Gemski23 Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 hi guys, ive just joined this site, ive been browsing for a few days but thought that maybe some of you can help me and give me some advice.. here goes.. ive been with my b/friend for 18 months, living together for a year.. in the beginning i put up with alot form him, not coming home after a night out, girls texting him, him packing his things and leaving when he wanted, him telling me he wasnt happy etc etc.. after a while he seemed to settle down and we were real happy. i have given 110% to him, he's moved into my flat which for the 1st few months he wouldnt give me any money to help with bills etc, he does now though. he's a dj and recently started dj'ing on the weekends. at first i didnt want this at all cos we both work all week and then come the weekend he'd go to dj and go to a party and stay there till sunday evening or whatever. after a while i realised that i was being a bit mean as its his dream to dj in clubs and now im fine with it, but now he's saying that i dont care anymore because i dont kick up a fuss about him doing it??? last night i got in form work and was just a bit quiet because work has been hetic recently and i was just feeling a bit low, which i unusual for me cos in always bubbly.. well he just got up and said that he wasnt happy anymore, and that im a selfish person. he then said that he hasnt been happy for a MONTH and that he's been tryin to find the courage to tell me.. i got very upset and this was all out of the blue and he was just smirking in my face, as if he was enjoying seeing me upset. he said that he wants more from life, he wants to go to the gym, see his mates (which he does every weekend) and that i do his head in because i take up most of the bed.. the other day i said that the boys were asking if he wanted to go to see a concert with them and that he should go, it would be a laugh. he replied "i dont fcking wanna go" then he accused me of pushing him away.. so i cnat win, he says he wants to see his mates, when i tell him to im pushing him away.. i cried all night and he didnt even care... got up this morning and he said "you ok grump" as if nothing had happened.. then i got to work and ive turned my mobile off and he rang work asking "why the **** have you turned you 4n off, not talking to me now are you?" so i said that i didnt deserve this, i hadnt do anything and i cant deal with the mind games.. i told me that hes not palying mind games and that he's just telling me how he feels so we can fix it, but if he's unhappy when i have given him the world how can i fix that... he said last night that he wasnt happy, now he's texted me to say im imature cos i wont text him back.. i dont know what to do guys.. please somebody give me some sound advice he is very very childish for his age, and im his 1st girlfriend, he's been spolit by his mother and it shows, he's very self centered and strops all the time..
sunangel Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 Sweetie i'm sorry to have to break it to you, but this guy is a complete manipulator and immature little boy! Your right..... he is playing mind games, because if he's unhappy than i'm sure your not strapping him down! He's free to go whenever he chooses. It seems to me like he wants to punish and torture you by staying with you, but then complaining and pointing out your faults! When the real problem here his HIM, not you! Go with what your heart tells you. I'm sure by now you are realizing that it's not working out. You can't allow a guy to curse and bring you down! The way he's been doing to you. Learn to LOVE YOURSELF. Don't begin a pattern of letting men mistreat you. Your a good person so look for someone who will be good in return! Take care!
Author Gemski23 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Posted January 9, 2007 for replyin hun... i know that he is a little boy and at the age of 24 he still hasnt grown up yet.. the thing is his comments really hurt me and when we argue he gets very very nasty and turns everything around on me, and blames the whole thing on me because "im selfish, i think im better then anybody else,im a horrible person, i deserve to be on my own" etc etc.. the thing is after 18months of this im actually starting to believe the things he says to me... and that maybe i am a nasty person.. everything i try and do for him is wrong.. he wont leave my flat, he says that he'll take his stuff in his own time and then starts packing at 2/3 o clock in the morning so i cant get any sleep for work cos im upset, he also refuses to give my keys back too.. im scared of what will happen when he leaves cos he's told me that he'll make my life hell.. i just dont know what to do anymore, is it me? am i nasty? im just so confused
sunangel Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 Listen you really need to get rid of him. He sounds a bit violent and if he's threatning to make your life hell, than you need to get HELP. Even if you need to involve the police. It's scary how many guys can go crazy and physically, and mentally abuse women. And we sometimes think it won't happen to us, but you really need to take this serious ,and see the signs! He's being aggressive and he continues to threaten you. Please get out before it's too late! This is not love...... I wish you the best!
Kinger25 Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 I feel for you sweet because I know what its like to live with somebody who completely manipulates and controls you. My Ex was exactly the same and I stuck it out with him for 9 years !! He used to make me feel so insecure about myself that I ended up not being able to even approach people and talk to them because of my lack of self confidence. I lost the ability to communicate and it made my life so depressing. I finally gave him the order of the elbow about 18 months ago and I'll tell you something, its the best thing I ever did. Looking back on it now, I can see that he was just a big baby really. A total mummies boy who can't seem to look after himself now that I'm gone. He was a control freak through and through and he lost a good thing in me cause I'm loyal, trustworthy, and I did EVERYTHING for him. My God, to think I nearly married the idiot !!! Your BF has absolutely NO RIGHT to treat you like this. You say he DJ's on the weekends, is it possible that he uses drugs when he goes out ? He's mixing with the party lifestyle and drugs seem to come hand in hand with the nightclub scene. If he is using drugs it could explain his consistent mood swings. Either way, you need to start sticking up for yourself girl. Why should this idiot treat you this way. You are a human being and a pretty damn decent one by the sounds of things, you dont deserve this. Its your flat, so next time he starts on you then tell him pack his stuff and fu?k off !! Tell him to make sure that the door doesn't smack him on the arse on his way out !!! DONT TAKE THIS FROM HIM. YOU HAVE A LIFE TO. YOU DESERVE TO LIVE IT. I GOTTA GO NOW, BUT GOOD LUCK AND I'LL CHECK IN ON YA TOMORROW.
Author Gemski23 Posted January 10, 2007 Author Posted January 10, 2007 I feel for you sweet because I know what its like to live with somebody who completely manipulates and controls you. My Ex was exactly the same and I stuck it out with him for 9 years !! He used to make me feel so insecure about myself that I ended up not being able to even approach people and talk to them because of my lack of self confidence. I lost the ability to communicate and it made my life so depressing. I finally gave him the order of the elbow about 18 months ago and I'll tell you something, its the best thing I ever did. Looking back on it now, I can see that he was just a big baby really. A total mummies boy who can't seem to look after himself now that I'm gone. He was a control freak through and through and he lost a good thing in me cause I'm loyal, trustworthy, and I did EVERYTHING for him. My God, to think I nearly married the idiot !!! Your BF has absolutely NO RIGHT to treat you like this. You say he DJ's on the weekends, is it possible that he uses drugs when he goes out ? He's mixing with the party lifestyle and drugs seem to come hand in hand with the nightclub scene. If he is using drugs it could explain his consistent mood swings. Either way, you need to start sticking up for yourself girl. Why should this idiot treat you this way. You are a human being and a pretty damn decent one by the sounds of things, you dont deserve this. Its your flat, so next time he starts on you then tell him pack his stuff and fu?k off !! Tell him to make sure that the door doesn't smack him on the arse on his way out !!! DONT TAKE THIS FROM HIM. YOU HAVE A LIFE TO. YOU DESERVE TO LIVE IT. I GOTTA GO NOW, BUT GOOD LUCK AND I'LL CHECK IN ON YA TOMORROW. hiys hun, thanks so much for replying.. i agree with you on everything that you said. he is very very childish and im just mentally exhausted with the strain of keeping him happy all the time. he's never ever been violent towards me but everytime we argue he gets nasty with his words and he turns everything round on me.. and after all this time i start believing it.. it so hard just working at this relationship, it really is... after all he said the other night the not being happy for a long time,that he wants more from life, that he'e fed up of watching t.v in the week, that he's fed up i take his side of the bed up when im asleep!!! when i said to him that he hadnt even said sorry to me he said he had nothing to say sorry for and that im the selfish one in this relationship and one day i will see that???? then i start believing that.. im afraid that i'll regret it when he leaves beacause prehaps i am the one in the wrong, but all i know is that im unhappy, really unhappy. i know he'll tell everybody that i was the nasty, selfish one etc.. and we have the same group of friends so that'll be hard for me.. ive been in a very abusive realationship before.. he really really worn me down and i have had 2 years of counselling to recover from it, now i feel as if im losing it again... im not a nasty person and im going find it hard telling him to go, i have never been able to stand up for myself, never... but all i know is that i feel as if im going mad at the moment.. he acts today if nothing has happened.. ive had some bad relationships in the past but not one of them has been this bad or headwork..
Spinderella Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 ..after all he said the other night the not being happy for a long time,that he wants more from life, that he'e fed up of watching t.v in the week, that he's fed up i take his side of the bed up when im asleep!!! when i said to him that he hadnt even said sorry to me he said he had nothing to say sorry for and that im the selfish one in this relationship and one day i will see that???? then i start believing that.. Tell him you are not keeping him anywhere and he is free to leave anytime he likes. im afraid that i'll regret it when he leaves beacause prehaps i am the one in the wrong, Is this true? The way you are talking on here, it sounds as though you know who is in the wrong. What are you really afraid of? but all i know is that im unhappy, really unhappy. i know he'll tell everybody that i was the nasty, selfish one etc.. and we have the same group of friends so that'll be hard for me.. More excuses to stay. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, and you know this really. ive been in a very abusive realationship before.. he really really worn me down and i have had 2 years of counselling to recover from it, now i feel as if im losing it again... Then don't. At the end of the day, you are the only one responsible for you, for your happiness and wellbeing. Nobody is going to change to make things better for you. He certainly will not. You can decide to change things anytime you want, just as soon as you realise that only you can do it, its not just going to happen. Realising that you are responsible for your life and can create it anyway you like gives a great feeling of empowerment. Do you deserve good things less than anybody else? Give yourself the best, because nobody else is going to do that for you. im not a nasty person and im going find it hard telling him to go, i have never been able to stand up for myself, never... but all i know is that i feel as if im going mad at the moment.. he acts today if nothing has happened.. You are not a nasty person, therefore you should find it easy telling him to go, because he is treating you badly, and you do not deserve it. He knows how he is treating you, so it doesn't really matter how he is acting. You don't need to explain anything to him. He already knows.
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