Guest Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 Hi everyone, I have a dilemma which is pulling me apart right now. A year ago, I moved away with my boyfriend to a city as he had a dream he wanted to pursue, and I said that if he wanted something badly enough he should go for it. So, we moved away together, and he is progressing and working really hard at it, and he is also very happy. The problem is that the place we have moved to, I hate - it stresses me out and I have just about had as much as I can take - I am desperate to escape. He has offered to move back home, but I can't let him do that - he needs to follow his dream and see this thing through so he has no regrets. My head is telling me that to save my own sanity I should move back home on my own and have an LDR, but my heart is telling me that I can't leave him and I'll miss him too much if we're away from each other. I love him so much and we've planned out our future together, I just don't want to jeopardise what we have, or break the connection we have. Please help if you have any advice, I am so unhappy at the moment and I feel like my world has been turned upside down - thank you x
Blue Phoenix Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 I understand you dont want to mess up his chances or make him unhappy or anything. But!! you also have to think about your self as well. Lets face it if your realy as unhappy as you say you are in the new place. Then it will eventualy show and put major strain on the relashionship. Belive me I know ive been there before.You may even began to resent him for makeing you move there. Weither or not you knowingly want to its just human nature. Any good relashionship should always be 50/50 not 10/90.There must be give and take on bouth sides. You realy need to sit him down and tell him your not happy liveing in this new place. And then you both can figure out the next move togher.
Guest Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Hi everyone, I have a dilemma which is pulling me apart right now. A year ago, I moved away with my boyfriend to a city as he had a dream he wanted to pursue, and I said that if he wanted something badly enough he should go for it. So, we moved away together, and he is progressing and working really hard at it, and he is also very happy. The problem is that the place we have moved to, I hate - it stresses me out and I have just about had as much as I can take - I am desperate to escape. He has offered to move back home, but I can't let him do that - he needs to follow his dream and see this thing through so he has no regrets. My head is telling me that to save my own sanity I should move back home on my own and have an LDR, but my heart is telling me that I can't leave him and I'll miss him too much if we're away from each other. I love him so much and we've planned out our future together, I just don't want to jeopardise what we have, or break the connection we have. Please help if you have any advice, I am so unhappy at the moment and I feel like my world has been turned upside down - thank you x Dance like no one is looking Nothing beats the romance of being swept away by the music, wrapped in your partner's arms. last night i put out 20 candles in my laneway opened a bottle of red had the stero set to that sting song u like and when u showed up i was going to open your car door not say a word and dance with u under the stars that was what i did and had planned
Guest Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Hi everyone, I have a dilemma which is pulling me apart right now. A year ago, I moved away with my boyfriend to a city as he had a dream he wanted to pursue, and I said that if he wanted something badly enough he should go for it. So, we moved away together, and he is progressing and working really hard at it, and he is also very happy. The problem is that the place we have moved to, I hate - it stresses me out and I have just about had as much as I can take - I am desperate to escape. He has offered to move back home, but I can't let him do that - he needs to follow his dream and see this thing through so he has no regrets. My head is telling me that to save my own sanity I should move back home on my own and have an LDR, but my heart is telling me that I can't leave him and I'll miss him too much if we're away from each other. I love him so much and we've planned out our future together, I just don't want to jeopardise what we have, or break the connection we have. Please help if you have any advice, I am so unhappy at the moment and I feel like my world has been turned upside down - thank you x please don't take my words and actions this way - please. i am battling your past, the ending that was frozen in yer mind by nc, and what ur world view is now thru the things u are experiencing i think it is obvious that i am not that old bugger and i have made it a mission to never hurt u again please try and understand that because it hurts me too knowing this could see the danger signs long before the author depicted the rage, emotional manipulation or controlling behaviours of her partner. I knew that often the situation gets really bad before the woman can choose her own safety and sanity over the belief that she simply has to try harder to make the relationship work.
Blue Phoenix Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Ok im I the only one that dosent get guests reply here????? it just makes no sence for me in relation to the orignal poasters Q..Maybe some else can explain it to the big blue bird lol..
Guest Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Hi Blue Phoenix Thx for your advice, and I have just found your reply - I didn't have a reply for a while after I'd posted! Also, I'm a bit confused by the guest's posts after yours.... Anyway, thanks for your reply - I have sat down and spoken to him, and basically he says that he will move back with me even though he'd be leaving an amazing opportunity behind. I said I don't want him to do this, and he says he'd be happy at doing the LDR thing although we have had trust issues in the past and this is what makes me think that I might have difficulty doing it!!! I know that I should look at things rationally and if we have a good relationship then things will work out - do you think that that's really true? I'm so scared that I might ruin what we have!!!
Blue Phoenix Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Well its good to see hes willing to move back for you. It showes that he is realy conserned with makeing you happy in this relashionship wich is a nice trait in a man. I have a few consernes tho as far as you guys takeing it to the LDR status. First off the trust issues you brought up that can be a real deal breaker in a LDR. And honestly it can destroy one if you cant work tho them. And seeing you had these issues when you guys were actualy liveing togher. I can imagen how bad they might fester when you two are apart for any lenth of time. Second is a LDR is ok for a short period of time but any longer then that and it becomes wearing on bouth parties involved. You dont have to listen to just me on that look around at the rest of the LDR posts. And you will see how much pain some people are in from it. Ide say untill you can compleatly work tho the trust issues. I personly def wouldent shoot for a LDR. Maybe moveing back would be the only way to make things work long as he honeslty wouldent mind. It may be a great job but if you have a great relashionship then thats equily worth saveing isent it??
Blue Phoenix Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Yeah thers been a few odd replys from guests lately. Some of them make no sence at all. I guess we have a gremlin on the loose. LoL
Guest Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Hey Blue Phoenix Thanks for your reply. I've been thinking about it and now I'm trying to think of other ways to get around this, like getting more involved with things where I live, and trying to see the good side of things. I agree about the trust thing, and I think we need time to iron a few things out before, or if, I leave here. I actually feel lucky you know that it would be my choice to go into an LDR and after reading some of these posts, it's made me think twice about being so selfish. I admire everyone on here for sticking at their LDR's, it sounds so tough!! x
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