Fly My Pretties Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 frannie, I've noticed a lot of your replies in other topics and you do give well thought out responses. You seem to be very "aware" of your situation. But I actually think you are unusual in this regard. Not so much on this board, but there are other forums where there is a very strong sense of entitlement on the OWs part.
frannie Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Why are we wired like that? Why can't we just back off when we find out that the person who has been flirting with you already has a partner? Is it just because we love the attention and presumably aren't getting it elsewhere? Is it because it is taboo? Is it because we've all been raised on soap operas and drama, and as such, unwittingly crave it for ourselves? Things would be so much easier if "no" wasn't so hard to say. Wyvie I don't know, but I don't feel like that. I don't find it hard at all to say 'no' and tell someone to take a hike. Do you feel that way..?
frannie Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 frannie, I've noticed a lot of your replies in other topics and you do give well thought out responses. You seem to be very "aware" of your situation. But I actually think you are unusual in this regard. Not so much on this board, but there are other forums where there is a very strong sense of entitlement on the OWs part. I think I know the other place you mean, and I don't post there because I don't like some of the atmosphere over there. Actually I think that place breeds a kind of blase attitude to infidelity which I just don't agree with. Not wishing to excuse it, but I do think that that attidude is something of a reaction to being constantly brow-beaten about what 'lowlife' we must be for engaging with a married person. Give a dog a bad name, and all that.
Fly My Pretties Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I think I know the other place you mean, and I don't post there because I don't like some of the atmosphere over there. Actually I think that place breeds a kind of blase attitude to infidelity which I just don't agree with. Not wishing to excuse it, but I do think that that attidude is something of a reaction to being constantly brow-beaten about what 'lowlife' we must be for engaging with a married person. Give a dog a bad name, and all that. Yes, I haven't read there extensively - I stumbled across it because of a Google search on divorce and that site came up. Because it is solely based on infidelity it isn't relevant to my situation and I dismissed it. But I idled away an hour or so that day looking over some posts. Very different from here, I hear what you're saying about their attitude being a reaction, but it could also be a bit chicken and egg.... because they DO come across as very trailer-trash. Debate like this isn't possible there, it becomes a playground mentality. By now, you would have insisted I was a BS and I'd be calling you all the names under the sun
noforgiveness Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I think there's a lot of defensiveness on here because OW are constantly being attacked. We're always being ASKED to defend our position almost every time we post. And yes, I do cheerfully tell people about my MM. I'm not ashamed of anything I'm doing, while at the same time I really don't like being in this situation, and I don't like what he's doing. But while other people may not like it, it IS a fact that it's the MM who is betraying his wife, disregarding his marriage vows, telling lies, commiting infidelity. I'm in no way denying my part in that, but let's just remember who is the married person once in a while. The only reason I do feel somewhat uncertain about introducing MM to others is because I don't want them to think badly of him, and pity me for being in a stupid situation. Nothing to do with hiding from 'society' whoever they are. Most people have something in their cupboards they don't want the world to see: you get old enough and you realise that about life. You just got done discussing in another thread how your family hasn't met him and doesn't know. You just got done talking about the little charade you will play about when ou met after he gets separated when it's time to introduce him to your family and friends. So which is it? Are you ashamed to tell your family you've been with a married man for THREE years or not??
stillhere Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 You just got done discussing in another thread how your family hasn't met him and doesn't know. You just got done talking about the little charade you will play about when ou met after he gets separated when it's time to introduce him to your family and friends. So which is it? Are you ashamed to tell your family you've been with a married man for THREE years or not?? Wrong person!!!!
noforgiveness Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Wrong person!!!! Ummm no it's not. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1047782&postcount=288
frannie Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 You just got done discussing in another thread how your family hasn't met him and doesn't know. You just got done talking about the little charade you will play about when ou met after he gets separated when it's time to introduce him to your family and friends. So which is it? Are you ashamed to tell your family you've been with a married man for THREE years or not?? No, I'm not ashamed to tell them. The reasons for not telling particular people are because obviously if some people know more than others there will be questions asked. The only people who have met MM are people who can be trusted not to accidentally say something to his family/children if they met: i.e. very close friends. If there was anyone in my life who I thought couldn't accept me (or him) because of how we got together I'd cheerfully cut them out of my life, whoever they are. HIS CHILDREN however, are a very different proposition. Yes, affairs result in a lot of lies, and yes that's bad. But no, I'm not ashamed. Lies aren't there because of shame, but for other reasons.
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I think morals (and/or personal values) are relative to the individual. We all have varying degrees of what we consider to be appropriate and inappropriate conduct from ourselves and others. But where we shortchange ourselves and everyone else is when we lack the strength of character and integrity to live up to our own personal standards when it's not so easy or convenient to do so. While we're still proud to hold our morals up to the world and ask others to recognize and respect them, it's hard to be taken seriously if we're acting in direct contradiction to the beliefs we claim to place so much value and significance in. For instance, it wouldn't necessarily make me "immoral" if I found it perfectly acceptable (within my own code of ethics) to cheat on my partner under certain circumstances … So long as I found it perfectly ethical and 'moral' for him to do the same. Similarly, if my moral constructs were such that I found nothing wrong with having relationships with married people, than I could not begrudge someone else, who shared similar beliefs, the right to engage in the same behavior with my spouse. To not act in accordance with my own values and belief system is what would make me "immoral." If not to the rest of the world … than at least to me. And the only person I'd really be betraying is myself. At the end of the day, THAT'S who I've got to live with.
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