ratingsguy Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 My MW is now separated and living away from home 3 nights a week (most of you guys are familiar with my situation). We typically spend 1 or 2 of those 3 nights together, either going out or staying in... but I don't spend the night... not yet anyway. And I'm completely fine with that. We're both very strongly attracted to one another and always make the most of our time together. She told me today that she wants to take things slowly because she's just getting used to having all this freedom. She told me that she wants time to herself to grow, to reflect and brainstorm. She also wants to spend time with her sisters and friends. We will probably see each other once a week. I don't think that's unusual considering that she was in a marriage for 21 years, and consequently she's going through a lot of emotions right now. So I can appreciate her wanting some space. It's unrealistic for us to spend every night she has free together. (Or is it?) She said that she wants us to last, but if we move too fast she may never get another opportunity to experience this new found freedom. For me, it is kind of depressing because all I can think about lately is her. I miss her so much when we're not together. I guess now that she's more available, I'd like to see her more. Anyway, I'm just feeling kind of depressed.
sadbuttrue Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 i am sorry you are depressed rg. it kind of sounds like she has discovered a new life now with more freedom. she isnt talking about seeing other people is she? i can see where her new freedom would worry you.
pricillia Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 It is natural to feel depressed if someone pulls away a little bit, give her a little space, the best thing that you can do for you and her right now is live your life, and when you are toghether enjoy eachother. Hang in there, she has taken a step she left him... don't push to hard just support her right now.
puddleofmud Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Sorry you are feeling down--and I do agree you have some right to feel this way--as you had expectations, I suppose. Who would not? This may mean little as she is just leaving a LT relationship which may have left her feeling "strangulated". However, was "once a week" what you BOTH wanted from this freedom? I would validate your feelings about that one--it would seem that the newly found freedom would be much about passion and discovery--dating, courting, spending time w/ each other. Once a week seems more like having an "affair". Maybe a good sit-down is in order for both of you to discuss your feelings? I do NOT wish to place negative thoughts in your mind but one would want to have some frequent fun with each other, seems! If that is how you are feeling all you can do is talk about where things are headed "NOW"--and I truly hope that is in your direction as you deserve this so much!
Author ratingsguy Posted January 10, 2007 Author Posted January 10, 2007 ...she isnt talking about seeing other people is she? No she isn't, and I don't think she intends to, considering how close we are. I guess I'm just sad over the fact that now she has more time to herself, it won't all be spent together. She needs time to herself during this somewhat emotional time. That being said, I understand and all I can do is be patient and supportive.
sadbuttrue Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 dont let this get you down too much, like someone else said, she did leave, that is a huge step
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 She's putting herself first for a while, she needs to find herself, be independant and LIVE... I'm sure in a way you were expecting more from her, spend time together and enjoy being together instead of hiding .. Things could be more open. Give it time and see how it goes. Let her MISS you...Let her chase you.
oyster Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 she came off a very long term relationship. think about her and forget about yourself for a while, no matter how painful it is. Just make sure she is not socializing with other men. (start of emotional affair). let her do her thing, do your thing and wait for her to come back fully.
frannie Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Just wanted to add my support and say I know it must be really hard to see her so seldom after all you've been through. But she's probably right to give herself some space and time to recover, very wise. Try to distract yourself with other things in life for the time being, and be loving and supportive when she needs it. And look forward to the time when she comes back refreshed
Author ratingsguy Posted January 10, 2007 Author Posted January 10, 2007 Thanks everyone for your support. I understand that it's important to give her some time, and I've told her as much. It doesn't worry me, because I do trust her, but it does sadden me that more time won't be spent together... at least not right now. But we are making steps in the right direction. This whole process can be quite painful, but I should realize that there are other people here who would kill to be in my position right now. Like I told my xMW, absence does makes the heart grow fonder. What I didn't tell her is that it hurts in the meantime.
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