isitpossible Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 My wife and I will be divorced by the end of February. She said that her love for me is over. On the flip side, she also makes coments about the fact that she has no idea what the future will bring. She states that she may love me down the road. What is up with this?
Gunny376 Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 She said that her love for me is over. On the flip side, she also makes coments about the fact that she has no idea what the future will bring. She states that she may love me down the road. Allow me to translate for you: "I want to scrog other men, and see what's out there ~ but if I can't "trade up" I may hook back up with your later on if I can't find a better deal than the one I had!" She's either (a) already having either an emotional or physical affair already, or (b) she's got someone in mind that she want to "kick" it with, ot © she wanting to fine someone else to kick it with. Either way she's tired of kicking it with you! Burn bridges, get over it, realize that regardless its: 1. For the best. 2. You're really are going to be better off without her. 3. In the end everything will be alright 4. You were doing just fine before you meet her ~ you'll do just fine afterwards 5. She's not got anything that the other 3.6 billion other women on the planet don't have, just as good if not better, just as much as, if not more!
Author isitpossible Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 Thanks for the advice. 16 years is a hard thing to toss. Plus the 4 and 6 year old have no idea. Not dealing well with it. G
Gunny376 Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Thanks for the advice. 16 years is a hard thing to toss. Plus the 4 and 6 year old have no idea. Not dealing well with it. G They say it takes on average of about two years, I've read its more like four to get over them. Worse case scernario? Give it a half life of 8 years! But, seriously! How long it takes to get over them, realy is solely dependent upon yourself. If the wife is Hell Bound and bent for leather to divorce ~ (and usually once a woman has made up her mind to do so ~ its a done deal, and she made up her mind a long, long time ago) its really unfair to you to give you false hopes of reconciliation down the road. Once separation has occured ~ let alone and all out divorce ~ reconcillation seldmon happens. And while it may not lie within the realm of probability ~ its always will remain in the relam of possibility. If I were you, I would pound it into my brain housuing group that its over, regardless of what she says now or down the road. The sooner you get to working on that, the better off you and your chidlren are going to be. To be honest with you, it could be any other man that's married to your wife ~ and the net results would be the same. That is to say ~ its not just you Bro. A lot of this even your wife doesn't understand ~ herself. The male midlife crsis that generally sets in around 40, occurs with men in the late twenties to their mid thirties. There's a number of reasons for this. One, to a lot of women anything over thirty is considered "over the hill" The basic primise to any midlife crises is that realization that you've got more good days behind you than you do ahead of you. Another strong aspect of women's midlife crises is that women don't hit their sexual peak until their late twenties and thirties, (remember that when you get back into the dating mode ~ :laugh: ) The first thing you're going to have to do is to get your head and azz wired back together once you've crawled out from underneath this bus that just ran over you. Beware the rebound! I wouldn't recommend you permitt yourself to get serious about any woman until at least one year at a mimimum, (preferablly two), and be leary of getting involved with anyone who's less that two years from a major breakup of a LTR (Long Term Relationship) Regardless, even then, the first serious relationship will probally be a tranistionary one. You'll get with her, she'll get with you. You'll get your self repect and esteem back, get to feeling better about your new single status, and want to move on. Virtually anyone you do get with is going to have children. I know of a guy who has three children all under the age of nine, who got with a woman who had two under the age of seven. (He got full custody of his children ~ as did she). They got married and within a year she was pregno with twins! He got mad when I told him, "Your kids, and her kids are going to be beating up on ya'lls kids! (I from the Deep South ~ I can say "Ya'll) In the beginning the equation will look like E=r, that is to say E means a lot of effort yielding very little results. Eventually it will become e=R, in which very little effort will yield a lot of Results. They'll be days when it seems you can barely make it through the day, When those days come, just keep reminding yourself over and over and over, "It'll be alright! It'll be alright!" Your going to have to gain control over your thoughs, accenting the positive, and de-accenting the negative. In doing so, you will accomplish a number of things: As you allow yourself is as you believe, as you believe, is your attitdude, as goes your attitude goes your emotions, and emotional state of mind. Its been documented, and proven that in so doing you can actually change your brain chemistry, and eventually it becomes self perpetuating! In short? Most people are about as they make their minds up to be! Even then, it can sneak up on you when you least expect it. A couple of years down the road, its a Spring day, you're out and about, feeling pretty good about things,rubbing a little sunshine on your face and out of no where BAM!!!! Like a 2x4 upside your head. If your not careful? You be stumbling into the package store, mumbling, "Just give me a half gallon of anything! I don't give a damn! No, whinning, begging, complaining, calling, pleading with the STBXW. This makes you look like a pathetic wimp in her eyes. If and when you do talk, keep it short, sweet, and business like. Now's the time to "man-up", suck it up, and deal with it. It sucks, but such is life. No one promised you a rose garden of a life! Now's the time to get busy learning. Learning about women, dating, romance, seduction, inter-personal relationships, inter-gender communication, divorce, marriage,etc. I would recommend that from here on you read at least one book a year for the rest of your life about the above. A signifcant reason we got into this mess to begin with is because when we got married, we probally had 1/10 of the knowledge and experince necessary to pull it off. Don't be one of those guys at the nursing home sitting around talking about your first, second, third, and fourth XW, and trying to keep them straight! Goggle Marriagebuilders and DivorceNet To get prepared to get back into the dating game after 16 years: "Secerts of the Alpha Male" Carlos Xuma "Double Your Dating" David DeAngelo I would highly recommend the e-book "Women's Infidelity" by Micheel Langley at http://www.womensinfidelity.com/index.html#home Finally you might want to call around and see if your can't find a Divorce Support Group, sort of like an AA meeting for people going through a divorce. And, make no doubt about it you are very much dealing with a chemical withdrawal (bio-hormones in your brain housing group) and addiction. The bio-chemicals that lead to attraction, attachment, falling in love, breaking up are very strong and addicting ~ much akinned to ampethemenes! Ref: National Georgraphic Magazine, "Love, The Chemical Reaction" Feb. 2006 Good luck, keep posting!
Delarocha Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 isitpossible, Sorry to hear your pain man. I am in almost the exact same situation, except the "divorce ball" is now in my court. Guess she wants ME to decide so that she can walk away guilt free. Nice huh? Anyway, I actually wanted to comment on something Gunny said... Or rather when I read it, I thought of something that made me laugh. "Finally you might want to call around and see if your can't find a Divorce Support Group, sort of like an AA meeting for people going through a divorce." I wonder if a divorce group is a great place to pickup women? I mean why not get a little group therapy AND meet people. Hahah.. I'll never DATE AGAIN!... haha
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