get on with your life and give up on getting the money back, or you can take him to court. I ended up walking way, but I learned a really important if sucky lesson- if you want people to treat you as a prize you have to act like one not just be one... acting like a doormat (as I was) will only get you walked all over... and if this sounds harsh I appolgize, but I wish someone had been brutally honest with me a year ago and that I had wasted less time waiting for my ex to change. I hope yours can, and I wish you the very best of luck...
SuziwithaQ Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 "if you want people to treat you as a prize you have to act like one not just be one... acting like a doormat (as I was) will only get you walked all over..." This is great advice--something I need to learn and keep hearing! I'm contemplating the NC route too so this advice is helpful. Guest, if you're interested, read my situation (My heart is breaking and I'm driving myself crazy). It may help to realize how many of us are truly in similar situations. Good luck to you and keep us informed.
lorr Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 I have to say that you are doing really well with NC, and IMO don't let your ex spoil this for you. Right now you have to decide whether or not the money that he owes you is your main priority right now. I know it sucks when money is involved, and all I can say is that if you can live without the money then so be it. But realistically I wouldn't hold my breath if he's taking that long to give back whats rightfully yours even though you had helped him out. Its not worth contacting him after this. If he was really interested and had any decency in giving you back the money then he would, and even if he had difficulty getting the money together he would have kept you informed of what was happening. Put it this way if the bank or the taxman started phoning/emailing him about money that he owes believe me they would have gotten the money ages ago.
ash519 Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Hi- To the guest and others saying there S.O. went out too much, how much was too much? How often did your SO's go out?
sunangel Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Dear guest, I just realized that you have written " I am weak" as part of your topic........ If you keep telling yourself that your weak than you will be!!! Be positive ,and tell yourself you can do this!
Guest Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Thank you all for the helpful advice. I do want to remain firm on the NC but the money is important to me right now unfortunately. I wish it wasn't but I really do need it back. As far as him going out too much - he would go out every night on the weekends and at least two nights on the weekdays. Sometimes he would stay out all night, spend the night at his friends house (no drunk driving at least). But it left me feeling really awkward and jealous. I told him how I felt about it and he agreed not to do it anymore. Then he said he couldn't. So I told him - fine, you can do whatever you want and I will do whatever I want and we'll leave it at that. Well he didn't like that! I love going out.. but not every night! It gets old and I get tired. So I felt as if he didn't want me to come along.. and when I did I felt weird. He didn't introduce me to everyone. I got paranoid about the whole situation. Anyways.. The bottom line is that when we were together it was magic. But when he started going out more and more, that is when the major fighting started. Unfortunate. I am going to be strong in this NC thing. I just wish I could send some third party to razz him about my damn money!
lorr Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 If you really need the money that bad, could you not get a family member or friend to intervene on your behalf? If the worst comes to the worst you may have to take it to court.
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