Mythical Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 Hey everyone, I guess ever since joining LS,growing up and just experiencing I have this fear that no one is happy when they are in a marriage. I KNOW I could be happy for sure but it seems as if eventually they either have affairs, hate eachother or there's no sex at all!! I find myslef thinking that there is this "role" that everyones plays and you can either choose a real life happyness by getting away from the real world and choosing someone to take a long with you, or you live the harsh truth of how life really is. On the sec hand I have an awesome relationship and we both know it can work and he wants to choose the way that we can be "different". I know so many relationships/marriages that are full of lies and hate, no agreeing...secrets etc.... Isn't your love sepossed to be the person your content with? Your partner in crime, the person that makes all that "real" stuff go away? So im pretty much jus asking.....is anyone out there who has been with someone for years that is still very happy, share everything, attracted to eachother, still have awesome sex?!?! Is it true that men will always imagine having sex with younger woman and thats actually what they will always want? I don't want to be in any of those relationship, and I know I prob sound selfish and immature but is there a way to not end up having a fu*ked up relationship? I will do anything to avoid that and make the right decisions etc...This is not the way I have seen thigns I see a good futur! But should I!??! Thanks guys for your opinions,
Mr. Lucky Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 I know I prob sound selfish and immature but is there a way to not end up having a fu*ked up relationship? Well, you are going to have to start by realizing that even the best relationships have ups and downs. The real measure is not how you handle things as a couple when times are great, it's the adversity that will test you. Job loss. Sick child. Changing priorites. Romantic love won't carry you through those times, but respect, commitment and affection (including sex ) will. My mom told me once that "from the moment you come together, life tries to pull you apart. The question is, how hard are you going to hold on?". Remembering that has helped me... Mr. Lucky
Author Mythical Posted January 10, 2007 Author Posted January 10, 2007 Well, you are going to have to start by realizing that even the best relationships have ups and downs. The real measure is not how you handle things as a couple when times are great, it's the adversity that will test you. Job loss. Sick child. Changing priorites. Romantic love won't carry you through those times, but respect, commitment and affection (including sex ) will. My mom told me once that "from the moment you come together, life tries to pull you apart. The question is, how hard are you going to hold on?". Remembering that has helped me... Mr. Lucky Hey Mr. Lucky, Thanks for your reply and I think what your mom told you is very true! and "how hard are you going to hold on?" Thats very true and I guess it is that people give up and it comes down to having to be a very strong person overall. I see what you mean by how you handle things when their great and ow you handle them when your bad....thats definetly something to think about. thanks again!
CynicalP Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 My Bit of advice is don't marry a person with the expectation that they complete you or with the notion that that person is responsible for providing you joy and happiness. While your at it dont get married if the reason is for validation as a human being. The only person responsible for your personal validation, joy or happiness, and completion is yourself. With that said, marriage is about sharing that grand experience which is life. There's going to be struggles. There's going to be good times. There's going to be hurt feelings and feelings of shared joy. I been with my wife for 11 years. I don't regret any of those years not for one moment. Best of luck to you.
Author Mythical Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 My Bit of advice is don't marry a person with the expectation that they complete you or with the notion that that person is responsible for providing you joy and happiness. While your at it dont get married if the reason is for validation as a human being. The only person responsible for your personal validation, joy or happiness, and completion is yourself. With that said, marriage is about sharing that grand experience which is life. There's going to be struggles. There's going to be good times. There's going to be hurt feelings and feelings of shared joy. I been with my wife for 11 years. I don't regret any of those years not for one moment. Best of luck to you. Cynical, Thanks for the reply. I agree with you 100% about getting married for your self and being responsible for my own hapiness etc...and that's why im wondering, becuase I know I want to get married for my own reasons eventually and wonder why it seems that a lot of people DO do it just for validation as a human being...."following the rules of life" I guess you could say. Im happy to hear that you are very happy, . I guess its about not only being good when your happy together but being strong when there's hurt feelings, problems.... Thank you
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Compromise, accepting your partner with ALL his/her flaws, and letting be who they are is important. And, ofcourse, communication and LISTENING. Respecting eachother is so important, especially during arguments and fights. One thing that my husband and I NEVER do is name call. Never once has he swore at me, (he may get really mad, and I may get mad, but we do not cross that line) called me a beyotch. I have never called him bastard, a-hole etc... ALL couples have their stressful moments, ups and downs...Just like life. One thing that I always try to focus on when things aren't great between us is, it won't last long, things will work themselves out. Keep it all in perspective...This is what lots of couples do - Blow things out of proportion! Sure he gets on my nerves really bad at times, and I feel like walking out the door when he bugs the crappola out of me, but I know it will pass...Just like I'm sure I'm no prize to be around when I'm grumpy or on his nerves. Bottomline, accept your partner for who he is. Don't put expectations on someone and don't rely on them for making you FEEL happy all the time.
Author Mythical Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 Compromise, accepting your partner with ALL his/her flaws, and letting be who they are is important. And, ofcourse, communication and LISTENING. Respecting eachother is so important, especially during arguments and fights. One thing that my husband and I NEVER do is name call. Never once has he swore at me, (he may get really mad, and I may get mad, but we do not cross that line) called me a beyotch. I have never called him bastard, a-hole etc... ALL couples have their stressful moments, ups and downs...Just like life. One thing that I always try to focus on when things aren't great between us is, it won't last long, things will work themselves out. Keep it all in perspective...This is what lots of couples do - Blow things out of proportion! Sure he gets on my nerves really bad at times, and I feel like walking out the door when he bugs the crappola out of me, but I know it will pass...Just like I'm sure I'm no prize to be around when I'm grumpy or on his nerves. Bottomline, accept your partner for who he is. Don't put expectations on someone and don't rely on them for making you FEEL happy all the time. Very good advise "Whichwayisup" Thank you...I also agree that respect is beyond extremely important....no respect...no relationship
bab Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Hi Mythical, I sometimes freak out about all the bad marriage stuff we get to read here on LS. The thing that I take away from it, is to be able to notice when this stuff is happening and make an effort early on. And it's even better to talk about these things BEFORE you tie the knot. My H was reluctant to get married because he'd heard so many times that married men do not get BJ's. Honestly, that was what was holding him back from proposing. I of course did my best not to laugh in his face when he told me that was one of his major concerns. Once I reassured him that would not be the case the proposal followed soon after. Although it sounds somewhat shallow, if you met him you'd realize he isn't at all, and now I make sure that not to much time has passed between BJ's. The best thing to do is TALK about what fears you have and then make a plan to make sure they don't happen.
Author Mythical Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 Thanks Bab for the post! lol I don't think he sounds shallow thats a good promise to make .. I think That's one of the things that scares because it seems the sex always dies! Now I know I am only 20 and have been with my boy for only 2 years but we actually talk about all these negative things we want to avoid too. Im very happy we are able to talk about this, he is 26 so I thnk that is something on his mind. He is ver smart and I actually look up to him and the way he is very much ...I've never met anyone so mature and confident. lol hope your keepig up with the bj's lol
Mr. Lucky Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Now I know I am only 20 and have been with my boy for only 2 years I hope, Mythical, that you aren't thinking about getting married yet. I got married for the first time at age 20 and both my (ex)wife and I were very different people when we hit 25. You do a lot of maturing between 20 and 30. Mr. Lucky
Author Mythical Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 I hope, Mythical, that you aren't thinking about getting married yet. I got married for the first time at age 20 and both my (ex)wife and I were very different people when we hit 25. You do a lot of maturing between 20 and 30. Mr. Lucky Hey Mr. Lucky DEFINETLY not lol, I am not even close to being ready to get married Altough I obvously care for him a lot and think about being with him a long time I know thigns change, people grow up and I am still very young. Thanks for your input!
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