orangehose Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Hi people, My question is kind of silly, but I recently got out of a first relationship (off to a late start) and am trying to gather advice for future reference. One of several problems I had in my relationship was conveying couplehood status in public. NO ONE was ever able to guess that my boyfriend and I were together (a friend of his even spent the weekend with us in the beginning of our relationship and didn't figure it out). I would basically have to tell people that we were dating, because he wouldn't touch or pat me or stand close or other things that couples publicly do to demonstrate togetherness. And somehow, our dynamic didn't 'naturally' convey togetherness. The problem was that at parties, girls would hit on or start chatting up my guy, and I would stand there, feeling helpless. The way it would typically unfold would be that we'd be standing around and some girl might strike up a conversation with him. I'd try to participate too but it would be clear that the girl only wanted to talk to him, and I'd feel too much pride to now act territorial. Finally I'd get pissed and head off for a drink. Heck, once a girl nearly asked him out in front of me. It wouldn't affect my trust of him, but it would still be uncomfortable to witness while it was happening. I know pride also prevents me from just butting in and claiming my territory... I need to get over that somehow - advice on this is welcome. I brought it up with him a few times - once formally and thereafter more casually. Once he said that in his previous relationships, the girls were the ones who displayed affection in public and I should be more demonstrative. During other instances I would say "so and so seemed to like you at that party" and he'd say she was just being friendly or something. Anyway, any advice on the (many) possible problems here? Maybe it was mostly his problem, but I could still use advice.
blind_otter Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Seems to me like you weren't really opening up emotionally to one another. Was this a first relationship for either of you? I think it was a cop out for him to say that you needed to be more demonstrative with your affection. I mean, what's stopping HIM? It struck me as odd because in every relationship I've had, there has always been a lot of physical affection and public displays. But I'm quite a touchy person. Are you just not very touchy feely?
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