Anastasia0309 Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 So, I've been broken up with my ex going on the 5th month. The thing is...... We still love eachother. Which makes it harder to move on. He's weird cause he distances himself from me..... Doesn't call much and obviously doesn't want to be with me.He says, he wants to call but doesn't think calling is going to help me. At the same time..... When we saw each other after 3 months of not seeing each other he cried through the whole dinner and said things like..... I want to be with you again I just think you need this time for clarity. We basically broke up cause I was going through some serious stuff and leaned on him a little to much in that process lost myself. I'm getting better but I know I can't say I'm all better but I'm getting there. I know I need to go NC. I don't know if he sounds like he's confused and doesn't know what he wants but when I ask him he says the only reason we are going through this is for me...He's doing this for me. He says.... He misses me all the time.... Basically makes it clear that this is sooo hard on him and he doesn't want to move on but he doesn't ask me back. This situation is really complicated. I know I'm not through with my healing and I know (When I think Logically) that we shouldn't be together right now. I do try to do NC but I don't know how to stick to it. I work out and try to go out but I don't have lots of friends and the ones I have seem to not want to hangout cause I do seem down and out alot. I do good with NC on the days I'm happy and don't miss him much but when I miss him I just text him. He ALWAYS answers my texts and calls. He called me 3 times on New Years. It's just hard cause I know he misses me just as much or more then I do him. So, I ask myself "Why are we doing this"..... when I know why. So, does anyone have any suggestion to help me to stick with NC? Like from your own experience. I just feel like if I could just not contact him for a month or two I could really grow alot more. My healing is at a standstill cause I'm constantly thinking about him and us. When that's our problem. He always tell me to just focus on myself right now. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
johnnytable Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 First of all, if he really loved you then he would be with you. It sounds to me like he is just stringing you along. Second of all, you can't effectively go NC until you *decide* to go NC. This is not something you do for a day, or a week, or a month. It is a decision that you are moving on and you aren't going to let them get in your way. This means that you don't text, you don't call, and you don't READ emails or LISTEN to voicemails or accept calls. You break all forms of contact. It is hard as hell but eventually gets better. I wanted to break mine constantly for the first few months. Or rather, I wanted her to contact me. I wanted to hear from her. It wasn't until after I stopped wanting this contact that I could even start to feel better.
D-Lish Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 I agree with the above poster. I do have something to add though. When two people love one another, they stick together, they work through issues together. My ex and I had a great 8 months together- then things started to go wrong with my business and I thought I was going to lose my house, my store, etc. I was a wreck...and I leaned on him, I really needed his love and support through that time. But he couldn't handle the strife- and he walked away from me. I spent such a long time blaming myself for pushing him away- for being selfish about needing his support. I kept thinking to myself- "if only I had have not leaned on him so much... if I had only kept my needs to myself..." But the truth is- he walked away from me, left me high and dry during a time I needed him the most. I had been there for him through difficult times, hell, he didn't have a driver's license when I met him, and I drove him everywhere for 6 months. But at the first sign of my trouble- he bolted. If two people truly love one another- they'd be there for one another.
Cub Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 Wait wait, do you really want someone who ducks out when you need him? If he really loved you he would have stuck around and helped you with your problems instead of running away. That stuff about it being hard on him? Yea: bs. He just doesn't have the balls to tell you he no longer feels for you. At the most I would imagine that he's just sorry for you. However, if you really want to continue this game with him, then every time you think to contact him I want you to think about how he left you when things got a little out of hand. That's not love.
Author Anastasia0309 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Posted January 9, 2007 I have thought the same thing and have told him the same thing. If you really loved me then you would have choose to work through it. He said he really doesn't think anything would have changed if we would have stayed together.He said he wants to be with the Mature and independent me..... He also thinks he has been there for me because he always answers the phone and is "There" as much as he could be. That just has me thinking he just wants to be around when I'm "Happy". Like oh call me when your better, Bye. Then I ask myself "Do I want that kind of love?" I guess I've always known this deep down inside but just never wanted to face the truth about it. I think he loves and cares about me just not enough to stick through it with me. Today, after 5 months, is my first day of strict NC. I do NEED to just move on. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. Is it okay that I don't want to go out? I just want to stay home and cry myself to sleep. I hate going out and being around people when all I want to do is cry. For some reason going out makes me feel worst. I really hate this.
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