ICS Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Well, I haven't had any communication with my ex of 5 years for almost two months now. No phone calls, no emails, no messages-complete NC. Life is strange sometimes..I have generally had a good time without her in my mind for the last little while, but just today, with her name brought up in a conversation with my parents, I began to think of her again. Why can't we be desensitized to the hurt we've had in the past? I loved her alot, and I still do, but she had hurt me beyond words. Out of concern, my mom asked me if I still talk to her now, to which I replied no. At the same time, I was thinking about the last time I checked her profile on a dating site she signed up for, to which she logged in daily. Out of pure curiousity I checked her profile again today. It seemed as though she no longer checks her account anymore. She has moved on, a new life and a new boyfriend perhaps. Why can't I move on too? Why can't I also be happy? I've never felt so down in my life for a while; and to think that all of this was sparked by a brief conversation with my parents too.. After our breakup I tried seeking new friends to talk to. In my daily life I do not have many close friends to talk to. To put it simply, I have learned to hide my feelings alot now because I have no one to open up with. I went the online route and signed up for an online dating website. Sure, I want to be loved again, but I know I am not ready for dating yet, so I simply signed up to make new friends to talk to. It wasn't long until I learned that I did not become a happier person by doing so. In fact, I became rather depressed from realizing that I was unwanted-at least by so many people, and how hopeless life can be sometimes, especially when you need someone the most. I feel myself drifting away in the darkness..with no one but my own thoughts and my own voice accompanying me. What does the future hold?
Zaira Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 The future holds many possibilities. Have you thought about going to counselling? It may very well help you to move on.
D-Lish Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 You don't need someone else to make you happy. That is the first issue you need to deal with. Your happiness is not contingent on the love of another person. The first thing to do is find happiness with yourself. One of the hardest, yet most rewarding things I have ever had to do after seperating from my husband of 7 years was to learn how to be alone, without being lonley. Getting back on my feet happened in stages, and recovery certainly didn't happen overnight. I spent a long time in limbo, taking small steps. But I did get to the point where I felt comfortable with who I was... and that was when I knew I was ready to date again. Of course, here I am again, dealing with another break up, as you are. At first, I wanted to find someone right away to ease my lonliness and replace the familiar company I had lost. But I soon came to realize that I have to make a recovery again. Being happy with yourself, liking yourself is a process you have to complete before falling in love again. When you're down and feeling unworthy- you'll tend to choose partners that are unworthy. However, when you feel good about yourself and your life- you'll gravitate towards people that compliment your happiness.... also, when you're happy- you'll attract worthy people. Learn to love yourself first. It sounds so cliche, I know. But it's true. Complete that process first. D
witabix Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 You sound as though you are in a hard place ICS. Echoing what was said by D-Lish, you don't need anyone else to complete your life. Try to find your OWN life, what interests do you have or did you used to have? Rekindle the old ones and find new ones if you can't. I have found that doing stuff I like is the best way to regain self confidence, it doesn't matter what it is. In my case its music, I put myself out there once again after a harrowing experience with my last girlfriend, full of trepidation in case I couldn't do it anymore. I just jumped at it and it worked out fine. I couldn't care less if she walked in with her new boyfriend while I was playing now. You need to find something else to think about, easier said than done I know, I didn't plan it this way either. It just happened at the start of the holiday season, someone needed a musician to play in a bar for a night and asked me if I was still playing. I had about two hours notice. What I am trying to say is that you never can tell what is around the corner. The brightest days come after the darkest nights.
Author ICS Posted January 10, 2007 Author Posted January 10, 2007 Thanks for the sound and heartfelt advice guys! After reading your comments I had a small session of self-reflection, which was helped also by an existentialism course I am taking at university right now. I realize the truth of your advice; it is indeed impossible to achieve happiness and self-fulfilment through other people. Perhaps I was in way over my head in my past relationship, which led my mind to seriously believe that without a girlfriend/confidante, much of my life would fall apart. Looking back, she was not only my girlfriend, but also one of-if not the only good friend I had. But I believe that much of what I experienced was partially a self-deception that I am not/cannot be self-sufficient. Now it's time to take a new route in life. Despite her abscense, I know I will always have, at the very minimum- my own thoughts, which would not intentionally deceive me. Being single now, I am going to try and enjoy it and better myself, until the time is right and I am ready to welcome someone else into my life.
witabix Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Cool ICS, it'll happen one day, for sure. Be happy.
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