xtremeherman Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 Well I have been looking for advice for a little bit now and I just don't know... I have been going out with my girlfriend for over a year and it has been good. I quit a job that I liked to moved back home and be with her. I have a good job up here too but that's not really what I am worried about. We started going out when I live in another state and went about 6 months without being near each other. We lasted through it and when I first moved back I thought it was good. Now it seems like I really am just here for her and not for myself. I love her and we have even talked about marriage often and I care for her alot. Yet sometime I just want to be myself or do things by myself. Since I've been back all I do is go to work and after to her house. If she has something to do I just go to my apartment and chill but when I have something to do she flips out saying that I don't want to be with her. I can't have a single day go by without seeing her and it drives me nuts sometimes. If I say I am coming over and I am not there within 10 minutes she calls and complains that I am too slow. On holidays we have to do her families things first then comes mine. She says I spend more time with her family so they should come before mine. She still lives at home with her parents so I have to see them everyday too and sometimes they drive me nuts. When I try to talk with her about stuff she just flips and tells me that I don't love her and don't want to be with her. I'll be 21 soon and she'll be 20 at the end of the year, so I know we are still young but I have been thinking about breaking up with her and starting over but I just don't know. Any advice??
LN99 Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 If things are getting to the point where you don't even want to be around her, chances are it's best to break up. You are right, you ARE too young to tie yourself down to someone! Also, she sounds pretty insecure! She won't even let you have your own life! Everything you do seems to revolve around her. It would be ok if you were fine with this, but I can tell you're not! Have you tried talking to her about this? If not, maybe you should try that approach before ending things. If you have talked to her, then maybe she needs to know that your serious about what your saying.
norajane Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 What is it that you would want to do with your time besides being with her? Do you have any hobbies, interests, playing sports? I suggest that you start doing those things that are important to you. If your gf can't handle it, then she is not loving you - people who love want their SO's to enjoy life and do the things that are important. If she think she should be your only activity, that is selfishness and immaturity on her part. Start getting involved in the activities that interest you and if she is upset because you play basketball or something on Thursday nights, then she doesn't have your best interests at heart.
Walk Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Whether you stay with this girl or not, you're going to have to set boundaries in order to be happy with your life. It's gotten to the point where you don't have a life anymore. This is not singularly her fault, you didn't help the situation by not standing up for what you wanted or needed. She kept taking as long as you were willing to back down. It wasn't right of her, but it's something you contributed to. I've had the same thing happen to me, and it gets to the point where you're so frustrated with the situation that all you want is "out". I never figured out a way to get back to equal again. Usually when you attempt to change the dynamics so that both of you are on more equal footing, then the other person fights you. It scares them, and they feel like you're leaving them. They grasp tighter, which usually causes you to pull back more. cycle continues until finally the relationship just ends. Norajanes suggestions were good. You could start smaller and try to rebuild boundaries with your gf. Join a softball league or something, and no matter how upset your gf gets, continually explain to her its something you want to do, and has no bearing on your love for her. Personally... I think you're far too young to have to deal with this kind of situation yet. You should be out having fun, doing whatever you want, whenever you want to. You get one shot at being 21, experience it. I was reading your post and I thought you were 30. You shouldn't sound this OLD. Honestly, all I can say is, live your life so when you are 30 you won't regret these years right now. If you family is important to you, then go see them. They won't be here forever. If finding new friends, and seeing new places seems interesting to you, then do it. Don't allow someone else to hold you back from living your life. All it does is hurt you, and inevitably leaves you with less to offer to the important people in your life. (including whatever woman is in your life)
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