Lostandfound Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 Somehow today I found myself talking to my ex, CRAZY I KNOW, but it happened. This is the EX who said she was fearful of losing me, and going through a nasty breakdown of the realtionship in the future, and putting her kids through hell again, as her past 2 relationshoips ended badly, though her exs, treating her really badly, I never have and she reminded me of this today I reived a sms from her today in replay to a sms conversation we had about Kings Day last week. She said that the kings had not brought her anything, as she has been bad, and that she only wants one gift. I did not reply. She then about half an hour later sent the same messsage again, but changed a couple of the words, but not really significantly, only to say that she was feeling really sad, and down. I did not reply. Then half an hour later, i received another saying that she had boooked a mini break for her and her 2 daughters alone, in our favourite place, and that there are only 3 of them going in accomodation sleeping 4. I sensed something here, dont know what, and i did the unthinkable, and called her. In the past she never used to answer, today straight away, and said hello, how are you, and seemed suprisingly glad to hear from me. We small talked about Christmas & New Year, and said I callled her because i was worried about the tone of her messages. She went on and asked how my mum and dad were, and called them by their first names, and how my daughter as , and did the same with her. I told her i called her to see how she was from the tone of her message i was a little worried, she told me that all she wants from the Kings, was happpiness, amoemnthing she does not have, and the last time she was really happy was when we were together, I sensed this was going to be a long one, and could not stay for long as i was about to go into a meeting. I told her i had to go, and she said thats ok, i really miss you she said. But right now i ned to get my head right, but, I am so glad you called, i have gstrong feelings for you she told me, but did not go the hol hog and declare undefying love for me. I asked her if she felt it would be a good idea for us to talk again, and she said yes, definitely, she said thursday morning would be good, but it isnt for me i told her, i said friday wold be better, and she said ok then, And i ened the call, as i had to go. What does this sound like to you guys, I know i broke the NC rule, but something had to give in this sitaution, and bearing in mind she lives in Spain and me in London (now)I used to live in Spain, its never going to be easy, but how should i take this forward?
lorr Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Hi Lostandfound! Tried emailing you but for some reason I am having difficulty with hotmail at the moment.I've set up another email address, so you can contact me also:[email protected] Wow it really is going full steam ahead! It looks like she is in some ways coming around. I liked the way how you behaved cool and casual with the phone conversation keeping it light. Try not to get your hopes up too soon and see whether she contacts you on friday like she said.You have followed through with NC the correct way, and because you have, she is starting to think and maybe realise what she has inevitably lost by not being with you. I wish you all the best, and have my fingers crossed that she hopefully "sees the light":)
Author Lostandfound Posted January 10, 2007 Author Posted January 10, 2007 I hope so Lorr, the thing with this relationship is that it always was long distance, apart from when she came to me to work in the summer, and when we first met through the same channels, while being LD, we always spent as much time as we both wanted together, and believe it went wrong, and now know as she told me towards the end of the summer, when she realised that she was unable to stay ther as her kids did nt want to move. Whether all this a test for her, to see if i really am going to wait for her or not, is anyones guess. I have even resorted to vsiitng a pyschic recently who described her to a tee, and said that she is the one, and i can see you and her living together with "3" children, 2 older and a younger one, she only has 2. I dont usually believe in all of that, but she was described to a tee, and even said she does not speak brilliant english, and lives in a big city, i think in spain. She also added that things will not be easy, what is? But tell her how you feel, and that you are there for her, and she will come round. I email you tomorrow, Lorr, as im ready for my pit. Ooh i just remembered, your sunday how did it go
lorr Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Sunday went suprisingly well. We chilled out and watch a movie. I thought it would have been awkward considering that I dumped him but thankfully it was good.He even brought me perfume,body products, and even made me a complitation CD of music that he put together. He apologised for how the relationship ended and said that he knew that he was at fault, and that although he would like to try again with me, that he knew that I would not be interested in him anymore.Then he said that he would have to accept this and would like to be friends.My response was that I would consider being friends, but that it would be a slow process and that it would take time for that to happen. When the film ended we chatted some more and then he started to express his fears about his upcoming major surgery that he has to go through in a weeks time.From what his surgeon has said, there is quite a risk with the procedure that they will perform which in worst case scenario lead to him losing his life.Obviously I was shocked because that is not something that I wanted to hear, and all I could do was to encourage him to stay positive. He has stayed in contact and phoned me yesterday to invite me out on Friday. But I had to decline as I am so busy and had already made plans for that day.
Author Lostandfound Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 Right then, today was the day we were supposed to speak again, but just before i went to switched off my phone last night and go to bed, i received a text from her, asking for some help with something at work, (she works at the same company i used to work for, albeit in a different office in Spain) and that she needed the number for one of the Directors, as she knows i would have it, the funny thing is so does she. I called her with the number and we had a chat for about 10 minutes about the problem she was having, and basicaly having a laugh and a joke, although the incident at work clearly up set her. I asked her to keep me informed if things got worse, and she said if its ot sorted by tonight, she would be leaving. She then reminded me (as if i needed reminding) that we were going to speak today anyway so she would update me then. I called her this morning and she answered straight away, gone are the days of letting the phone ring and ring and ignore it, we spoke about what happened last night, and also about her kids, and her family and about mine, and about Christmas, and the fact that on New Years Eve she was alone in her house, as her daughters went out to a party that she did not want to go alone to. In fact when we speak now we are having fun, we laugh with each other, and basically we both seem to enjoy the conversation. At no time is the relationship mentioned, although I am waiting for her to mention it, as im sure she will. I dont know if you agree but isnt it a positve that now she is starting to sms me, and now she answers the phone when i call as agreed, before when we agreed to talk, she would not answer and then come up with an excuse for not answering. Should i continue the friendly non comittal conversation and wait for her to make the first step to talking about "love" and relationship" as she broke it off, or should i re continue NC and wait for her to contact me, or should I stand my ground, and send her the roses that my heart wants to send her. She is certainly down right now, although with me on the telephone she is a bundle of joy, and laughter, but generally she feels unhapppy. The only other negative right now, is the fact that she does not mention love or us being together when we speak, maybe she wants it but does not know how to approach it, or maybe she doesnt want that right now. Only time will tell
Author Lostandfound Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 bump, help would be appreciated
Distracted Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Lost and Found- a few years ago I had a BF who came back after a period apart (not related to the current thread you've answered for me :-). At first he was very hestitant to say anything about the relationship. We talked about what had been going on in our lives, our families. It was nice to catch-up. He wanted to be in contact again... I wasn't sure but I ultimately agreed. After a few meetings he was revealing his feelings and asking me to give him a second chance. I would continue to maintain contact but not push her. If she is going through a rough patch she may not be able to handle the added pressure of you pouring out your heart to her and expecting her to make a decision. Just being there for her will show her you care. If after a few weeks of this she doesn't bring up the relationship then you should consider whether she wants you in her life as a SO or she really just wants you as a friend. But I think if you push her right now you will push her away. The fact she revealed she still has feelings for you is a big step.
Author Lostandfound Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 Thanks for that, this is how i intend it to deal with it. The important thing is she has feelings for me, otherwise woudl not contact me, or me her and she replies. The other thin is tht she has said were friends for the moment, and when i asked if this is all she wanted forever, she said no only for these moments. To be honest, she lives in another country a 2 hour flight away, and if she did not want anything more than friends she would not be this interested in what is going on in my life, or telling me about hers, right now we live seperate lives in separate countries, so there must be something here in this, The other important thing is the contact, in the past she has clearly shown to me and when i was with her, that if someone calls or texts her she does not want to speak to she ignores it, something she has done with me, but now she answers both calls and my texts. Well im working all this weekend and so will not have time to think about all of this in depth, so another 2 days on and its 2 days she hears nothing and has time to miss me even more. because she does she told me. Of course if she calls, or texts i will deal with it appropriately, but she is working too. Were both off monday so id guess this is when she will be in touch, but im not going to sit and wait
Guest Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 YOU DO THE HAPPY DANCE AND TELL THEM.. I do think that when two people are ready for it, that it happens magically, beautifully, without fear, and naturally as it should. I believe I am on the cusp of being in this type of relationship, and it is truly liberating to be able to feel in a place where I can reveal all of the dark/light of my life to this other person. Bare my soul without fear of judgement or ridicule, have the other relish in who my spriit really is and want to know more and more..........but I am ready that I know is key to truly experiencing this connection.
Guest Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 advice above is good, one thinkg to add, is that she may be going through the same as you and not know how your feeling, and want you to woo her back, what sort of things have you done to show her she should get back with you
Author Lostandfound Posted January 13, 2007 Author Posted January 13, 2007 more opinions please, i really neeed help with this one, i have made good progress, really need that extra bit of help now or should i say bump
lorr Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Although she ended things and is now in contact with you it is up to her to initiate getting back together and only if she wants to.You have followed through correctly with NC,and it shows that it does work as she is contacting you. Its also positive to know that the phone conversations are friendly and civil(which is another bonus). The last thing you want to do is to pursue her by sending roses, especially if you are unsure what her intentions are at this present moment in time. You need to keep in mind that there could be a whole variety of reasons why she is contacting you, and you have to figure out what her motives are.Next time she calls and conversation is going well, drop in the convo: "If you don't mind me asking but WHY have you gotten in contact with me again? "This is totally unexpected". By you finding this out now, she will obviously have to tell you the reason, and its down to you how you take it. Your main priority is YOU, and the last thing you want happening is getting your hopes and expectations up, which could set you back months. I really do hope that things work out for you, and make sure you keep us posted:)
Author Lostandfound Posted January 14, 2007 Author Posted January 14, 2007 Although she ended things and is now in contact with you it is up to her to initiate getting back together and only if she wants to. The problem here is simple, I know her better than anybody else knows here, she told me this many many times, and she is not the sort of woman who will just come out and say it, she wil wait for me, and then she will react. Of course have to pick my moment as the last converstion we had last week she said she misses being with me very much but not love for the moment, well what is it then as when we were together we did the things lovers do, spend intimate time together, walkiing through the park, doing the shopping together, going out for the day etc etc. So her saying she misses me very much what exactly does she miss? Her personality is such that she admitted to me many times that she likes things that are difficult and not straight forward, the reason for her unhappiness is she is alone, and she also gets a sort of kick out of feeling sorry for herself, granted some will say why involve yourself with a woman like this, well the answer is plain and simple, I love her. She has said when we intially broke up, I know I am being stupid, becasue you are the best thing to have ever happpened to me, and I know i am missing out on something special with you, becasue i am stupid
Author Lostandfound Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 As she has had a mare of a weekend i sent her a nice text this morning, saying I hope everything has worked out with work, and that im thinking of you, I get the reply, Everything is good, you dont worry about me, Kiss What is that all about, I simply replied Great, Im pleased, I wish the best for you as always Hot & Cold or what, I leave alone for a while i think. The thing is the elastic band treatment, she backs off i move forward, then all goes flat, or i go quiet, and she comes running does not seem to work, Im now going to stand my ground, she backs off i stand still, she comes forward I still stand still I have told her weeks ago i love her unconditionally, its all up to her now.
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