yousaveme Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Hey there everyone. I have a problem of sorts. A very good friend of mine who happens to be married started slowing having feelings for her neighbor which also happens to be married. After sometime they both confirmed having intense feelings for one another. Physical and also heart felt. She is a stay at home mom , and he stays home mostly due to a back injury. They recently started going out every other weekend to a friends for poker night. She brings a mutal friend with her and his friends are there also. Believe it or not nothing has happened between the both of them other then hugs and verbal experession of how they feel about one another. Well, Recently she saw him at a local store. He was very upset and was yelling and screaming basically in the parking lot. Telling her about money issues, and how unhappy he is at home. He apologized for being so upset infront of her and left. They havent spoken since. It has been a week. I have heard her crying for one week about everything she is feeling and all her doubts etc... I know I am one of the only one expect another friend she has confided this to...I think the only reason she has confided in me is because I am a OW. I hate to see her in so much pain. I dont know what to tell her. I see so many opportunities that he could have spoken with her and let her know what is going on but he hasnt. I really dont want to see her in this situation. I know the pain involved. I dont know what to say to her anymore. She told me that she plans on confronting him tomorrow and asking him what is going on. She said she needs to know so her pain will stop.
sadbuttrue Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 ysm, i hope you told her that her pain will not stop no matter what he has to say.
Author yousaveme Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 She seems to think it will be better to hear what is going on. She thinks that if he tells her , his feelings have changed that her heart will be able to heal. I told her that no matter what it is not going to get easier that this will change her. She holding out hope that some other factors are involved that hasnt allowed him to talk to her or see her. I just dont know anymore. ysm, i hope you told her that her pain will not stop no matter what he has to say.
sadbuttrue Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 i guess it would be better to be informed of what is going on in his head, but sounds like she is getting pretty attached to the idea of him. you sound a good friend to her, i am sure you will get her through this the best you can.
stillhere Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 No matter what you say to her, she is going to have to learn for herself. One of my close friends and my sister had an A after they have seen all that i have gone through. Both my friend and my sister were against my relationship with my MM. They both told me how wrong i was, but they were both there for me, ready to help me up when i fell. My sister has since gotten out of her A, but my friend is still very much involved with hers. She now cries to me about him. I tried to serve as a warning to them both, but they had to test the waters themselves. Even though they knew about the difficulties and all the hurt that goes along with an A, they went ahead and did it anyways. The only thing i can say, is be there for her. She needs someone to lean on. Do your best to convince her that this is not a wise idea, but she will do it anyways.
Buttaflyy Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Although she will ultimately make her own choice and most likely proceed with this, but encourage her to work on her own marraige. Tell her to try and work on whatever problems she's having with her husband.
Author yousaveme Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 I will continue to be there for her. I told her to stop looking at my situtation. First off we are looking at two different guys. And two different situtations here. She is determined to talk with him first thing tomorrow and get everything to a head... No matter what you say to her, she is going to have to learn for herself. One of my close friends and my sister had an A after they have seen all that i have gone through. Both my friend and my sister were against my relationship with my MM. They both told me how wrong i was, but they were both there for me, ready to help me up when i fell. My sister has since gotten out of her A, but my friend is still very much involved with hers. She now cries to me about him. I tried to serve as a warning to them both, but they had to test the waters themselves. Even though they knew about the difficulties and all the hurt that goes along with an A, they went ahead and did it anyways. The only thing i can say, is be there for her. She needs someone to lean on. Do your best to convince her that this is not a wise idea, but she will do it anyways.
Author yousaveme Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 I told her to do that before her and the neighbor even confirmed feelings for one another. I wish she would have listened. Although she will ultimately make her own choice and most likely proceed with this, but encourage her to work on her own marraige. Tell her to try and work on whatever problems she's having with her husband.
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