ae4e Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 My ex got a new b/f, and not tooting my own horn here; but he is hideous! Why did she leave me for that? That really hits a guy hard when that happens! Anyway, what seems to be bothering me the most is that me and my ex dated for 4 months...not long, but still it was the best. She broke up with me for STILL unknown reasons....not to mention she broke up with me over the phone which is completely lame, and still absolutely NO closure! But back to topic...it KILLS me to think she will be with this guy longer than she was with me....its hurts so bad for some reason. Why? And she acts differently with this new guy than with me, when we were dating she wanted pictures of us up on her myspace and she wrote that I was "The perfect boyfriend" and she bragged about me all the time....but with this new guy she has done nothing to her myspace, no pictures of him, nothing, just that she is "In a Relationship", doesn't even mention him. I find this odd, does this mean anything? I am also still in her top friends, 16/16...but she made sure I was still there.....what SHOULD I do...I am so torn!!!!!!!!!!!!
CaliGuy Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 My ex got a new b/f, and not tooting my own horn here; but he is hideous! Why did she leave me for that? That really hits a guy hard when that happens! Anyway, what seems to be bothering me the most is that me and my ex dated for 4 months...not long, but still it was the best. She broke up with me for STILL unknown reasons....not to mention she broke up with me over the phone which is completely lame, and still absolutely NO closure! But back to topic...it KILLS me to think she will be with this guy longer than she was with me....its hurts so bad for some reason. Why? And she acts differently with this new guy than with me, when we were dating she wanted pictures of us up on her myspace and she wrote that I was "The perfect boyfriend" and she bragged about me all the time....but with this new guy she has done nothing to her myspace, no pictures of him, nothing, just that she is "In a Relationship", doesn't even mention him. I find this odd, does this mean anything? I am also still in her top friends, 16/16...but she made sure I was still there.....what SHOULD I do...I am so torn!!!!!!!!!!!! Attraction is not logical choice. Credit David DeAngelo but he is right. You can sit here until the cows come home trying to figure out why your ex left you for a guy "less appealing" than you (IYHO), why she isn't adding him to her MySpace or whatever, but that's isn't the problem. The problem is you aren't letting go. You're still viewing her MySpace account (that is breaking NC by the way) and still trying to make logic out of an ill-logical feeling. Love. You can spend your entire life trying to learn to figure it out (and many have) but there is no logical explanation for how it works. You need to stop focusing on what she is doing and who she is with and start focusing on yourself and trying to make yourself happy.
Author ae4e Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 Ok, I am kind of new to this forum, does "NC" mean "No Contact?" I need some sure fire advice as to how to get her out of my mind, what worked best for you all? Caliguy, so you say I am in the wrong here...would you mind elaborating and telling me some things I should NOT do, I would appreciate it very much!
Kelso Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 You're right. NC stands for No Contact. It means that you should not call her, mail her, text her, answer her calls, look at her myspace, blog or talk to any of her friends. It's not good for you and it slows down your healing time. You just must know that she won't disappear from your head just like that. It takes months...and often years for people to recover from breakup. But by maintaining no contact, you will at least not be opening the wounds again and again. A little example of my story: broke up...I wanted her back and decided to go into NC. Lasted for a month and was dying every mintues for the first 2 weeks to call her. Called her and we had a nice chat. I went back NC...but realized that I didn't want that relationship back and this was for me to get over her...not to get her back. First week was incredibly hard to cope. I just made sure to leave my phone at home if I went out with the guys for a drink. Now...three months later. I'd still like to call her once in a while....but it won't do me any good...so I'm better off without her for now. Now I haven't called her for 2 months and been completely NC except from on tiny text on christmas day...which I regret a bit...because it didn't do me any good... You get the point??
CaliGuy Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Ok, I am kind of new to this forum, does "NC" mean "No Contact?" I need some sure fire advice as to how to get her out of my mind, what worked best for you all? Learning to focus on my needs helped immensely. Using mind tricks (fake it till you make it) also help. Like when you think about him and catch yourself, simply say "WHO?!" and it helps snap thoughts of an ex in your mind and reminds you to think about other things. You can't control him, what he does, who he is with, etc. Those are issues outside your personal boundary and not in your control. You can wish till the cows come home, it's not going to change a thing. One of the biggest things that helped me was learning that I was wasting emotional energy on the past, things that were already in the books. You can't control them and trust me, wasting emotional energy on the past drains your present and future energy. Why waste a valuable resource like my emotions on someone who didn't appreciate them to begin with? Caliguy, so you say I am in the wrong here...would you mind elaborating and telling me some things I should NOT do, I would appreciate it very much! I'm saying checking up on myspace is breaking NO CONTACT. You need to stop poking into his life. It doesn't matter what he is doing anymore. The only thing that matters now is you and what you are doing. That's all you control in your life and the only thing that is within your boundaries. You. Nothing more, nothing less.
miss snoopy Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Wise words Caliguy. Of course a lot of the myspace, email, IM stuff comes from our inability to deal with someone who was so integral to our lives not being there. But to be honest, how many people still have ALL their best friends from infant school on their speed dial? I'm sure we've all lost at least one friend or relative, grandparent etc. If we can grieve and move on, why can't we do the same for ex-lovers? I know it's different, there's the loss of control/power knowing they're there living their lives without us/with some other person, but why is it so hard to bury them like they're dead and move on? I have a great date tomorrow, have met this really promising guy yet I'm still here talking about my "dead" ex. Jeez, I feel pathetic.
Author ae4e Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 Learning to focus on my needs helped immensely. Using mind tricks (fake it till you make it) also help. Like when you think about him and catch yourself, simply say "WHO?!" and it helps snap thoughts of an ex in your mind and reminds you to think about other things. You can't control him, what he does, who he is with, etc. Those are issues outside your personal boundary and not in your control. You can wish till the cows come home, it's not going to change a thing. One of the biggest things that helped me was learning that I was wasting emotional energy on the past, things that were already in the books. You can't control them and trust me, wasting emotional energy on the past drains your present and future energy. Why waste a valuable resource like my emotions on someone who didn't appreciate them to begin with? I'm saying checking up on myspace is breaking NO CONTACT. You need to stop poking into his life. It doesn't matter what he is doing anymore. The only thing that matters now is you and what you are doing. That's all you control in your life and the only thing that is within your boundaries. You. Nothing more, nothing less. Caliguy, I am a guy, and I had an ex g/f, lol. I hear you loud and clear man, NC is the best way of speeding up the healing process. Thanks man
CaliGuy Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 Caliguy, I am a guy, and I had an ex g/f, lol. I hear you loud and clear man, NC is the best way of speeding up the healing process. Thanks man Heh, oops! Sorry for the gender bender, but the same advice still applies. Try the "WHO?!" trick. It has worked wonders for me.
FallenTree Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 CaliGuy's a genius. And NC helps tremendously!!! As a previous dumper and dumpee, it is beneficial to both parties. And, as I posted earlier this eve...one day, years from now, you will forget about the person (not forget totally but won't be thinking about constantly!) you may be wasting so much energy on now and if he/she happens to call, it won't even be a big deal.
CaliGuy Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 CaliGuy's a genius. Heh, nah. Just a guy who's learned things from the school of hard knocks now he should have learned as a young buck.
Author ae4e Posted January 13, 2007 Author Posted January 13, 2007 The other day, I was going around school taking pictures of teachers for a project, and one of them so happened to be my ex's class at that time. I went in there and was taking some comical pictures of the teacher and everyone was over there and we were having a great time. But my ex was sitting in her chair reading a book and not giving a moments notice to what was going on, I saw her look up a few times, but quickly put her nose back in the book. Why was she doing that? And no, I did not break NC, I said absolutely nothing to her. I found this odd....by yeah, any input?
Author ae4e Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 Could someone give a little input, sorry to 2x post, but I want alittle bit of an answer. And another thing, is it wrong to make a list that completely degrades your ex....I kind of feel bad, but it does help. I am having a pretty rough day today...I was thinking about Prom today, and who I want to take and stuff, and I was thinking, my ex is probably going to be there with her new b/f, and I don't think I can take it....I don't want to skip my Prom...ahhhh I don't know I am at a loss for words here. I feel awful right now....how did anyone else deal with the ex's new interest? I need some help here everyone....
CaliGuy Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 The other day, I was going around school taking pictures of teachers for a project, and one of them so happened to be my ex's class at that time. I went in there and was taking some comical pictures of the teacher and everyone was over there and we were having a great time. But my ex was sitting in her chair reading a book and not giving a moments notice to what was going on, I saw her look up a few times, but quickly put her nose back in the book. Why was she doing that? And no, I did not break NC, I said absolutely nothing to her. I found this odd....by yeah, any input? She was trying to be in NC mode. She probably didn't like the fact you were having fun without her. Ex's are like that. They are most happy with you when you are unhappy about not having them. It's only when they realize you have moved on that they care. Funny how life works, isn't it?
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